Homework - finding positive counterpoints to negative self views

[Still Standing]

Ok, right up front, I have to say, "I don't get this." I have looked this over and I understand the statements but cannot see how they relate to me. At the same time, in a logical way, I do get it. But to claim the positive responses apply to me would be a lie. I will be disingenuous if I reply in the positive. I will get the "A" for the correct answer but will know that I actually flunked because the answer does not reflect who I believe myself to be. I feel like a fraud. It would be as untruthful as if I were to say that I was the president of the United States!

~ ~ ~ What I have to do is counter a negative stuck point as in: I am stupid, I am ugly, I am a bad person etc with an opposite statement such as: I am smart, I am pretty, I am a good person. There is nothing inside of me that relates to a good response for my particular stuck point.

How does one list out positive counterpoints to negative self views and mean it? I have such a HUGE problem with being untruthful and pretending. I see this as forcing me to be both and it is frustrating the daylight out of me. As hard as I dig around amongst my brain cells, there is nothing there that I know that counters my stuck point in a truthful manner. Homework stinks. I don't get it. :cautious::shifty::O_o: I'm whining and throwing an adult tantrum. I'm just going to go to bed and sleep this off...

 

[bellbird]

Just from reading your post, I'm not sure that the "point" of this exercise is to necessarily believe those positive things straightaway, but try to change your way of thinking overtime? Words can sometimes have effect even if you don't/can't believe them.
For example, a classic EFT (tapping) phrase is "even though ...[insert some shitty thing you're struggling with]... I deeply and completely love and accept myself" (or variations). I've always felt quite foolish saying that, because it's like, well, I don't deeply and completely love and accept myself though...?
I feel like the exercise is to use that homework to get to a place of self-positivity, rather than trying to get to that place first and then doing the homework. (If that makes sense) :)

 

[blackemerald1]

@Still Standing I struggle with this too. I think it is part of me having to be brutally honest with myself & thinking or writing those words seem's too dishonest, so untrue. I really struggle with finding any words that have a ring of truth in them. So I understand what you mean. I failed that assignment badly.

So now my T does it verbally and gently reminds me of the overly critical little monster I am towards myself and we bat it back and forth for a while. I usually finish with my little monster a bit more subdued.

this exercise is to necessarily believe those positive things straightaway, but try to change your way of thinking overtime? Words can sometimes have effect even if you don't/can't believe them.

I think this is what the exercise is about ^^ Well explained @bellbird. Yes it does make sense :)

 

[Still Standing]

~Had nightmares, so had to get out of bed and wake all the way up so I could go back to sleep.~ So I decided to snoop around the forum for a little bit.

I'm not sure that the "point" of this exercise is to necessarily believe those positive things straightaway, but try to change your way of thinking

I feel like the exercise is to use that homework to get to a place of self-positivity, rather than trying to get to that place first and then doing the homework.

Ok! Ok! :confused: THIS I get!!! If only the T would have told me that I don't have to believe it!!!! What a relief. I think you are right. Man! I have such a hard time taking people at what they say. If they say jump...I jump. I don't realize that there is flexibility or creativity allowances in the instructions. I think I need to explain how I hear his instructions as having to fully embrace a counter answer. Maybe he will be more aware that I need to be told that the rules are not as stringent as I hear them to be. And I struggle with either passing or flunking. No middle ground, no grace. You either win or lose...no other options.

This brings me to you, blackemerald.

I really struggle with finding any words that have a ring of truth in them. So I understand what you mean. I failed that assignment badly

Your post pretty much describes my struggle with words that describe myself in an acceptable or good manner. I total relate. My head empties out of all words that could possibly hint at a better me. Blank, it goes absolutely blank. I know the responses should be easy to say but there is nothing but moths and echoes in the cave where my brain was a moment ago. I can go from intelligent conversation to looking like I am deaf and dumb, in an instant. Frustrating!!! BUT, I think bellbird's understanding of the Cognitive homework is how it is to be viewed. I am going to work from her take on this homework.

Hmmm, is this cheating? If it is, we have another problem, here.:nailbiting::rolleyes::)! Oh well, regardless, you guys saved my ulcer from going into acidic overdrive. :wideeyed: Thanks!

 

[ILoveLife]

This type of exercises do work in creating the doubt that were actually better than we think we are, by assimilation of positive words into our vocabulary. After doing enough of these exercises we first start to question our thoughts, and then change them and apply them in better, more productive ways.

It's true, though, we don't have to believe them at first :)

 

[bellbird]

If they say jump...I jump.

I 100% get this, and am very much the same myself

Maybe he will be more aware that I need to be told that the rules are not as stringent as I hear them to be.

I think this is a great idea and I suspect it could be really helpful for you

Glad to have been of some help @Still Standing , and sorry about the nightmares. Hoping the second part of your sleep is more restful :)

 

[Still Standing]

Thanks, guys (generically speaking)! Night!

 

[Mach123]

I'm not doing anything wrong right now. This is how I started this and I could convince myself this was true. I was in bed. Comfortable (not sleeping but comfortable.) The outside was outside and I was inside. This state was going to last into the foreseeable future. (can I have a couple hours please?) So I'm not doing anything wrong right now. It's a feeling. One I'm not very familiar with. If the negative has the upper hand you can't do this because it says, "you don't deserve to feel good you have to worry about something." which is anxiety. I had to think about sex to make it work because sex is the only thing that ever felt "good" and I thought there was something really wrong with that.

 

[Joan]

I could have written your post. This has truly been a struggle for me. I have never been able to "buy" into the unrealistic affirmations. positive thoughts. My initial response was very similar to yours. Over the years I have worked hard to find things that I could believe, even if just a little. i.e. my entire view of success became radically different and I was able to make a positive statement about myself if I got out of bed, or if took a shower. You are showing up for therapy, you are truly trying to do your homework...kudos. naming gratitudes and finding even the smallest thing everyday that give me joy have helped me in this area as well. Keep up the hard work and be kind to yourself.

 

[Teasel]

Pleased for you to have found a way forward with this and knowing you don't have to believe it yet :)

I struggle with this too and on top of not believing things I hate affirmations lol they sound so sappy and well :p

Something I like is part of my meditation - repeating
May I be happy
May I be healthy
May I be free from suffering. Firstly meaning it towards myself, then towards someone I live, then towards someone I feel neutral about and then towards someone I have some (little) difficulty with.

It has helped me explore what it means to feel positively towards different people in my life and compare how easy it is to feel loving kindness towards someone I love as opposed to feeling it for myself.

 

[Still Standing]

affirmations lol they sound so sappy and well

:roflmao: Yeah, this is spot on! To say I am lovable but know that I am a pain in the keister just ensures that therapy is going to happen for a long time with a new diagnosis added on for split personality!!!!:eek::banghead::banghead::D It is like the T is talking about someone I don't know. It surely is not ME, when he suggests that I consider a positive counter point to my negative ones. It makes me feel so insincere and fake to tell myself that I am a "good" person. I feel like my brain matter is being squeezed out of a ketchup bottle trying to grasp this. Wish it were easier.:dpressed: But I accept what y'all are saying.

 

[EveHarrington]

I don’t swing to opposites, I go for neutral.

I’m ugly!

I’m not so bad looking.

I’m a bad person!

I’m not such a bad person.

These things are believable to me.