Supporter Husband Of Wife With Ptsd

[Never Give Up]

I just read about apples in silver in Proverbs this morning, How ironic.

I was able to speak to my mother in law for the first time alone since December. She kind of gave me an update about my wife and how she is currently feeling. My mother in law was concerned about me saying "I have something else lined up" after our divorce. This hurt my wife even know I had explained myself on what I had meant by it. I noticed that "tough love" actually had worked when it came to reasoning with someone who has anger. I think having some consequences helped shake things up a little. Right now we are quiet again....but I am trying to let our situation this weekend simmer down.

I will remain optimistic and try to be encouraging. God is good.

 

[mywifestrigger]

Yes, God is good. It is very encouraging for me to write to you, thanks. My wife and I went through a very challenging time in the past two days. On Monday morning, my wife awoke in the morning and confronted me with a question. She confronted me about my anger toward her. I answered and stated that I was not angry with her and had not been angry with her for a long time.

She responded by getting very angry and confronting me by bringing up her committing adultery with another man and that I have not forgiven her because I always bring her adultery up. I stopped her and said that I was not angry, but rather she was ALWAYS angry and she was the one that ALWAYS brought up her adultery with another man. I confronted her and stated that the fact that she always brings up that she was with another man, is over the top emasculating and that she could not be any more cruel to me than for her to bring up her adultery constantly. I confronted her with the fact that I am not angry when she brings up the fact that she was with another man and committed adultery, I am hurt. I stated to her that I was hurt. She continues to hurt me. She hurts me with her words. She is relentless with the pain she causes me with her words to me. THEN I confronted her with truth.

I said that she was the one that was always angry. I stated that she was the one that existed in anger and she was displacing her anger on me and was existing in perpetual anger toward me.

My wife then began sobbing. She said that she was not angry. She said that I just did not get it. She said she was not angry, that she was hurt.

I said (without getting emotional at all only talking with her with genuine concern and gentleness) so you are telling me that you are not angry, you are telling me that you are hurt and are hurting, correct.

She said sobbingly YES! That she was hurting. She immediately began accusing me of being angry. I immediately interrupted her and said, "You are telling me that you are not angry, that you are hurting? Correct?" She said YES and again was going to go into her rant, but I stopped her.

I said that I was not angry either, that I was hurting also. I also clearly stated that her words and her actions were hurting me and that I was feeling that she was deliberately hurting me and that it was going to stop.

Then my wife began sobbing uncontrollably and stating, "You can't make me love you! I don't love you! Why won't you let me divorce you? I don't love you and have not loved you for 37 years!"

I said, "This is America. You can divorce me any time you want and I can't do anything about it."

She sobbed, "I do not love you! Why don't you divorce me?"

I said, "Because the truth is that you say that I can not make you love me, Ok, I accept that I can Not make you love me, so you must also accept the fact that You can not make me stop loving you. I loved you from the time you came into my life, I love you now and I will love you from this point in time forward. I will always love you."

At that point my wife was sobbing uncontrollably and walked away.

She texted me about three hours later and kind of appologized and said that she was physically ill. She texted that she was going to try to make it through work then get home and rest. I offered to come and get her and take her to the dr., but she said she was going to push through.

 

[mywifestrigger]

When I arrived home, she was already asleep in our bed, very early. I just let her sleep.

The next morning, she said that she was very ill with a cough that would not stop, a head ache and very tired. I told her that I would take her to the dr. for a check up. She refused. I insisted and finally she let me take her. Since it was early and we were at home and it would be a couple hours before the Dr's office would open, I encouraged her to listen with me to the Bible Study that she had originally wanted to go through as a couple. At first she refused. Then she accepted and we began watching the Beth Moore Bible Study on the Book of James, "Mercy Triumphs."

My wife began sobbing.

I took my wife to the Dr. The Dr. diagnosed her with a severe sinus infection and pneumonia. He prescribed antibotics for her and also the nurse gave her an injection of antibotics. The Dr. also said that the pneumonia was severe and that she must rest. This was the first time that she had seen this Dr. I was with her and the Dr. said, "I noticed on your form that you stated that you had PTSD. How is PTSD going for you?"

My wife laughed and said that PTSD was going fine and that she was handeling it great. The Dr. finished talking with her then left us to fill out some paperwork.

I asked my wife's permission to talk to the Dr. when he came back about how I felt she was handling PTSD and she said, "Sure."

When the Dr. returned, I asked him if I could say how I felt my wife was coping with PTSD. He said sure. So, with my wife present, I told him that she was having a very difficult time and that she was not handling PTSD very well at all. So he asked her to explain why I would tell him this. He was a very good Dr. He was able to really question my wife about the PTSD in a non threatening way.

After the appointment, my wife was irritated that I had talked to the Dr. I gently stated that she had given me permission and that I was simply speaking the truth out of concern for her and our marriage.

 

[mywifestrigger]

I took off from my work to take care of my wife. She is in a lot of pain from the pneumonia and the sinus infection. Also, the medicine caused her to be very nausious. I was with her and comforted her, she is sleeping now and has stopped lashing out at me presently.

Mercy and kindness triumphs. God is good.

 

[Never Give Up]

@mywifestrigger - wow that is a lot to process. It sounds like you at least dealt with some very hard issues with the adultery and emotions attached from both sides. I do not think you would have never had another chance like that again.

You are not alone. My wife just told me the same thing. "She has never loved me the whole 21 years of marriage" I told her that was a liar and she is just hurting me to make herself feel better. If you set the P.T.S.D. symptoms aside....is it possible that your wife is truly dealing with SIN. I know you cannot hold onto that for long. It will eat you from the inside out. It is easier for a loved one to dish out anger onto you versus dealing with God and asking for forgiveness. I feel that is what is happening in my marriage at this time. Your situation and the responses you are getting are similar to mine. Hang in there. I think you just moved a mountain of hurt and exposed it for what it really is. SIN and hurt. Remain kind and loving and allow time for healing.

 

[mywifestrigger]

Hang in there too and never give up! So many times when I respond to you, it is though God is making me look at not only your situation, but my situation also. Never give up.

 

[Never Give Up]

I have left almost angry this week. I have a lot of frustration built up and no one to go to. Yesterday my wife decided to go out and purchase on Apple ipad mini without ever discussing it with me first. We always discussed our finances together when it comes to making larger purchases, and I am now taking over the finances. She told me that since she had cancer, she deserved it. I almost lost it. She was playing the "cancer card' and used that situation to gratify her needs. I really do not care that she got it. It was the lack of respect and communication that we used to have.

My wife had a post cancer follow up yesterday and had some tests done. She would not give me an update and I have to worry that if she had something wrong I would not be told. Yesterday would have also been an opportunity to get her help with her anxiety, anger (possible PTSD) issues.

I totally understand that this whole situation is in God's hands. I feel broken and defeated without knowing there is eternity waiting for me.

 

[mywifestrigger]

Man, do I ever understand and hear you! You have got to remember to never give up though. You are not broken and defeated however! Since you still feel broken and defeated, know that if you were broken and defeated, you would not feel pain. The pain is a communicator to your soul that you are in fact alive. God hears and answers your every prayer. He just sometimes answers your requests with His answer of Wait. God is doing a great work in your heart and soul. Never forget that God is who we serve. Right now in your life, God has called you to unconditionally serve the most undeserving individual in the world to receive your unconditional love. Your wife.

Remember, that we too, when we were the most undeserving recipients of forgiveness, Christ died for us! Christ loves us with unconditional love, so that we too can love our wives unconditionally! The reward is not only when we die in eternity. It is for today! Maybe this is the day that your wife, and my wife will receive our unconditional love, and even, demonstrate Christ's love to us?!

 

[mywifestrigger]

Update as to my wife. Since recieving the injection of the antibiotic, and taking the oral antibiotic, she is very nausious. We are going back to the Dr. tomorrow to change antibiotics. She continues to be kind to me. She is in a lot of physical pain and is allowing me to take care of her. This is a major change in my wife opening up and receiving anything from me.

Just two days ago, she was screaming at me that she did not love me! She was sobbing that she wanted a divorce! The mood changes that she exhibits are so extreme. This is so mind bending, coping with her extreme mood changes.

 

[Never Give Up]

@mywifestrigger - Praise God! Enjoy the change and show the kind a love that she is missing. I know that the mood swing could change...but yours will be consistent.

 

[mywifestrigger]

Never give up and you stay encouraged also.

 

[Never Give Up]

update: the wife and I met with our Pastor together for the first time last night. The session did not go well and my wife had admitted that since her cancer scare, she does not believe in God and she sent in a resignation letter for membership. I was devastated by her actions and I did not know that was coming. I always felt that her anger was not just P.T.S.D. related...but just pent up hate. Who can carry that around with them all the time. She still wants the divorce to happen and I have requested that we need more time and she needs help. I know that if we get a divorce...her issues will still be present. I will not give up and remain faithful through it all no matter what.
The other issues such as anxiety, depression, dissociation are still there. And yes, I am also "her trigger".