How do you stop comparing yourself to everyone else?

[Gs172003]

Muttly, I can really struggle with the phone too. I have barely answered the landline in six months... ma...

I hate the damn phone

 

[EveHarrington]

I hate...

Me too. I’m kind of surprised that I was able to call tech support. But, after the first guy couldn’t even tell me what kind of connection I had, I didn’t feel so stupid anymore.

Muttly, I can really struggle with the phone too. I have barely answered the landline in six months... ma...

I rarely even pick up my cell!

It’s a screeners dream! Do you remember back when people had answering machines, they called it screening your calls if you waited for the machine to pick up before you’d answer the call yourself? Of course “screening” has now changed, but I think everyone does it to some extent.

I remind myself that I don't know other people's stories. Like, I have had people who have mental health...

Thanks Muttly!

I’m going to try to remember that I am very functioning in some ways while other ways could use improvement. I know that functionality is a spectrum, but even so, I’m guessing that there are people who appear very high functioning who have difficulty with certain aspects of life! I know I need to be more kind to myself.

I think part of my struggle is that I’m still trying to get my meds straight. It’s an ongoing saga. I’m close, just not there yet. The big issue is sedation so I feel so non functional when I’m tired. Today I feel so drugged and I just want to fall over. But, I’m showered, dressed, out in public, and waiting for an appointment. I think this counts toward something!

Thanks again.

 

[Mee]

Five times .....

Spoke to a doctor tonight. Took a deep breath, pretended I was as competent as Eve.

 

[Cactus Bloom]

Muttly, I can really struggle with the phone too. I have barely answered the landline in six months... ma...

The phone! Yes! I am scared of the phone. Even if it’s my mom calling just to see how I’m doing. If I have to call the pharmacy to get refills, I have to set a goal on the last possible day to get it done and what time I have to make myself do it. Calling to make a doctors appointment is extremely difficult and once again I have to have a deadline on the day of the week I have got to get it done.

I am scared to open any mail also. That has caused me problems in the past because I wouldn’t pay the bills because I couldn’t open the mail. Now, my mom does all of the calling for me and gets my mail for me and takes care of my finances. Thank goodness for her!

 

[Cactus Bloom]

How do you stop comparing yourself to everyone else?

Today I accomplished one thing, hooking up...

I understand what you’re going through. I’m 43 years old and have been on disability for a little over 7 years now. I was always very “high functioning” as I could take care of myself and worked really hard. Worked way too hard actually. I seldom called in sick because there was so much anxiety of what I thought everyone would think of me. There was times that I did show up to work in so much pain that my managers would make me go home. What was interesting is that I was such a hard worker so I really never compared myself to anyone else in that part of my life. But, I hid all of my emotions and pain from myself and it was the confident “personality” that would show up to work.

As the years past and more trauma kept getting piled on, the harder it became for me to pretend I had my act together. I lost my job, ended my marriage and moved next to my mom where she takes care of a lot of things for me because I am barely functioning now. Maybe I’m so dissociative that I still don’t compare myself to others but it’s a lot easier because I don’t have to leave my house, have no children, husband or a job. I have my two kitties and that’s it. My mom takes care of my financial situation, makes appointments for me and sometimes pretends to be me on the phone so I don’t have to do it because it frightens me so much. She gets my mail for me and does my grocery shopping which is so wonderful of her to do.

Taking a shower is the one thing that my mom can’t do for me:) haha! I give myself a deadline for about a week but even then I forget what day it actually is. My memory is getting a lot worse and I lose days and weeks at a time and it’s extremely confusing.

I hope you can understand that you are special on your own and know that you are not alone.

 

[Mach123]

I got tired of feeling bad and as everything got better I was able to control this more and more. I couldn't do it when I was depressed. When everything was down so low I just couldnt "pull myself together and get on with it." I could say I shouldn't feel bad about this or think positively all I wanted but it didn't work there was too much bad stuff and there had been for so long. But once I started getting little incremental improvements I became able to take advantage of them. I know now I was afraid to feel better for a long time feeling bad had become so familiar. People have to pay others to get the wifi working it's no small thing. I am the network administrator at my house and have to make all the phones and computers and tablets and tvs work for everyone lol. That's a big job you should feel good about it. : )

 

[Still Standing]

Just to have the phone ring startles me so badly that I go into a panic. The phone is only good for games and texting. As for comparing one’s self to others, I think this is normal even for “normal” people. Everyone is seeing something better in someone else. It’s like grass is greener on the other side of the fence. But we don’t seem to notice the cow manure in the grass on the other side of the fence. Even so, I long to have the better things my friends have...close family, confident persona, talent, slender bodies, fun vacarions. But that is never going to be me. It is another type of fantasy, for me, to think this way, and it keeps me from improving “me”. And it breeds discontent and feeds into my personal perception of how much I do not fit into the world around me. So I try to not entertain the need to compare. Therefore I probably shut down some emotional reactions to prevent any hurt from stinging my heart. Hope this makes sense..

 

[Ronin]

Turning what is non functional into fun. :sneaky:

Seriously, people underestimate people so much if what they think they see is incapable dumbass. Which brings me back to fun.

Its when I really cannot, and have no use for it, that I get bothered. But by then, I have more important things to worry about than what others think.

Where things get to me is if I care for the judgment of those people. The so called everyone aint in that list though.

 

[ms spock]

It is really hard to stop comparing yourself with others. I find it really hard.

Kristin Neff's Self Compassion Breaks (available free in text or audio from her website on Self Compassion) really helped me.

Here is a simple example.

The three steps
1. you acknowledge your suffering - it is hard to set up a wireless connection when you are not a technical person, it is hard to do things that are demanding when you have anxiety
2. common humanity - that many people who have PTSD are not doing so well today, people with anxiety get wiped out doing stressful for them things, you are not alone today in struggling with these issues
3. how can you comfort/self soothe/be kind to yourself in this now. If you give yourself a physical gesture of comfort you release oxycontin in your body which manages the cortisol much better.

If not useful then please ignore.

 

[Muttly]

This video isn't specific to mental health, but it reminds me of the conversation. And while it's very success oriented in some stereotypical ways, the idea that everyone has their own clock is a great message.