I Don't Feel Like I Ever Get Any Better.

[Meloody]

Hey. Sorry if this is in the wrong thread, or whatnot.

This is my first time here, and I'm not in the best condition at the moment. I just need to let some things out. I was abused by my father for 10 years or more, and have been in therapy since I was 6 years old. (The abuse started when I was very young, but memory loss left me, and everyone else unaware.) I am now 20 and am still crying myself to sleep at night. Every time I feel like things will be all right, my nightmares come rushing back. The only person I feel safe with is my boyfriend, but I think he has stopped caring. He was my only support, and I can feel him slipping away. I work at a laboratory, I love my job. But I have been gone for so long because of anxiety attacks and flashbacks, that I will probably be fired soon. Everyone seems to be so disappointed in me. Nothing seems to work, and my doctor won't give me any medication to help me. I suffer hallucinations from time to time.

After 14 years, I have realized that talking doesn't help at all. I am desperate, this only gets worse. Have any one of you ever gotten any better? If so, how? Please, if anyone has a solution, share it. Please.

 

[scout86]

Welcome!

I told someone the other day, I look at PTSD as being kind of like a bad burn. It can heal. Some burns are more damaging than others, some people heal better than others. You will probably always have a scar, but that doesn't mean you can't have a life. What kind of life depends on the level of damage, the level of healing, and maybe a little on your own determination.

If you've been talking to the same therapist for 14 years and don't feel you've made any progress, you probably need to talk to a different therapist.

Good luck with your journey and welcome to the forum. This is a good and helpful place.

 

[littlelostchild]

Dear Meloody, first let me say how sorry I am that you are in such pain and that things are so difficult for you right now.

I would never suggest that our experiences are the same, but I was sexually abused by my father beginning when I was very young (the sexual play began I think when I was about 3) and continuing until I put a chair between us when I was about 16. I was also sexually assaulted by my grandfather and uncle. I am now 51 years old. I have had cycles in my life when things have been tremendously difficult and times when things have been absolutely amazing. I have recently been going through a really rough time with periods of suicidal thinking. I am just coming out of this period and I want you to know that yes, things get better.

We can't see around the next corner to know what is up ahead and moving forward is so important. You do need to have the right supports in place. You say that talking doesn't help - are you working with a therapist who specializes in trauma? There are many therapies that have helped people here. I am currently involved in CBT - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and am beginning Exposure Therapy. I also take medications. Having a good therapist with good medical treatment is very important.

Be well

 

[cherryblossom]

Welcome to the forum Melody.

I completely agree with scout

If you've been talking to the same therapist for 14 years and don't feel you've made any progress, you probably need to talk to a different therapist.

Therapy, isn't just about talking - you need some feedback from your therapist. Talking alone, will never resolve all the negative emotions surrounding your trauma. You need input from your therapist to challenge your negative thoughts. Plenty of therapists will happily take your money in return for you just talking, and in some instances that's enough for people who just need to talk and be heard.

But suffering a huge trauma / prolonged trauma, just talking (however hard that is), isn't enough. You need a specialist trauma therapist, who will explore your feelings with you, and push you to the places you don't want to go, to think about the things you don't want to think about.

With the right help, you will get to a better place. But it also takes commitment from you, firstly to find the right therapist for you, and secondly to be prepared to feel 1000% worse, while you process your trauma, before you even begin to feel better.

You are not beyond feeling better, you just need to figure out how. There is so much information here - just have a good read around, and begin with learning all you can about PTSD, and the possible treatments, and management of the symptoms. It takes a long time to figure it all out, and how you can work all the tips into your lifestyle. The key thing is to never give up trying!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

It's time for a new doctor and a new therapist. My guess is that neither specializes in treating trauma.

A good doctor will be open to prescribing medication to help alleviate your symptoms. I think that at this point, taking medication is perhaps something you should seriously consider. Oftentimes it is a temporary help so that therapy is more effective.