Yep, I've had this for years, on and off. Today I heard "you're likeable" in my head and went with that. I've been attracting some real "loser" kind of men as well, so that is a fair reflection of how I am feeling inside myself. What gizmo said really stuck though...we are not as bad as we think and far better than we think we are. I'm gonna write that one down. You always say the kindest things Gizmo. <3
Writing a list of accomplishments and positive traits is a really good practise...though I often forget to do it, or just find it really supremely hard to acknowledge all that I have accomplished. I managed to squeeze out in my journal before that I'm proud of myself for all the hard work I've done over the years, and not succumbing to drugs or alcohol in too big of a way, despite it being all around me and nearly everyone I know is into getting wasted and escaping. Maybe I'm a masochist. :D
And yeah, just because we feel like losers doesn't mean we are losers. Society is geared to divide people into these two categories. If you aren't out there achieving and making money, then you are a loser. If you are, then you're a winner. Winners are good, losers are bad/undesirable. I can honestly say though that I've met some real asshole "winners" and some really gorgeous "losers" so I think it might all be a bit backwards...well, it definitely is backwards. Society is all f*cked up...profoundly.
But yes, izmo, I have had the thoughts of "you don't make friends easily" although I experience those thoughts as though I am hearing people I know think that of me, which I have read is a form of schizophrenic thinking...and I do end up confused as to whether it is me thinking that or them. Basically it is probably me thinking that I know they are thinking that about me, when really I don't know what they are thinking about me...but it seems very real at the time.
I have to stop myself and remind myself though, that the fact is I CHOSE to not make many friendships...deliberately. When I was 21 I didn't like most people and didn't want to be distracted from what I wanted to do with my life, by friends who I perceived to take my attention away from what I wanted to be doing. I had also experienced some pretty awful betrayals with so called 'friends' at the time, which made me very wary and selective with who I allow into my world as a friend.
So many people I know think that if they have met you once then that's it, you are now friends...and hugging upon meeting in the street ensues...that is NOT my experience of friendship at all. It takes me a fair amount of time to work out if I consider someone a friend or not...but they think we are friends straight away because we danced at a festival together once.
Writing a list of accomplishments and positive traits is a really good practise...though I often forget to do it, or just find it really supremely hard to acknowledge all that I have accomplished. I managed to squeeze out in my journal before that I'm proud of myself for all the hard work I've done over the years, and not succumbing to drugs or alcohol in too big of a way, despite it being all around me and nearly everyone I know is into getting wasted and escaping. Maybe I'm a masochist. :D
And yeah, just because we feel like losers doesn't mean we are losers. Society is geared to divide people into these two categories. If you aren't out there achieving and making money, then you are a loser. If you are, then you're a winner. Winners are good, losers are bad/undesirable. I can honestly say though that I've met some real asshole "winners" and some really gorgeous "losers" so I think it might all be a bit backwards...well, it definitely is backwards. Society is all f*cked up...profoundly.
But yes, izmo, I have had the thoughts of "you don't make friends easily" although I experience those thoughts as though I am hearing people I know think that of me, which I have read is a form of schizophrenic thinking...and I do end up confused as to whether it is me thinking that or them. Basically it is probably me thinking that I know they are thinking that about me, when really I don't know what they are thinking about me...but it seems very real at the time.
I have to stop myself and remind myself though, that the fact is I CHOSE to not make many friendships...deliberately. When I was 21 I didn't like most people and didn't want to be distracted from what I wanted to do with my life, by friends who I perceived to take my attention away from what I wanted to be doing. I had also experienced some pretty awful betrayals with so called 'friends' at the time, which made me very wary and selective with who I allow into my world as a friend.
So many people I know think that if they have met you once then that's it, you are now friends...and hugging upon meeting in the street ensues...that is NOT my experience of friendship at all. It takes me a fair amount of time to work out if I consider someone a friend or not...but they think we are friends straight away because we danced at a festival together once.
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