Feel Like Therapy Helps But Too Painful To Wait For Next Session

[falling_wave]

For me 2 years. It gets less distressing though to have those feelings.

 

[barefoot]

I've been having therapy for a year. I still have the feelings but, as I mentioned before, now I am more accepting of them as opposed to worrying about them. I don't generally worry now about whether it's 'normal' to think about therapy so much or whether I'm 'too' attached/dependent/needy or whether I think about my therapist 'too much' or whatever. So, yes, I feel it - a lot - but taking away that layer of self-judgement helped me to just accept that that's the way it is right now and that acceptance made it feel less worrisome/scary.

 

[barefoot]

Btw, my take on you quitting - sounds like that would be a pity if you've found someone you feel really comfortable with. I know from this site alone that plenty of people never get that.

And it may be that as your comfort/ease/trust with your therapist increases, your level of anxiety and the challenges between sessions may increase too. Sounds back to front, but it often happens with me - I have a good session and feel like we've really strengthened our relationship/built trust/become 'closer' etc. Then I have a real wobble, which usually means more anxiety, panic and hyper vigilance. An intimacy issue, I think....I yearn for it and want her kindness, compassion, support, space etc....but then when I feel like I'm getting it, I get really spooked because that increased intimacy brings with it increased vulnerability.

Hang in there!

 

[watundah]

As an extra thought - I used to dissociate a lot during sessions and often found it difficult to speak,...

Ugh @barefoot. So familiar. I am talking more (after 3 years, finally - though she may not agree. Like maybe Im saying 150 words rather than 50). I still often leave frustrated and crabby when maybe only 10-15 minutes of the session was productive due to my avoidance and resistance. Though my progress is slow and I often feel like quitting from frustrations, I look forward to each week as there is that one person who is there just for me. Me me me! (So why so resistant, I ask).

For what it's worth, I have been in a relationship for 20 years with someone who is incredibly supportive, but they still aren't the same as a therapist. So not sure I agree with that therapist's claim. And when I took a month long vacation last year I thought about dumping therapy. A lot. Like, hey, look at me, I'm happy. I don't need her. But the frustration was talking, not the truly healed self. So I haul myself back in every week, the child hungry for attention and understanding, with hopes that I can drag my snail like self an inch closer to the finish line!

 

[barefoot]

Everything you've said here really resonates with me @watundah
Though I am now so much more present in sessions and my voice isn't 'getting hijacked' so frequently. But I think I'm still very resistant, defensive and avoidant - even though I consciously don't actively want to be those things!

I agree with you on the relationship thing too. My partner's wonderful and we have a great relationship. But therapy is a different thing. Apart from anything else (training/qualifications, psychological knowledge, experience, therapy skills etc) you can never fully get that truly objective holding of space with someone you are in an intimate relationship, I don't think. There's too much investment on both sides.

 

[falling_wave]

@watundah @barefoot I don't think she meant it would take the place of therapy or that role just that I would have more roots and stability that would bring fulfillment in my life and I would need her less.

 

[falling_wave]

I can also agree on the thoughts of quitting after a long stretch being frustration..it's like taking your control back as a little child would do "I'm mad that there has been too much distance and I'm fine without you" kind of thing. Of course I'd never say it and that's not my sentiment deep down but I can feel those childlike moments emerge sometimes.

 

[watundah]

Ok. That makes sense. To have a solid foundation at home helps a lot.

 

[barefoot]

Yep, that makes sense on the relationship front, @falling_wave. Thought it was a bit of an odd thing for a therapist to say, but I've got it now :-)

 

[watundah]

Speaking of childish behavior, my therapist gets a bit greedy with time off. Last year she was missing a week a month for several months banked against holidays, I felt a bit neglected. I confronted her via email as to whether she really wanted to work with me. I didn't see the commitment I needed to see. She swore she did want to work with me and made some wimpy comment about how it was good to see me the next time I went in. So I guess she just doesn't love me as much as I love her. Seriously though, we are their 'customers', too.

 

[Bird33]

Your right @barefoot I do feel comfortable and it is hard to find. I guess I should just accept it an it will make it a little easier.
I do have a very supportive husband but the therapist relationship is very different and I can really tell her everything.
Thank you everyone for your help but I must say it makes me a little worried because it seems like it does not really ever go away. Everyone just learns to deal with it. Maybe it is a part of the process just seems so difficult.

 

[barefoot]

Do you feel that you could speak to your therapist about how you're feeling? It sounds like you have a lot going on and you say that your anxiety is high at the moment in general. If that anxiety is being added to because of your feelings about therapy (and then exacerbated even more because you're then worrying about your feelings about therapy) it might be helpful to talk things through with her. Especially as the level of worry/distress is making you consider quitting.

Together, you may be able to come up with some strategies to make the in between time more manageable. Also, she may be willing to have some text/email check ins with you between sessions or she may think you'd benefit from more sessions at the moment if this is a particularly challenging time for you.