How Could They Do This??

[Dana1010]

I just fell into the "How could they do that?" hole last night. I mean, I know this particular person was a sociopath, and they don't experience life the same way as we do, but sometimes I just can't stop my mind from freaking out at the outrages that took place. It starts to feel like a knife inside, and like I have to do something about it, deal some kind of justice. I had to sit down and meditate for longer than usual to clear it out.

We're just never going to understand what life is like for those people, and they're never going to understand what it's like for us. Their wiring is faulty - they look just like us, but we are a world apart. I have experience with people who blow up and become abusive over ridiculous things like your father. It's like they are socially and emotionally retarded, they are handicapped. They don't belong among us and should be put away somewhere. I hope I can end my obsession one day, put them out of my mind for good, and just focus on positive people.

 

[digger]

This...

they don't experience life the same way as we do,……\……

We're just never going to understand what life is like for those people, and they're never going to understand what it's like for us.

 

[CMBMUA]

@Dana1010 @digger I agree they will never understand. I told my father I would never live in that house again and he called me rude and said that no one has done anything to me. I feel like he may be a sociopath, but I have seen him cry. Does this mean he is just an evil person and not a socio? I keep my distance from him and my family. His mother just recently passed and now I have to go to the funeral out of town. I have been experiencing major anxiety and crying pretty much non stop. Not because of her passing but because I know I will have to see him. I do not know how to handle being around him and dont even want to tell him sorry for his loss. I feel like a bad person, but I also know that when I am around family it triggers my childhood memories and I am completely miserable and have a hard time breathing.

What should I do to cope ?

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

So you feel that i am healing? How come I don't see that part? I feel that i am dwelling a lot..

I agree with what @Ghostybear73 said- it does sound like healing in a way and we do seem to be the last ones to see progress and healing. It might be dwelling, but sometimes you have to dwell on things for a little while in order to be able to get past them. It's a tricky balancing act really. That's, of course, just my view.

 

[Dana1010]

@CMBMUA, I don't think anyone on this thread would be able to diagnose your father. You can read what experts on sociopaths have written and try to diagnose him yourself, tentatively. When I read about sociopathy, my jaw is on the floor, it's like I'm reading the biography of this individual, I can see his face. When I think of sociopaths, I don't usually picture them crying, but I'm sure it's not unprecedented. People can cry for selfish reasons after all, like losing a contest or crashing their car.

 

[CMBMUA]

@Dana1010 thank you .

 

[Friday]

I know exactly why my sons father is an abusive POS.
Doesn't help any. Because it doesn't excuse it, help anyone, or change anything.
There's no "Oh. Well now that I understand that..."
Nope.
Sometimes how's and whys are useful.
And sometimes they're not.

Is how or why useful to you at all? Is there any reason on the planet that would justify their actions or redeem these people? (Maybe there is, maybe not, no judgement here either way). Would knowing change anything for you then, or now?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I just want to add that your posts are also outward focused...I think all of them involve other people and you questioning why they did something to you or why they treat you a certain way or if they are going to change. None of that really matters. Until you focus your healing inward, you're going to be stuck on that merry-go-round and you're never going to heal. If you want to really heal, you need to get to a point where you can say screw them, its all about ME and MY healing now, I am going to work on myself! That has not happened yet here, but I hope you can change your mindset in the near future as people can literally go an entire lifetime with their efforts focused externally instead of internally, and they never move forward. Its not the sort of life you want to end up living.

 

[RussH]

@J_trustno1 The simplist answer sometimes is the most correct answer, and that answer is: evil exist in this world. Whether on an individual basis, and some of those you have mentioned, or on an aggregrate scale like Hitler evil exist, and by its nature does evil things leaving a wake of damage behind it.

However the good news is: good also exist like a stranger performing a random act of kindness, or organizations like doctors withoug borders traveling around the world providing medical care to people who are suffering.

We cannot fully understand why someone commits evil acts, but we can counter them by performing acts of good.

 

[RussH]

@Ghostybear73 It is really good to see you back:)

 

[Julie50]

Just my two cents based on my experience....I think in recovery there are people that process by asking "why?" After a marital betrayal at one stage of my healing (probably the anger stage) I couldn't stop fixating on "why"....but I did get past it and of course as was mentioned..there's NO acceptable reason why but it was part of the healing process ....how my brain/personality relates things ....obsessive but not OCD

 

[J_trustno1]

Thanks to all the lovely people who put their time to answering my questions. I was very upset last night with the why and how questions. I don't think I can ever live with any of my abusers being near me. My father might be coming to NZ as soon as his old sick mother dies and I am already applying for jobs outside this city so I don't have to see that moron who berated me and treated me like crap. As with other abusers, whenever I visit my mum's brother's house or see him, i get goose bumps and I can sense my soul wanting to leave my skin because that man is vicious and can lash out on you anytime, there is no winning with this guy, he won't even leave a 5 yr old alone and wouldn't want to lose an argument for a kid, he's awful.

As for the pedophile, I hate his presence, I hate it when he tries to hug me and try feeling my bra while forcing a hug, my body automatically becomes stiff and numb when I'm around him. I have cut contact with these morons but I can't seem to forget them. I don't know how to normalize my body and not have such physical reactions whenever I come to think of them or around them. Whenever I give so much thought to these men, my blood boils, I get intensive anger, frustration and then it comes out as tears.

I have not found a way yet to overcome this. I know that i have come far from what i was last year when I hated myself and blamed myself but now I am stuck with those why and how questions which have no answers. Even if they come crawling on my door-steps cry for forgiveness now, it wouldn't mean anything because it won't undo what they have done, it won't take away those dreams and that pain i suffer from. But I am still not going past that stage, feeling stuck :(.