Sexual Assault Has anyone ever confronted their past abuser?

[Deleted member 12723]

I was so terrified of my abusive dad that all I could do was cut off contact with him in order to protect my children from being exposed to him and left him alone in spite of an effort to get in touch with me. I treated him as if was dead. Never spoke or saw him again, ever. He finally died and knows that God is real and is most likely in hell now. I hope anyway.

 

[EveHarrington]

I’ve always been torn over the idea of confronting. A few months after the incident all I wan...

But abusers don’t carry any burden because they don’t care that they hurt us.

 

[Deleted member 40995]

But abusers don’t carry any burden because they don’t care that they hurt us.

Very true :/

 

[No Name]

I’ve always been torn over the idea of confronting. A few months after the incident all I wan...

Wow, I feel like you described exactly how I feel. I would love to pass on the burden... I want him to know the pain he caused me. Thank you for sharing. It helped me work out understanding why I want to contact my abuser. I also have the same fear of doing myself more damage.

 

[Flecksofmidnight]

I think about it a lot. Finding some of them would involve contact with other toxic or abusive peop...

Please don’t hate yourself for not reporting! Be kind to yourself .

I wrote to one guy on Facebook wanting closure. He read the message but did not reply. It did not bring me closur...

I’m so sorry!

 

[IthinkIcan]

Not fully. I did tell my parents about the sexual abuse that I suffered that they chose to forget and how that made me feel. But they didn't understand. Infact, when I was recently living with them, they moved my childhood abuser into the house after threatening me with it a week before. My abuser was my brother. It took me suffering multiple panic attacks nightly, and my father physically attacking my fiance and then coming for me infront of our newborn child for us to just cut those ties and leave. Eventually, I may face them. But it won't be for closure. It will be for progress.

 

[frigg]

Not fully. I did tell my parents about the sexual abuse that I suffered that they chose to forget an...

My brother was also my abuser. I’m sorry to hear your parents allowed him to be in the house with you...my younger brother, who was also abused and still lived with my parents, had to deal with my parents allowing our abuser to stay with them even after finding out about the abuse. I couldn’t believe it. I basically had to threaten them to cut the shit before they even considered not allowing our abuser in the house again...especially with my younger brother there.

They still defend him. Part of me is about ready to be done with my parents, but I’m still trying to get them to understand why I can’t face my abuser...they lack emotional intelligence.

 

[Lamename01234]

I want to but my T does not want me to. She said any contact could bring back floods of memories.
I lived with a woman from ages 16-18 who over saw my rapes with her boyfriend.
I wish I could confront both of them in court like the brave women with Larry Nasser.
I wish I could beat them with a baseball bat.
First my T want me to write a letter, we are going to work on that soon.
I know I could not confront because just thinking about writing a letter make me want to throw my computer at the wall, and have a baseball bat and destroy the room. I have anger I have stuffed deep down inside. Lived a life of constant dissociation to get by. I have to trust my T to not reply to their attempts to reach out me. It is all f*^cked up.

 

[hithere]

I confronted. He denied. It was worth it because my exile parts know I’ll stand up for them and...

I really like the sound of this.

 

[hithere]

this is an old thread, still I'll respond. I confronted one abuser. The csa one. I wrote him a letter. It was 20 years after it happened. One thing to note is I told my sister I was going to write the letter, to which she said "oh, don't do. Think of his feelings. Think how that will affect him now that he has a family and how that might affect his family" I am still astounded at her words so many years later. I wrote it. He wrote back. He told me he abused his sisters, too, and others. He told me he was sorry and begged me to forgive him. He said thought the past was in the past and that time would heal his victims. Now he realized it had not and he was sorry about it. The exercise didn't really do anything. Except reading Eve's words I realize it did in some way. I can see how that exiled one is looking up to me to help defend her. Just had to contribute to an important topic. There are others that are much more painful, though. I probably won't confront them at this point in my life. However, there is one woman, and she participated in some horrible abuses against me for a number of years that I didn't even understand. I did a google search and found her address. I think about confronting her and I have dreams about her from time to time.

 

[Still Standing]

I confronted my brother when I was in my 40's. I also wrote him a letter. He wrote back and did not apologize but told me to take the log out of my own eye because I was equally involved. It only resulted in a deeper hurt and feelings of being diminished. It had no value to the effort.

 

[No Name]

this is an old thread, still I'll respond. I confronted one abuser. The csa one. I wrote him a letter....

Thanks for the reply. I go through periods of time where I feel like I have gotten better... or even over it completely. Then, I slowly slip back into depression. I have nightmares. The mere mention of his names makes my heart stop... makes me shake. Today, I started writing a stream of consciousness in my journal. It's been months since I posted this thread. I have yet to confront him, but I like that you wrote them a letter. And now, I am considering that. I don't like the idea of doing over text or email. It just isn't personal enough or too easy to respond to. Nor would I or could I in person. I doubt I could even breathe if I saw him again. I might just write him unless I talk myself out of it. Thanks.