How long did it take you to trust your therapist?

[Aoife]

As per title, how long did it take you to properly trust your therapist? Rationally I know I trust her. But when I’m having a moment I totally forget who she is and that I trust her, and just go full panic stations.

Like, does anyone fully trust their therapist and let them guide them when they are having a full blown flashback, or am I expecting too much? When I am calm I do trust her, but as soon as I’m triggered I go right back to freak out get away from me mute.

 

[whiteraven]

Like, does anyone fully trust their therapist and let them guide them when they are having a full blown flashback,

I trust my therapist in this respect but not in others. Not sure how long it took me to get there, though. I totally think it depends on the therapist and the trauma you are processing.

I know lots of folks, though, who trust their therapist explicitly, so it's definitely possible!

 

[Movingforward10]

I don't think it's a constant static thing. I think it's more moveable and dependent on the situation.
I think it took me a few months to trust her. It has taken a couple of years or more to trust she won't just dump me. But that comes and goes depending on what's going on.
I trust her now with guiding me through a regression or flashback. But that has grown out of a huge rupture where I lost that trust.

So, for me, it's not a "I didn't trust her and then I did".

But I know that she is good at her job and we've been working together for 3 years nearly. We know each other and how to work together now. And I have learnt to express myself more and to talk about the trust thing.

Have you told your T what you've written here? Sounds a good thing to explore.

 

[somerandomguy]

I would trust my current therapist with my life. But having had both excellent and terrible therapists before, I know what I'm looking for in a therapist.

It took a year and a half for me to trust my first trauma therapist enough to really be able to work with her.

 

[Skywatcher]

I trust that my therapist is human and imperfect. I trust that she is a really good therapist and knows what she is doing, for the most part. I love her. There are so many parts of me that feel differently about her, but she is a guide as we work together in my healing. It has taken me 5 years to get to this point after many ruptures and repairs (big and small).

 

[Charbella]

Like, does anyone fully trust their therapist

Hell no. I trust no one fully. I really like him and I trust him with some very difficult stuff on paper. But full on flashback, in my world no one is going to help or probably know it’s happening and I’m certainly not bringing it to their attention. All they’d know is she’s checked out, and I wouldn’t accept help for that either. I’ve had my therapist for 1.5 years now. Some people are more trusting than others. Also some people are able to rely on others. I have a double dose of I’m doing it on my own and trust no one. Fun times.

I hope you come to a point where you feel that 100% trust. I’ll be honest and say I don’t even have a desire for that.

 

[Freida]

Years.
Yep - years
I had to build up o what I could trust her with. I'd toss something out, see how she handled it, see if it felt ok to discuss with her. Then I'd up the ante a bit with more stuff. Then I'd up it again with "bad" stuff.

Blah blah and now I trust her - mostly. But it took about 3 years.

 

[scout86]

does anyone fully trust their therapist and let them guide them

You can let someone guide you without fully trusting them. That's a choice, to take a risk. That's all it is. Given the chance, you could think about what the risk actually is, what the potential benefit is, and what the potential cost is, but you don't actually have to trust someone to act like you trust them.

There have been a few people in my life that I trust wouldn't do anything to deliberately hurt me. Even so, I know that it doesn't make sense to do something like trust them to keep me safe because no one can do that.

 

[Weemie]

I trusted my therapist from the second she opened her mouth and responded to me.

Not that I trusted her with my life, or instantly formed a deep and meaningful bond to her. But rather that single strand of trust sprouted up as soon as she validated my point of view && demonstrated her composure, ease and competence. It was a back-and-forth exchange and she met me where I was.

There are various threads that are slowly untangling to form a tapestry. I trust that she does not want to hurt me. I trust that she is able to view me objectively and does not view me as evil (this one took a lot of work -> that is trust. It's been a year, now, since I've been seeing her.)

Because of her prior experiences in forensics && the way she discusses (vague, non-detailed) past clients who have been perpetrators of violent & sexual crimes. I'm slowly starting to trust based upon the way she conducts herself that she is not judging me harshly, but rather attempting to get us on equal footing with reality.

I don't fully trust that she doesn't secretly believe that I'm amoral or without a conscience, or a liar, or a psychotic or a piteous creature & that she will decide she can't help me & terminate me without warning. I have an impossible time opening up and being vulnerable and emotional before her.

The one time I teared up moved her to tears in response because it had been a year of detached garbage trauma vomiting beforehand. But the thing that really sticks out to me, with therapists, is that gut cinch. When you find the one, you'll know it immediately. The rest of it is just construction && window dressing.

Think of it like this: trust isn't an emotion, as much as it's a modal of expected behavioral probabilities.

 

[Missycat]

It took me a few months to fully trust, it wasnt due to anything in particular she did or didnt do - i had a poor experience with a counsellor many years previous and i found it really difficult to talk about my abuse so i was almost waiting for her to let me down as the counsellor had done . It took me years to trust that she wouldn’t abandon me. I trust her implicitly now.

 

[Livi]

Years! At first I didn't trust his assessment that I had experienced trauma, then I didn't trust his diagnosis of PTSD, then I didn't trust that he wasn't just telling me this to keep a client (he's an excellent therapist with a waiting list .... I logically know this doesn't make sense!) Then I didn't trust that he wasn't judging me, then after I disclosed some incidents to him I didn't trust that he believed me. Years of therapy later... I trust that he understands me, I trust that he has an interest in my growth, I trust that he has a process and decades of experience and has heard so many stories like mine before. I trust he will turn up on time, listen with care and help me understand the world that I am navigating. Do I always like therapy .. nope! Do I trust him... now I do yes! Do I trust him when I am triggered and I feel like the world is way too dangerous ... I am learning to!

I had to learn to trust the process and learn to trust him, and that included trusting myself enough follow my gut instinct that it was ok to build this relationship. I hope this helps - it certainly helps me to write it. Thanks for asking the question!

 

[Tinyflame]

I guess about 15 years to trust. When I realized it was up to me.