Fed Up With The Rollercoaster Of Emotion

[KP the nut]

Feeling a bit better now. I've done the usual Sat stuff of going into the village and getting meat, and fruit and veg etc.

T told me to buy a notebook (a pretty one) and to list daily things which make me grateful, happy and or an achievement. No matter how small. True to form, I found a lovely book, with Eeyore on the cover with the words, 'Some days just don't let you stay grumpy'. It felt as if it were made for me, especially with what I'd be writing. Inside it has drawings of Winnie the Pooh, Tigger and Piglet. I even bought a matching pen.

Even with today being bad this morning, I've written in it. Watching the birds (long tailed tits, bull finches, gold finch, blue tits, robins etc). Friendly shopkeepers who know me by name. It does help writing that down.

I could feel your love and support
KP

 

[KP the nut]

Had an awful flashback this morning. I was lying in bed, when last weeks session came into my mind. T said if this happens go with it, see where it takes you.

OK, I'm in the car, scared, numb cold. But that is OK, looking back that is a normal reaction. I was in shock, I try and tell myself this. Numbness builds, I can't control it, feel sick, panic, scared, shaking, terror. Push memory into my container, breathe, think of safe place. It is easier.

Today I think I will struggle to put happy thought in book.

H goes away tomorrow, scared of coping with house etc on my own. Panic rising. Breathe, baby steps, take it v slowly.

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((Kath))))))

Am so amazed by your courage! You're doing great with this harder-than-surgery-without-anesthesia painful scary awfulness!

I'm still with you. Am so deep in stuff right now it's hard for me to comment but....You deserve to be SO proud of yourself!

 

[deer_in_headlights]

(((((((((((Kath))))))))))

You did it! You dipped into the trauma, recognized getting into difficulty (got too flooded) and got it into your container and pulled yourself out of this!!!!

GOOD WORK, ((((((((KATH)))))))))!!!

It was really rough, but you pulled out of it by yourself!!! Hugs, smooches, dancing... you're doing it, Girlfriend!

I'll bet you're exhausted and shaken in the aftermath, so I hope you're doing a lot of really gentle, good, self-nurturing...
(and Chocolate :) )

I hope you and your H are able to do something enjoyable today.
We're here for you, and are here while your H is away. We're right with you - linking arms! :)

I'm so proud of you, Kath... you're reclaiming your life with great grit, determination and courage.
You're "feeling the fear and doing it anyway."

You're safe, you're loved, people who love you and care are with you, thinking of you, praying for you...
All my love,
Deer

 

[tigrou465]

Hy KP long time we haven't talk live. Keep on going... you are worth it. Remeber the song in Anni? "The son will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow the sun will come out" Take care - love Tigrou

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Hi Tigrou!
It's great to see you!
I hope the sun will come out for you, this morning!

That's a really good song for all of us.

Sending hugs, Kath!!!
I know you're saying goodbye to H for several days... please know that we're thinking of you right this moment, linking arms with you and keeping you very close in our hearts.
We're with you... and you are treasured and loved!

(((((((((((((((Kath))))))))))))))
All my love,
Deer

 

[KP the nut]

Thank you everyone. I am almost overwhelmed by your love and support. I can feel it, feel the warmth.

It is going to be hard. Chores for today, vacuuming, dishes, walk dogs. I have a friend coming for coffee this afternoon so have 4 hours to do the first 2.

Pace myself, reward with a coffee and forum or audio book after each.

The dogs are a chore until I actually get to the park, then it will be funny watching them run and chase one another.

H phoned to say he arrived safely. I'm only thinking of today not the long week ahead, that is too much.

A weird dream last night, I was driving on a motorway and couldn't see properly, I was crying and anxious, terrified I pulled over. The police arrived but I couldn't explain then there was a huge crash right by us, cars, trucks. Then I woke up shaking. The dogs licking me, telling me I was safe.

 

[KP the nut]

I put seed out for the birds, so as I tackled the mountain of unwashed dishes (how can 2 people use so much crockery in a 2 course meal) I could watch them. Amongst others 3 robins trying to feed and be territorial. The colours seem so vibrant, the robins, bull finches everyone seems dressed to impress in preparation for spring.

 

[Nighthawk]

KP
Thanks for the laugh and smile....

NH

 

[KP the nut]

The man (or women, I'm open minded) up there must have a strange sense of humour when going to the shop and buying milk is an achievement

 

[KP the nut]

Survived day one on my own, three more to go.

Hope I sleep tonight, dogs prepare to be snuggled.

 

[Marie E.]

I have my 4yr old to snuggle with haha!!