How Many People Say This Is Why I Am The Way I Am.

[Abstract]

Interesting thread, You are so impressive Gizmo. You have come so far. Well done. New self protective and empowered Gizmo. :tdown: You sound very self aware,

 

[Abstract]

I feel a bit of the odd one out as usual. I am a llittle like a clam (and have always been one) that swam into a huge vat of extra strong superglue and then wrapped metres of metal thread around itself then injected itself with anaesthetic just in case. So that it could not even tell itself anything. Except it would maybe rather be like doing all these things without awareness or intent as there was never the desire to speak for most of the time. Or the thought never occurred. Until the ridiculous glued up, wired up, numbed out clam realised there was only so much a clam could do stuck inside its shell and maybe it needed to interact with the outside world. To ever be a truly healthy clam. Not to be a gushing overflowing waterfall of info that runs off into hostile territory. But rather a clam that can open a little at will in the right and safe circumstances. For example if it needs a little helping hand (heaven forbid) This clam has spent the last few years painstakingly trying to tell itself that the partial inglueing is a good idea and then trying to unglue just a tad. Have dislodged a fair amount - about which I have mixed feelings.

Very interesting hearing what other people describe. I tend to study others to observe their sharing. Its becoming less foreign to me.

Been married 22 years and haven't told husband I have ptsd as an example. The idea is :wtf::stop::locktopic::yuck:

 

[I_will_recover]

I was carrying all this pain around and holding it up to the wrong people

This.
Just (sigh)... Damn I wish I knew this before I repeatedly ripped open my chest to offer my heart to others. I saw/gave it as proof of my love, sincerity and devotion. As an explanation. They saw a desperate smiling girl with a gaping hole in her chest holding her "crazy" in an outstretched bloody hand.
My desperation can be so palpable sometimes.

 

[Spiderallis]

Eek, I remember being too generous too quickly with how much I'd let anyone know. It's only been the last few days that I realized that's what the common ground was in a few very unhealthy friendships and relationships. We held up our broken pieces and showed each other all the scars, then I kept waiting for them to start healing like I was... it didn't occur to me that some people don't want to do that.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Interesting thread, You are so impressive Gizmo. You have come so far. Well done. New self protective and empowered Gizmo. :tdown: You sound very self aware

Thank you Abstract. you are so kind.

Very interesting hearing what other people describe. I tend to study others to observe their sharing. Its becoming less foreign to me.

Been married 22 years and haven't told husband I have ptsd as an example. The idea is :wtf::stop::locktopic::yuck:

I hope for the day when you can tell your husband about your PTSD. I see how being a clam has its advantages.

This.
Just (sigh)... Damn I wish I knew this before I repeatedly ripped open my chest to offer my heart to others. I saw/gave it as proof of my love, sincerity and devotion. As an explanation. They saw a desperate smiling girl with a gaping hole in her chest holding her "crazy" in an outstretched bloody hand.
My desperation can be so palpable sometimes.

What a good description of how it used to be for me. I am confident that you will be able to overcome the obstacles in your life.

Eek, I remember being too generous too quickly with how much I'd let anyone know. It's only been the last few days that I realized that's what the common ground was in a few very unhealthy friendships and relationships. We held up our broken pieces and showed each other all the scars, then I kept waiting for them to start healing like I was... it didn't occur to me that some people don't want to do that.

That was me too. Many painful and costly learning experiences.

Thank you all for weighing in. It must come from a dysfunctional background in childhood the deep need to be understood and accepted as we are,