I Feel Crushing Rage

[Raj]

I keep reaching out for help with a GP and directly and indirectly with family and no help. I feel like every breath is sand but yet not a full on panic attack, does that make sense? I am fighting to stay calm and yet my head pounds even with the seizure med's I am on.

Been trying for two months two get some kind of therapy and exercised to the point where my physical disabilities are overwhelmed! I miss safety of counseling and venting without offending loved ones.

Going out of town soon (next week) maybe even more meds since from an ER since Idaho rural health sucks. I shake inside from anxiety and outside form partial seizures oh what fun!

 

[Alexia]

Raj, I feel the same. My mom and I both have PTSD and most of the times we push each others red buttons. To me she is my number one supporter and I can't lean on her like I used to. Most of the times when I see red its because of her.

When I can't go to my mom I turn to my friends and even though they don't understand or at least grasp the context of what I've been through its nice to say to someone "my mom is being a complete ass and I'm so frustrated I could punch a wall". Even though they don't understand saying it helps and they usually aren't going to run to her and tell her I dissed her. Most likely they tell me all about how crazy their mom is or about how unfair she is.

It just helps to get it out because a lot like you, I hold my anger in until I explode like a volcano and whom ever and whatever is in the way gets the full frontal blast. Normally I would turn to punching on the punching bag or play basketball but I can't anymore because holding everything in shocked my system so organs are failing and I'm falling apart all over the place. Also sometimes different SSRI's can make a huge difference in the way you handle things.My mom is on celebrex which helps control seizures and pain and depression. But that doesn't work for me and I take Prozac which works wonders but I still take 15 other meds for my condition.

So basically what I'm saying is hang in there because I know when I'm in my volcanic state, someone who understands and says it's gonna be alright and just to hang in there, there's always tomorrow (Annie reference), it's more than any counselor or family member can do

 

[Raj]

Thanks Alexia feeling desperate today.

 

[Alexia]

It's ok, it sounds like you're gonna make it :)

 

[healthbuilder]

Hi guys,
You both need to adopt an habit of using self help tools for a healthy and happy life.

 

[jmni]

What causes your seizures? I have rage as well. I think the problem with it is that I find I need to isolate myself to prevent me from looking stupid or potentially doing something bad like driving badly which could put others at risk. I was going to suggest running. I hate running because it seems to ignite my PTSD. Running pushes it to the surface, but I can't scream or talk to myself, then it's vented out and afterwards I am sort of normal again. Is there some kind of physical exercise you can do to diffuse the rage?

 

[Emily The Strange]

Hi,

I can somewhat relate to what you have said. I get this feeling inside for days that I can't quite figure out until I snap. I used to think it was just an anxiety thing but recently I have associated it more with anger and rage. I never used to be an angry person but the less help I receive from my GP and family the worse it gets. I have now gotten to the stage that it takes very little to make me explode with rage. There is so much inside of me that normally cannot escape that has built up for so long that the anger is always surfacing. I am currently not receiving any professional help and I to miss the safety of counselling and the space to let it all out.

I try to exercise to release some energy and sometimes it works. Have you tried destroying things, I have a car bonnet and a hammer that I attack when things get too much to stop me taking it out on other people. Maybe you could give that a try. In my experience it works, I haven't hurt anyone yet, although it goes go through my head a hell of a lot.

Take care.

 

[jmni]

Have you tried destroying things, I have a car bonnet and a hammer that I attack when things get too much to stop me taking it out on other people.

Destroying things is the best release for rage that I know of. I haven't felt the urge to do that lately. Maybe I will try that.

 

[Raj]

My seizures are caused by the head injury my sibling gave me when they through me on a cement floor head headfirst and enhanced by a birth defect. Some rage there as I was lied to for years and told that there was no known cause for these seizures, then treatment was taken away cold turkey, leading to serious learning problems.

That "accident" caused me to convulse until my heart and lungs stopped.

Maybe I need more than a punching bag. What do I destroy first?

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Hi guys,

I know this rage thing... my last "incredible rage attack" has been some time now (like, two months, for me that's a looot of time). People also used to recommend to me that I use a punching bag, or hit a pillow or something, but my rage was so huge that I would rather break some glass.

Raj: I have tried "beating up" things that made a sound. For me hitting a pillow just won't work because you won't get "any reaction" from the pillow. It just sits there! I used to beat up my wardrobe (it was kind of sturdy) and my metal bed (I had one of these high beds). Last one wasn't so good for my knuckles though. I used to wrap something around my hands, like a shirt, before I did that (other times I didn't and it hurt like hell).

Getting the rage out seems pretty important. Random screaming also helped for me, though I was afraid people would hear me and think I was crazy (actually in one house, my neighbors did think that -they told me on a note!). But when I got real mad I screamed anyhow. I screamed what I thought (about my mom, in this case).

Is there some kind of physical exercise you can do to diffuse the rage?

Jimni, I also used to go running but that didn't work for me either, because I'm really thin and kind of made that worse. I was just burning muscles. I took up drumming. You don't want to break your drumset, so there's a limit to how hard you can pound it (haha!) but it really works to get rid of the intense energy. And it actually also feels awesome to produce this size of sound. Only that can be a problem with neighbors too. I have a digital drumset with headphones.

 

[Mika<3]

I suffer from rage as well, I really relate to your post because its one of the hardest things for me with my ptsd. The smallest things make me flip out and I have to just keep it in because I don't want to hurt people, but that heavy rage in your chest where you feel like you cant breathe is so awful. It makes me feel powerless and in despair. The worst part is, I'm a small girly girl - people don't take me seriously, when I get angry I cant really do anything about it. I found the 2 best outlets were exercise, any exercise, you don't need to run, even just doing sit ups and push ups at home... exhausting myself works. and the second is breaking things like emily said. If you bottle it up inside, one day you will snap, and everyone else around you becomes collateral damage. So no matter what your neighbors think, do what makes you calm down. It's better than keeping it in.

 

[warathome]

I am only 5'3" and recently put someone bigger than me through a wall. It wasn't on purpose and I felt bad after, but i was so angry and fearful it just happened. It happened before I could even stop myself. People don't expect it out of me either even though I tell them all the time. Then my friends cmment was "you have a little mean in you". I wasn't sure how to take that statement. It's not like I WANT to put people through walls, I just couldn't stop it.