Fed Up With The Rollercoaster Of Emotion

[KP the nut]

Bloody PTSD. Yesterday was hard. Today I have nothing planned and told myself that today would be my wallowing day. Hey, guess what, I don't feel like wallowing. I feel OK.

The dogs worked their magic last night by keeping me safe and giving comfort. I slept later and a big improvement on yesterday I have eaten breakfast.

Now to take said wonderful dogs for a walk in the sunshine.

Linking arms

 

[Srain]

Had an awful flashback this morning. I was lying in bed, when last weeks session came into my mind. T said if this happens go with it, see where it takes you.

OK, I'm in the car, scared, numb cold. But that is OK, looking back that is a normal reaction. I was in shock, I try and tell myself this. Numbness builds, I can't control it, feel sick, panic, scared, shaking, terror. Push memory into my container, breathe, think of safe place. It is easier.

Today I think I will struggle to put happy thought in book.

H goes away tomorrow, scared of coping with house etc on my own. Panic rising. Breathe, baby steps, take it v slowly.

I have been away for a few days and missed your thread, sorry to butt in. This struck me because I can relate to the how the flashbacks come on and feel. I'm so sorry you have gone through but wow, you are working so hard! What great steps you are taking. I am going through the same things right now, you are not alone in this. Sending you peace. Rain

 

[anni]

I hope you do get to go to Edinburgh. I should have Googled how that was spelled but was mad at the whole city. :) Yes, I did the same thing to my parents- came over there to school in the UK in Somerset and ended up staying for 5 years. I think I always knew I'd 'lose' one or another of them to a move back there. They're British citizens so it's not a huge kefluffle for them logistically-and who can blame them.

We're having a hugeee snow and ice storm here. Thinking of you walking your dogs in the sun over there is a nice thought this morning! I hope it's warmth brings much peace and comfort today.

Anni

 

[KP the nut]

I have been away for a few days and missed your thread, sorry to butt in.

You are not butting in, you are always welcome

Linking arms

 

[KP the nut]

I hope you do get to go to Edinburgh. I should have Googled how that was spelled but was mad at the whole city. :)
Thinking of you walking your dogs in the sun over there is a nice thought this morning! I hope it's warmth brings much peace and comfort today.

I loved the way you spelt it. It was the cute American way of pronouncing it

. I am being v frugal with that is left in my bank account and my solicitor has asked the third party in my case for more special damages (out of pocket expenses), if that comes through we will definitely go. I've already sussed out cover for the dogs, they've never been in kennels. If the company H is visiting goes ahead, we will hopefully go I usually get my way

and we do seriously need a break. I'll just be a bit manic, stressed, hypervigillant...... about going.

My dogs and I have had 2 v nice walks. Stupid weather - it is 8decC warmer today than it was yesterday. Gone nice clean crunchy walks, hello lets see how much mud we can cover ourselves and everyone else in.

I have eaten breakfast and lunch which is good, often I don't eat. I haven't put a lot in my happy book today, oh well see what T thinks of it. H loves what I write. I'm not looking forward to T, I'm always so drained and tired after it, I will try to lie down and listen to an audio book before walking the dogs tomorrow afternoon, it may be a short walk - luckily they aren't too bright when it comes to distance and they will chase one another anyway.

I'd best go feed them and put rubbish out for collection tomorrow.

 

[KP the nut]

Ts office phoned, T is ill so no therapy today. I don't realise how much I rely on it. I build up to it and then like a rug it is pulled from under my feet.

Sad.

 

[anni]

"Sussed out" and "rubbish"( sounds better than 'garbage', which is what we say on this side of the pond). I confess to sometimes lurking on the threads of you Brits for the sheer delight of turns of phrase. I miss them! I used to get in a good deal of trouble when I first got over there, though, since some words mean different things. I was watching someone take their cross-country course, for instance, and described it in what I thought meant sort of 'courageous'- it does over here. I said they spunky. Ahem. Has an entirely different content unknown to a Yank, to be sure. Someone could have TOLD me, somewhere, like in customs or at the passport office?

I'm sorry your T had to cancel. It's not at all the same thing, but hopefully coming here will provide some support and plain old company until he's well again. We're here.

 

[KP the nut]

I was watching someone take their cross-country course, for instance, and described it in what I thought meant sort of 'courageous'- it does over here. I said they spunky. Ahem. Has an entirely different content unknown to a Yank, to be sure. Someone could have TOLD me, somewhere, like in customs or at the passport office?

Oh Anni, that is so good. Just what I needed. The 'garbage' men have just been.

The forum is as usual helping to pull me up.

((HUGS))

 

[KP the nut]

Today is so hard. I feel I've let everyone including me and the dogs down. It was so late by the time I took dogs for their morning walk in fact it was afternoon. Which meant their breakfast was lunch. It was a short walk as my back was v painful.

I've sat and cried, I just don't have the strength to cope today. Had to use grounding techniques even to go in the car with the dogs. I've tried distraction by sorting my wardrobe, I have allocated some stuff for charity shop, other stuff I need to drop a few pound to pre accident weight to wear. This is doable (is that even a word).

I just want to curl up, but the dogs need walking again, the kitchen looks a mess, how have I done that, it was tidy yesterday.

It is just one wave of panic after the next, thoughts tumbling all around. I keep breaking off to breathe, feel how my body is sat in the chair. Trying not to lose myself in the grief.

H back tomorrow night, one more night to go. I'll make a decision about aqua tomorrow, can't think. I will miss the next 2 weeks as it is the second implant procedure next week and then I've been called for breast screening - it's all fun over 50.

So drained. Once dogs are done, I will put some nice scented candles around, turn the lights low and try to unwind, maybe a glass of wine.

I can do this.

Reaching out to link arms

 

[Heather]

Sorry Kath - you are having such a hard time. Just do what you can right now. Sometimes my dishes stay in the sink for.......well, let's not go there. I'm glad you're using grounding techniques. You know I love and care about you so much. Love and much hugs. Linked arms. Heather

 

[deer_in_headlights]

((((((((((((Kath)))))))))))))

Linking Arms!!!!!

I am so distressed for you... I wish I could bring you something fun, heart-warming, nurturing.
I'm very glad you have your dogs with you - animals are really life-and-spirit blessings.

Is it too much of a fearful stress or panic to have a friend come over?

I know it was rough to miss your T appointment, today... I always get rattled and distressed if my Ts get sick or have family emergencies. It's difficult, and a huge stress.

Just had an image of all of us sitting in a group circle (arms linked), and having our "group therapy" session together.
We could meet here, at your thread (place). I'd bring cookies and hot chocolate :D

You CAN do this, Beloved Kath. We're reaching right back to you :)
I love you!!!
Deer

 

[Srain]

Today is so hard. I feel I've let everyone including me and the dogs down. It was so late by the time I took dogs for their morning walk in fact it was afternoon. Which meant their breakfast was lunch. It was a short walk as my back was v painful.

I've sat and cried, I just don't have the strength to cope today. Had to use grounding techniques even to go in the car with the dogs. I've tried distraction by sorting my wardrobe, I have allocated some stuff for charity shop, other stuff I need to drop a few pound to pre accident weight to wear. This is doable (is that even a word).

I just want to curl up, but the dogs need walking again, the kitchen looks a mess, how have I done that, it was tidy yesterday.

It is just one wave of panic after the next, thoughts tumbling all around. I keep breaking off to breathe, feel how my body is sat in the chair. Trying not to lose myself in the grief.

H back tomorrow night, one more night to go. I'll make a decision about aqua tomorrow, can't think. I will miss the next 2 weeks as it is the second implant procedure next week and then I've been called for breast screening - it's all fun over 50.

So drained. Once dogs are done, I will put some nice scented candles around, turn the lights low and try to unwind, maybe a glass of wine.

I can do this.

Reaching out to link arms

I find some days are just like that for me. Between the chronic and acute Migraine Episodes and in the winter my FM can really act up under severe stress - ugh. I grab the heating pad and these Girls seem to know it's all about curling up in the blankets and keeping it on the slo-mo for the day. They are so in-tune with me now that they even go potty fast and far between (well, I also entice them with "want a biscuit:???) so that we can get back to the business of chillin'.

I just have to recoup sometimes. I think it's only healthy and needed to recharge.
Peace to you, linking arms with a paw or two in the mix ;)

Rain