I don't deserve this because i'm not worthy.. the same repetitive internal dialogue

[VioletButterfly]

Who do you think you need to hear tell you that you are worthy of all the good things the world has to offer? For me, it's not a person who defines my worth, yet we often look to others for validation or we try to earn it. I would ask why would one rely upon a flawed human being, loaded with his/her stuff, to determine one's worth? Also, worth can't be earned, it is inherent. It's very paradoxical. I would ask though, if you look very deeply into your soul, where does your concept of worth find its genesis?

 

[Rumors]

^^ pretty deep...

 

[anthony]

1. What if I am rejected
2.what if I'm not good enough for this person?
3. Why would anyone want me when they had other options.

Omg , I can't think of anymore ifs. I thought I had a huge list but no these are the only concerns I have which self-doubt and self-esteem.

You killed one issue yourself, in that you just discovered by writing out your what if list, that you only have 3 and not a huge list. A single little trick, such as writing things down, exposes the truth versus your catastrophising and magnifying, being a cognitive bias (negative thinking style).

Ok, so what is the worst thing that happens if you are rejected by another person?

 

[J_trustno1]

I will probably cry my lungs out for several months like the last one (cried for him for 8-9 months :(). I will feel that there is something wrong with me. I feel like crying right now. Why can't I just be happy and not worry about anything at all?

I have too many body issues, too many emotional issues :(

 

[anthony]

Stop getting ahead of yourself please... so you're telling me, because a single person rejects you that you cry for 8 months about that rejection?

 

[J_trustno1]

Yes, it took me almost a year to get over that person. He was initially a friend and then the relationship was only for 4 days and then he ignored me for a month. I know I sound crazy but it took me that long to get over the rejection. I didn't beg him or anything but I felt unwanted and good for nothing all that time. That is also a reason I didn't pursue anyone else after that time because I fear rejection and failure so badly. I feel that it's the end of my life whenever these two things happen to me. The very first relationship I had was with someone on internet (I know I sound stupid). It was all platonic and it was for 2 years. It turned out that he had a girlfriend and was only playing with my feelings for almost 2 years. It took me 2 years to get over that one :(

I keep striving to want acceptance from places where I will never be accepted. It just hurts. Why is that I am looking few words from them when they will never say it to me? Why do I want them to erase all the nasty names they gave me for my height, weight, looks, my qualification, my personality etc etc... Why do I keep wanting to hear them say that "J, you are fine for who you are, we love you for you, your height is okay, you are not ugly, you are not scar from the lion king, you are not a nun or a nymph, you have perfect teeth, well-done for your achievements and your grades etc...."

Why do I want to hear this from them to feel good when it's never going to come true? Sorry, I'm crying while writing this :( :cry:

 

[anthony]

Ok... lets stick with the facts but. Did you cry for 8 months? Entirely?

 

[J_trustno1]

I didn't cry 24/7 though. I cried several hours initially and the time for crying started diminishing after 4 months.

 

[anthony]

Ok... do you see the difference between, "I will probably cry my lungs out for several months like the last one (cried for him for 8-9 months)."

Verus

"I cried several hours initially and the time for crying started diminishing after 4 months."

This is your thinking being distorted. You're taking a negative and magnifying it beyond proportion.

Now, you say you feel rejection, however; I have read that you have been applying for jobs endlessly for a year, interviews and such, being rejected... yet you continue to apply.

What is so different between the two?

 

[J_trustno1]

That I haven't given up yet. I am getting up any trying? I could give up and sit back and do nothing but that won't get my foot in the door.

 

[anthony]

Do you think relationships are different from looking for a job?

 

[J_trustno1]

Not now actually. But I wouldn't want to apply for over 200 guys lol :roflmao:, that would be exhausting lol. What if the other partner end up being better looking than you and won't they feel the power over you?