I don't deserve this because i'm not worthy.. the same repetitive internal dialogue

[anthony]

Ok, so you've had good relationships in your past, so why do you believe you won't have the same goodness within relationships in your future?

 

[Rumors]

I can honestly say that I have had many of these feelings throughout my life. When I had my son, I realized I was going to have to change my thinking or risk that he would be as sick as I felt! It's a struggle, but he and I do an exercise when we brush our teeth at night and then on the way to school in the morning. It starts out with each of us looking in the mirror and say our name and then, "today is going to be a great day and I am worthy of love and happiness." When we are brushing our teeth, we each say five things we like about ourselves and five things we like about the other person, and five good things about our day. They are often silly things, but there are moments of greatness when I hear my son say about himself, "I am really smart, funny, handsome, and loyal... Best of all I sing great songs in the shower." It empowers me to do the same for myself. Healing starts with learning to love and respect ourselves first then it bleeds over into everything we do. Just FYI, I had to start with writing 5 things down I liked about myself because looking in the mirror and doing it was too hard.
Hang in there!!!

 

[J_trustno1]

@anthony: Wow, I can understand where you are getting to. The reason I feel that I won't have good relationships in the future is because the percentage of bad relationships is higher than the good relationships. I was actually counting on the odds of having a bad relationship. I'm sorry for replying late as I went to clean dishes and had to handwash some of my cloths.

 

[J_trustno1]

@Rumors: Wow, that's very beautiful. I'm very happy for your son that he has a parent like you. You deserve love and happiness too. You know I have a huge fear that my negative/damaged thinking will ruin my future and my future children and relationships because how you or I or anyone here feels is a result of our parents or abusers sick and twisted thinking. I totally disbelieve that any child needs to think sick about themselves based on a sick/filthy adults dirty mind and thoughts.

 

[anthony]

The reason I feel that I won't have good relationships in the future is because the percentage of bad relationships is higher than the good relationships.

You said it, not me... now you have a valid logic to review. So, what do you know about your future then?

 

[J_trustno1]

I can't predict the future really. I don't even know what will happen tomorrow unless things go planned. There are also few odds of having a good relationship too. But one thing I don't understand is why I feel disgraceful or filthy when I am interested in someone and they are making eye contact with me but I avoid the eye contact as much as I can because the same old phrase "Good girls" don't ogle or look at guys. My mental programming is preventing me to behave normally. I have missed God know how many chances of probably knowing others just by being ignorant.

 

[anthony]

Ok, new issue, and a good result, you accept you don't know what will happen in the future, which maybe you need to apply in some of your above statements about the future. As you admitted, you don't know what will happen, which is truth. When you try and predict the future you're creating a negative thinking style called futuristic thinking. You think things will happen that you can't possibly know or confirm will happen, which affects you in the present tense. All you need do is come back to the truth when you do it, and that is your admission that you don't know what will happen in the future. You can guess, but even those you should keep realistic, and if negative in any manner, revert to present tense and truth about future events.

The next issue is a little different... this is behaviour. That requires exposure and the act of doing, but first things first.... why do believe you feel filthy and disgraceful when you take interest in someone?

 

[anthony]

I have missed God know how many chances of probably knowing others just by being ignorant.

Past tense... this you will learn from, but don't allow it to control your present and future.

 

[anthony]

Oh... I'm just about to go to bed... so I will continue answering you tomorrow at some time. I also have a busy day or two, so don't think I have forgotten.

 

[J_trustno1]

@anthony: Wow, you are very right. No, I can't be with someone when I am that insecure and unhappy about myself and have many issues. I need to work on changing that negative thinking before attracting people actually right/positive people into my life. I've been so negative my entire life that I was adding negative people or the ones who take advantage of your vulnerability.

About the second issue, I am going to work really hard on this one because it is something I am very uncomfortable with. I tend to avoid guys of my age and the ones I am attracted to just because I think they are out of my league even when their eyes are fixated at me. I'm going to bring this issue to my therapy next week because I have been repeating my old behaviors a lot.

 

[J_trustno1]

@anthony: Thank you for helping me out. You have a lot of knowledge around this subject and I'm very thankful to you for coming up here and helping me with my twisted thinking and self-image.

Sleep well and I look forward to hearing from you. Goodnight, sweet dreams :)

 

[anthony]

I wonder how much this:

I can't be with someone when I am that insecure and unhappy about myself and have many issues.

Plays into this:

I tend to avoid guys of my age and the ones I am attracted to just because I think they are out of my league even when their eyes are fixated at me.

Your mind via text is a contradiction. You're beating yourself up for avoiding guys that you're attracted too, yet at the same time you can't be with someone until you have your own issues worked out.

I certainly don't know what the answer is, but I'm sure you will choose one or the other, but I think this logical issue you have, creating self-doubt and confusion, stems a little towards the above contradictions.

How much does the first play into the second?