How Psychopaths 'see' A Victim

[scout86]

@stillstanding2 , that would make a great cartoon!

This is complicated (like pretty much everything else in life!). Personally, I don't think smiling at someone you meet makes you any more likely to be victimized by a psychopath (or anyone else).

Horses do a lot of their communication non-verbally. If you watch them closely enough, every move has some kind of meaning. They can tell which horse is a push over and who isn't, by body language. They can tell who's a threat and who's not the same way. I haven't met many horses who seemed like psychopaths, but I think there might be a few. Other than them, horses don't lie and don't try to conceal what they are or how they intend to respond to each other. So non-verbal communication is pretty straight forward. Expressing interest in someone isn't an invitation to attack and a horse who's likely to attack generally has already indicated that.

People aren't so straightforward. But, I think, when someone is looking for a victim, they are probably (but not necessarily) looking for an easy target. Someone who appears to lack confidence, for example. Someone who gives a confident smile & says hello doesn't really fit that as a first impression. And we're usually talking about first impressions. Someone who appears timid, or unaware of their surroundings does. As does someone who appears to be lost and confused and upset by that. I really think you can be friendly and polite without making yourself a target. You do need to take people with a grain of salt and not just accept them at face value. You can walk like you know where you're going and have every right to be where you are even if you don't feel that way. I kind of think that's what they're talking about, when they talk about the significance of how you walk or otherwise present yourself.

The whole ear bud thing? It would bother me not to be able to hear what's going on around me and it would bother me to, potentially, be distracted listening to music or something in a public place. And, I think I can assume enough of a "leave me the heck alone" aura without that.

 

[stillstanding2]

@stillstanding2 , that would make a great cartoon!

This is complicated (like pretty...

Wouldn't it be great if people could be as straightforward as horses or good old dogs?

I'm not an outgoing person as a result of long-term PTSD. And for years I tried being "normal" with little success. But I've always liked people and admired many for their social skills and humor. I make it a point now to do my grocery shopping slowly, so that I can watch people, and maybe even talk and smile with some. Relieve the tension between strangers.

It is just disappointing at times to hear a cheerful "Hey! How You Been?" somewhere behind you, and when you turn, you find someone jabbering at a device. It is the same feeling you get from the dead stare of a person to whom you've offered a nod and a smile before you notice their tiny headphones. It is tragically ironic that that all these gadgets are called "social media".

Any authors or therapists who encourage insecure people to further mask their fears by adopting these gimmicks may be doing more harm than good. Acquiring verbal, person-to-person skills, preferably with eye-contact, is the healthier route. It is harder to do that, but it is vital to raising one's social confidence.

 

[scout86]

And for years I tried being "normal" with little success.

My T says that he thinks "normal" is highly over rated! :)

 

[Bill Dickerson]

Men when passing will normally make eye contact with another male even if it's for the shortest sec. It has something to do with the reptile brain and social behaviors. There are lots of other almost imperceptible body language clues that we never notice on a conscious level.

That said I think hyper vigilance may be playing a part into the perception of everybody is looking at me and stalking. In reality I believe that real predators are a very, very, small minority.

 

[Stickler]

If faced with a dangerous-feeling stranger?
I make eye contact, nod, and give a calculatedly-polite micro-smile that is intended to convey the following:
" I'm not out to get you, to disrespect you, or to cause you harm."

At the same time, I'm squaring up and planning what I will do if he or she pulls a weapon or tries to sucker punch me...and I am sure my body language is read as more threatening? I'm obviously alert and collected..

...I once started arguing with the air, loudly, when someone who gave me bad vibes was approaching. He walked WAAAY around me.
;)
That's life in the big city...

 

[Freedomfighter]

I don't know it's good conflating predators & psychopaths, and doing groupthink about either.

In fact I t...

Agree with your assessment, because I am working in the criminal justice field and there are predators out there who do not care about how large you are, about how smart you are. An obsessed predator will cross the line every time and not care what the implications to that behavior are.
I am being stalked and the people that do that are in no way concerned about their own life, they risk their own life every day to harass me, they risk the lives of innocent bystanders every day to get to me. They use innocent children and other bystanders to harass me all the time, to the point of people walking into my driving vehicle on purpose.

It is a false assumption that the size of a human being alone is considered a good defense, a truly obsessive person can not be stopped by that kind of impression alone. And yes there is something very wrong about an obsessed human being that places himself or herself straight into your path. An obsessive psychopath will fear a strong human being, they will then walk around that threat and attack in a different way.

But take it from me, I have witnessed such psychos daily and the only thing that stops them is a bullet.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Thank you for sharing this, @shimmerz ! It's quite helpful to me :)

I'd just like to add that there's a difference between the type of predator that is just a dumb jerk approaching you on the street and the actual psychopath type. The last one is much harder to recognise, because they are often very charming.

So combined with all the great tips shared in this thread, I'd recommend to always trust your instincts when you're unsure about whether you should trust someone, and not to ignore any red flags.

 

[Anarchy]

Today, I had a visit from a guy who's brother got murdered a good few years ago (and in the opinion of many around here back at that time, richly deserved it, there were even protest marches in favour of the killer!
In the opinion of one particularly switched on individual, who's been dead for about 20 years now, the murderer made a mistake - he should have killed the rest of the brothers).

he was right into my space - and he was here asking me for a favour... he can feck right off.

 

[Gs172003]

I carry a knife or mace. Everywhere.