Poll For those with a significant other, when did you tell them about your ptsd?

[physicist13]

I'm sort of just wondering this in general.
But also I started seeing someone recently(ish) and I'm not sure if/ when I should tell them.

 

[EveHarrington]

I tend to say something before the first date. I get to know people before I date them.

 

[Hopeforlife]

I wouldn’t say we were officially in a relationship and we did not share friend groups. So seemed somewhat a little easier. Mainly as I was so scared of having a sexual relationship even though I wanted one and I didn’t want him to lead that. I wanted to be in control. I am so glad that he was understanding about the whole thing and didn’t judge me. It could have so easily scared him away. Strange situation, but I followed my heart not my brain. 10 years together this September.

 

[Sweetleaf]

I get to know people before I date them.

This is precisely how I plan to go about things in the future. If I had done that in the past, I wouldn't have PTSD right now. I mean, there is one qualifying traumatic event I have that didn't happen because of my abuser (though he sure as shit made handling it harder), so maybe I would have PTSD. Either way, I would have a whole lot less trauma.

My therapist has given me handouts going over all sorts of things you can do to help figure out if it's a bad idea to enter a relationship with someone. Several of the points have to do with getting to know each other. Getting to know each other lets you figure out if they're going to be abusive or just a bad partner.

 

[SinkorSwim]

I would say 5 plus years and it took me that long to get myself into therapy as my SO was a huge backer to it. I'm still working on it but only this past year did I tell him about my sexual abuse as a kid. I've known my SO for more than half of my life. 15 years. My family immediate family still does not know I have PTSD.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

None of these are appropriate for my particular situation as we were together before I got diagnosed. But I was always upfront about my mental health struggles before we probably starting dating, in the “getting to know you” part.

 

[BlueAquarius]

I met my SO when I didn't want to date, I had the intent of making friends and staying single. So the conversation didn't get brought up until he told me personal stuff about him and how he had family members who went through the same kind of trauma i did. It was around a month of just hanging out when i told him and despite that information about me, he still wanted to pursue a romantic relationship. I think if I was in a situation where I was looking to date, I would tell them right away. I wouldn't go into full detail, but I would explain that I have PTSD and answer questions I'm comfortable sharing. I think if they couldn't accept that, then they weren't for me and it would weed out the people that just wouldn't work out anyways. That being said, it's not something that would be easy to do and can be uncomfortable, but in the long run it would help in finding the right person.

 

[AliciaEff]

I found out about my PTSD while dating my partner and told him right away. He even came with me to the appointment to determine my diagnosis. We had been dating about 3 months at that time, but had been close friends for about 6 months.

 

[Mach123]

I didn't know. We were married ten years maybe. I realised one day some of those memories probably meant sexual abuse and I walked right in the other room and told my wife. It was in the morning I remember, I had been lying in bed thinking about it. Idk what "I realised it" means totally. It was just like that day, I just knew what it meant. Years later we got to cPTSD.

 

[Abstract]

Never have told my husband which I know is unfair. I just can't. Opens up a whole lot of conversations topics and problems which I can't do. Or don't want to do. Its a bit shocking that he has never asked questions but I guess its easy for me to say that from a place of knowing.

 

[AliciaEff]

Never have told my husband which I know is unfair. I just can't. Opens up a whole lot of conversations...

Does he know you have an illness? Like maybe he knows if you go to therapy, but not the diagnosis?

 

[Fadeaway]

Mine knew a year or more before we started dating. We were friends first.