Hi. I was really glad to find this forum ~5 minutes ago. I read a few posts & can really relate, so maybe this is a community where I can begin reconnecting with people other than my spouse, with whom I actually haven't connected well at all the past couple or so years. (And, hey, if you've read this far—about the spouse & all—you may want to skim the next part.)
I'm just getting this out of the way—I'm not seeking support for it. So, this spouse—& I wish I were joking here—& I swear this was certainly not by design on my part, as I've always generally disliked psychiatrists, though my current one: she's good]—so, yeah, spouse is a psychiatrist whose specialty (what he did his residency in/what he principally treats) is trauma. YET! he's generally as non-compassionate, unsupportive, & rageful as one can be without being flagrantly abusive right now. And I almost wish I could say, "Well, surely that's related to some anger issue I have—I'm a mean witch," but I can't—I 'm generally afraid to express (& feel?) anger.
His worst moments are when I [the following are his words] "go exhibiting trauma symptoms aGAIN! Jesus Christ!!" So, if I'm reminded of something horrible & start crying, he's angry. If I say, "I feel so badly & it's just getting worse. I'm unsure what to do, but I'm pretty certain I need some more help," he somehow interprets that as me blaming him & starts raging, "There you go—you ALways BLAME ME for not being able to magically FIX you. I'm busy—what do you want ME to do about it?!" Then I generally shut down after saying some variation on, "I know you're tired and probably burnt out from work—and me. I wasn't blaming you at all ["RIGHT!"] —no, just letting you know. Maybe we can talk some other time."
Okay. I guess I am really sad & feel very hurt about all that. (In the past, he was worse, though—I've had a mild head injury twice &, once, a broken finger. And the first thing is even a bigger deal, because I'm a professional classical musician—that's my "day job," my "bread & butter," what I "do." He stopped doing that stuff somehow. It seems he detached in a way.
Again, I didn't want to marry a shrink. When we first started going out, I knew he was a physician, but he mentioned it in a way that made me think he was a gerontologist! ("Oh, I help elderly people for the most part"— because most of his patients then were elderly.)
Sorry about length. Please don't feel a need to reply to that. I was just getting it out of the way. I have more pressing things to deal with, really. And I want to be as supportive as I can for others here.
Thank you for being part of a great community! —Phoebe
I'm just getting this out of the way—I'm not seeking support for it. So, this spouse—& I wish I were joking here—& I swear this was certainly not by design on my part, as I've always generally disliked psychiatrists, though my current one: she's good]—so, yeah, spouse is a psychiatrist whose specialty (what he did his residency in/what he principally treats) is trauma. YET! he's generally as non-compassionate, unsupportive, & rageful as one can be without being flagrantly abusive right now. And I almost wish I could say, "Well, surely that's related to some anger issue I have—I'm a mean witch," but I can't—I 'm generally afraid to express (& feel?) anger.
His worst moments are when I [the following are his words] "go exhibiting trauma symptoms aGAIN! Jesus Christ!!" So, if I'm reminded of something horrible & start crying, he's angry. If I say, "I feel so badly & it's just getting worse. I'm unsure what to do, but I'm pretty certain I need some more help," he somehow interprets that as me blaming him & starts raging, "There you go—you ALways BLAME ME for not being able to magically FIX you. I'm busy—what do you want ME to do about it?!" Then I generally shut down after saying some variation on, "I know you're tired and probably burnt out from work—and me. I wasn't blaming you at all ["RIGHT!"] —no, just letting you know. Maybe we can talk some other time."
Okay. I guess I am really sad & feel very hurt about all that. (In the past, he was worse, though—I've had a mild head injury twice &, once, a broken finger. And the first thing is even a bigger deal, because I'm a professional classical musician—that's my "day job," my "bread & butter," what I "do." He stopped doing that stuff somehow. It seems he detached in a way.
Again, I didn't want to marry a shrink. When we first started going out, I knew he was a physician, but he mentioned it in a way that made me think he was a gerontologist! ("Oh, I help elderly people for the most part"— because most of his patients then were elderly.)
Sorry about length. Please don't feel a need to reply to that. I was just getting it out of the way. I have more pressing things to deal with, really. And I want to be as supportive as I can for others here.
Thank you for being part of a great community! —Phoebe
