I Hate Christmas

[futurefocussed]

I bet you've never heard a proclaiming Christian say that they hate Christmas.
Christmas is torture.
I try to be positive about Christmas
That my church is my family
They include me
All of which is true
They love me
But they're not my real family
They're not my dad and the Christmas tree on December 1st
They're not my mum baking cookies in the kitchen (which I only ever dreamed that she would)
They're not us all getting together around the Christmas ham like all the movies show
They're disfunctional
My dad gets too drunk
My dad mouths off at my mum
My mum hides
My dad drinks more and targets me
He thinks he's funny but doesn't see it destroying me from the inside out
I come home and I cry
I tally up how long is 1% of time and I count each %
Celebrating when I reach each milestone in time
I hate Christmas
I don't hate the reason for it, I love the fact that Christ came down as a baby to fulfill the prophesies of ages past
I hate that my family has lost that, lost what Christmas really means.

I hate that my aunt tries to change me
I hate that my mum eats too much
I hate that my brother's don't know how to defend us
Or that they won't
Ignorance is bliss right?
I hate that my grandma isn't there
I hate that my aunt tried to poison my grandma against me on Christmas
I hate that dad tried to guilt me into giving up on myself to care for my gran on Christmas
I hate that I feel so alone because everyone is too busy to listen to me on Christmas

So yes I hate Christmas.

 

[IamFree]

I really sympathise. Christmas itself its just a date in the calendar but the very powerful hold it can have on us emotionally the years and years of accumulated bad memories.It is very painful...I like the way you got all the reasons why you hate it of your chest. I must identify myself the reason why I hate it so much and why I always feel like I want to run away from it.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

(((future focussed)))
I am a Christian..VERY firm in my faith, but for YEARS I hated Christmas. Like you, I love that Christ died for us, and I love what Christmas is SUPPOSED to be. Humans...a LOT of them Christians...have warped what it's all about. I COMPLETELY understand how you feel. Maybe our experiences aren't exactly the same, but the result? Yes, the same, and very sad.

As a preacher's kid, I learned too much about the inner workings of the church, as well as our home life not matching what I was being taught. It is so very guilt-inducing. Anger inducing as well. You are not alone.

I stopped by for just a second, and had to write a quick reply. I will be back in a while...just know...I care!:hug:

AKJ

 

[Freedomfighter]

I bet you've never heard a proclaiming Christian say that they hate Christmas.
Christmas is tort...

I do not hate the holiday, but since turning away from Catholicism it does not spell the same anymore. However what I hate is much more apparent: I hate people that pretend to be christians, hate people that pretend they are married while messing around with little prostitutes at work and give each other christmas presents under the tree right after that.

I hate pretense, fake information, and what we Germans call Heucheler und Lüegner, pretenders and liars.

 

[Gs172003]

(((future focussed)))
I am a Christian..VERY firm in my faith, but for YEARS I hated Christmas....

Agreed. I also hate Christmas. I hate what people have done to it.

 

[ladee]

One of my major trauma happened on Christmas. Every year I say I am going to put that behind me... but I can not seem to conquer the demons of vulnerability.... and second what @Zoogal said, I hate what people have done to it.... be glad when the hysteria is over and I can go into a store and not be accosted by the music...

 

[The Albatross]

The whole season is not my favored... it is a reminder of too many dysfunctions, illnesses, deaths, and all manner of things contrary to the reason for the "season". However it comes, annually, and it is as enviable as the tides or seasons. It is up to me, how/if/when/why... since I rationally know these events will occur every year... to endeavor to cope.

It is an opportunity presented each year... rather than a cause for angst.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

My T asked me a couple of weeks ago how I'm dealing with the whole "holiday thing". Interesting how he put it since he's a Christian himself - just not a legalistic one. I said I was fine...now I'm not so sure.

I think "hate" is a strong word. I don't hate it, but I do have a hard time knowing that another year is ending and I still have PTSD. Hard to change the calendar page. Start ANOTHER year. About to start all the dates I'll never forget.

So yeah there are aspects of Christmas and New Years that I really have a hard time with. I cry over them in private. I'm really struggling with a rising depression level right now, so that's bound to cause it to be all more exhausting.

Confession...I'm one of those people who have perfected the art of "pretend" and "the actress". I don't want to be a pretender, but I don't want to crush the mood for my children. I also don't want to answer any questions. So I do put on the "holiday cheer" when I have to.

 

[futurefocussed]

Confession...I'm one of those people who have perfected the art of "pretend" and "the actress". I don't want to be a pretender, but I don't want to crush the mood for my children. I also don't want to answer any questions. So I do put on the "holiday cheer" when I have to.

Every fortnight when I go down to my parents house I pretend and I hate that I have to, that I can't share my life with them.
And my aunt, I have to be cold towards because I have given her chances but my heart can't take another let down from her, her promises that she'll be there, when she never is...

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I hear you @futurefocussed . I wish I could be more transparent as well. Maybe someday I will be. Time will tell.

 

[Lionheart]

I was recently reminded that Christmas was about God's love for us and our love for one another, but I forgot that this includes love for ourselves as well!!

Perhaps you can focus on loving yourself more during this season and find a little peace, love and happiness for yourself. That is what I hope for you anyways.

I am sorry that it has gotten to the point that you hate Christmas, but I do understand.

If I may send you a healing hug as a friend...

:hug:

Lion