How Would You Feel About Your Therapist Working With Perpetrators?

[Friday]

The mention that she had worked with perpetrators came up in this by way of her saying that having worked with perpetrators she was aware of the ways they find to try and justify and excuse their behaviour and that he would have found his own way of doing that anyway.

This right here would mostly dispel my concerns. It's past tense. Which leads me to suspect it was part of her schooling &/or internship work. Which is exceptionally normal for a therapist early in their career. Prisons & State Mandated therapy in divorce/custody/Child-protective-services cases are areas many therapists either have to take on, or choose to (especially in research studies during their masters programs), before they're established enough that they can choose their own client base and focus their work where they want to. Others, who do family therapy, or child therapy, are forced -by nature of working with abused kids and spouses- to have professional interaction with abusers. Any therapist who works with my son, for example, has my ex in their office every month.

Past tense or Present tense, however, I would want to know the context. Allegiances are an important bottom line to me.

 

[ladee]

Thank you for sharing the reason she told you. I think for me, that would help me to know she really did understand my situation and would be able to reassure me no matter what I did or didn't do, it would have happened anyway. It would make me trust her more. She knows. And can really help you to understand none of it was your fault.

 

[EveHarrington]

Honestly I don't think I'd like it for the mere reason that I could run into them in the waiting room and my safe space would go POOF. :(

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes of course I'd have no problem, unless they were my perpetrator(s), (maybe).

 

[The Albatross]

Hmm. Doubtless my shrink had his own idea of what he needed/took on what or who to pursue in his career. Not particularly aware that my shrink took pedos and abusers as clients but no matter. That was absolutely none of my business. My business was what was his effectivity with ME. And he did. He really did. I did my diagnosis and therapy in 9 months. I am lucky, though I'd already come to know and was ready to deal with the worst of it.

 

[The Albatross]

A. The sad eyes comment had me reeling for several weeks. For me I was feeling things very black & white. Either she was on my side or "their" side. It took me a while to absurd someone could have compassion for an abuser but still be my advocate.

I imagine it did... black and white thinking is of course a cognitive distortion... and the idea of being able to feel compassion from an independent third party, let alone someone you have a therapeutic relationship with, would rattle your tree. But the tree being shaken... what was your own observation of that photo bias aside due to him being your abuser?"

Cripes if I wanted an advocate who agreed to champion/agree with me I wouldn't be in a therapeutic relationship. Just saying... they mediated me between my own take/perception and I trusted that process. I didn't want an advocate though, I wanted an answer to my difficulties. What do you want?

I know what I wanted, I wanted to be able to navigate "the world", my relationships, and situations ... I knew I had a problem with that and I didn't want to be agreed with. I wanted myth/perception busting and to receive an independent yet educated opinion based on my background.

I believe in realistic therapeutic goals... and goal setting. I did that with my shrink... he would have been happy I'm sure for me to sit and swivel for years. But that was not what "I" wanted. No sir. I even told him I wanted to "fast track"... he delivered. In spades sometimes, but he did to that and I am forever grateful. No kid gloves for this girl, no how no way buddy. I needed to learn how to discern, examine, and cope, or change. He did do that... in 9 months.

 

[anonymous]

...And this is why I love this forum! The mix of responses has been very helpful. From the 'Of course I wouldn't have an issue with it' (why would you!?) right through to possible issues with it that hadn't even occured to me! And somewhere in between, the validation that some people at least would have the same reaction initially that I did.

I seem to have reached some clarity with it this morning in that I feel like I can be accepting of it as just part of her journey to get to where she is now. Now is where I am working with her and I need to try base my thoughts on my own experience with her. She hasn't ever said or done anything to imply that she would justify or excuse a perpetrators behaviour - she may be able to have an understanding of it, but that's not the same as sympathising with it. The context she raised this in is important I think and that was intended to support my growth and understanding of things.

I know that I have issues with reacting to things from different levels which are often in conflict with each other, and I'm pretty sure that that has been the case here.

 

[anonymous]

the mere reason that I could run into them in the waiting room and my safe space would go POOF.

My T doesn't have a waiting room so that one at least wouldn't happen for me! I don't think it's a current client group that she's working with anyway, but I guess in private practice there is always the 'risk' that clients don't disclose everything until you've been working with them a while so you might not know.

unless they were my perpetrator(s), (maybe).

Unless it were family therapy maybe, I think an ethical therapist would probably see that as a conflict of interest and wouldn't knowingly take that on?

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes, good point, that could be a conflict, unless it was family therapy. But maybe give helpful info? (I probably couldn't get over feeling un-safe though.)

I'm so sorry- I (personally) didn't mean to infer 'of course' meant = 'of course no one should have a problem with it'. I meant me-being-me of course I wouldn't have a problem with it. I think though, that perpetrators of stuff have problems that people can't figure out how to help solve, too. I can overlook re: myself (but that's just me), but I'd probably have more trouble were it my own child etc.

It's helped me to have a bit of understanding why they think they do that. (But that's just me too.)

Whatever you feel is good./ ok. :hug:

I think I'd have to have 100% (101%!) trust in the T.

 

[Deleted member 31177]

I would switch Therapists myself. My Psychologist of less than 10 years ago and just after I got out of the hospital for almost ending it knew of my multiple life or death sexual abuse issues; he had worked with sexual abusers before and yet he had totally misdiagnosed me, his buddy Psychiatrist (my then Psychiatrist after the Hospital) loaded me up on wrong medication making me totally submissive to this jerk as though I were living just for him - and I was and I did ANYthing for him, including the S word, YUCK!!! So I was sexually exploited (they called it at the Medical Board and Dept. of Justice's office when they filed an Accusation against him. Later filed a lawsuit, totally won big he lied so much.

What I'm saying is that I wouldn't trust a therapist who has sympathy or even empathy for anyone who screws up little children's lives and minds, or the lives of those who have been raped. I know this from experience. They are NOT "people too" - they are MONSTERS!!!

 

[anonymous]

I'm sorry for your experience @Julinha that is a terrible thing to go through. :(

I have been working with this therapist for quite a long time and thankfully don't have any of those concerns. It is often reading things here about other people's experiences of bad therapists that makes me appreciate that I have a good one.

It sounds like the therapist you saw was attracted to working with sex offenders for more sinister reasons, but having given the subject a lot of consideration this week, I think there can be other reasons too and that it's probably not always a black and white negative thing. I think having had your experience though it must be very hard to put that trust in someone again.

I think I'd have to have 100% (101%!) trust in the T.

I'm not sure I'll ever have that in anyone, but I think I do trust at least that she is working in my best interest. It helps that she has never had any problem with me questioning her on issues of trust or with asking her to clarify her position on things, in fact she encourages it.

I'm so sorry- I (personally) didn't mean to infer 'of course' meant = 'of course no one should have a problem with it'. I meant me-being-me of course I wouldn't have a problem with it

It's fine. No need for sorry :) It was helpful to read all the responses. Knowing that some people would have no issue with it helped me to question and work out where my issues were coming from and how much substance they had.

 

[Neverthesame]

Did your therapist say what they worked on this child abuser with?

Hammer, 2x4, taser, fire ants.... testicle clamps?

*sigh* Sorry. Before I came to this site, the idea of child abuse didn't have the same impact to me as it does now. I always thought it vile of course, but I had no comprehension of the level of utter depravity and horror that some people inflict on children.

The concept of them being able to seek a therapist, so they can work out their issues and sleep comfortably at night. While their victims lay awake terrified that this monster will pop up out of the shadows to hurt them again.

There is another fact I find utterly vomit inducing. I assume since this abuser is actually talking to someone about their crime, they were incarcerated for the same reason?

That must mean that I am paying for their therapy, with my taxes. While how many victims can't afford therapy, even on a sliding scale? That's fair, right?

Or they can get a college degree. Again, paid for by me.

How many victims fail or drop out because the anxiety of school is too much for them? How many have to work shitty jobs, barely able to feed themselves to pay off student loans that gave them no benefit? Just one more insurmountable obstacle to struggle past. For what? So they can break even?

Again, sorry. I try to be open minded, but I can't for this. As long as their lives in punishment are more comfortable than the free lives of the children they brutalised. I can't see that as anything but an insult to the victims.