"i love you" in the therapy room?

[Deleted member 42665]

Therapy is a pretty intimate place. Trauma therapy is a hellishly hard thing to go through. It’s *...

I am sorry if it comes off rude, its just an topic I like reading about, different experiences,good and bad, some people share some don't and that's ok. I meant no harm by it, I'm sorry if it came off that way

I do have trauma, from childhood emotional and physcial abuse.... I may have a form of PTSD but I've never discussed it in therapy and never been diagnosed that way.

I do want a friendship but when I hear relationship, I think romance... and no, I want that with no one ever, never have. My parents have made that an option I definitly want to avoid for life. I already realize my T has said no friendship so please don't harp on me for "still going on" about it, I was merely answering you as to yes I do, even though I can't... but not a romance, Anyone who has known me for any large length of time can tell you, I've never had that desire. I have alot of intimacy issues. I don't NEED a relationship to be whole or happy... again, it's NOT why I am in therapy. I've even told him NO to discussing relationships, nothing he says will change my mind on the matter.

Anyway... sorry for the all drama and upset I caused, I'll try to be more careful posting in the future

 

[Justmehere]

It's ok to not want a romantic relationship. Lot's of people do not. I'm concerned though, probably like your therapist, that this is a symptom of avoidance related to the underlying unresolved trauma. But it is 100% your choice to not go there.

I do want a friendship

Yeah. That's really clear. It's a good thing.

You clearly did want a friendship with your therapist. It's ok to want to be friends, but not actually go there with a therapist (as you have discovered.) But it's ok to want friends. In fact, it's important to hang on to the desire for friendships and platonic connection. Humans are built to connect. Study after study shows how important friends are to health. Kids who do not have any emotional connections can die from failure to thrive, even if all physical needs are met.

I do have trauma, from childhood emotional and physcial abuse.... I may have a form of PTSD but I've never discussed it in therapy and never been diagnosed that way.

What's holding you back from working on this in therapy? You can work on the trauma without working on romance and "I love you" in therapy.

 

[Deleted member 42665]

It's ok to not want a romantic relationship. Lot's of people do not. I'm concerned though, probably...

Sorry if I confused you. We do discuss my trauma often. I just meant I've never asked about ptsd.

I'm open to friends but i also prefer to be alone most times. So most of my friends are online and its cool. At least people i can talk to. Back when I had real life friends i often turned down things in person. I just get exhausted from people .

Hence why my t thinks i have avoidant personality disorder.

Working on me. Learning to accept and like me is far more important than worrying about why I dont want relationships. So my t and i are trying to work on that instead.

Thank you for respectful replies

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Has anyone here ever said ILY to their therapist?

Nope. It has never occured to me to say that due to the amazing boundries we have in therapy. I've madly come on to him, advised him of sexual fantsies I have (and still have) of him, advised him of major embarassing and morally wrong sexual things I was doing and one by one we worked on those things (as he was laying stict clear boundries that we come back to often - less now then at first as they are clear as can be now and I would never cross them but still we come back to them) but it has never occured to me to tell my therapist I love him as I honestly don't. I care about him and what happens to him and hurt for him when his sister died and he was working the day after he found out but that is normal human empathy. There is a difference. I am learning how to love and be loved in therapy, for and by others, but I don't love my therapist. I want to love and be loved but know the difference of that and actually loving my therapist and wanting his love. There is A HUGE difference there and if you don't know the difference, clearly, I highly suggest you bring that up as a therapy item and work on it. Though I am still very unsure this therapist is the right fit for you as you still obviously do not have boundries there and again, were and are his to lay for you and to make them clear for you and strictly adhere to them.

 

[Deleted member 42665]

Nope. It has never occured to me to say that due to the amazing boundries we have in therapy...

To be honest, I never thought I loved him either, I've only ever loved my dogs, the only reason I ever thought it was due to this worksheet he recently gave me on emotions and as I read through the "love" one, it was how I very much felt about him, and it angered me.

I don't want anyone's love, again, I don't trust people who say they love me. The only love I accept is from animals. If by some random chance he ever said he loved me, I'd laugh at him and then tell him I quit. I would instantly distrust him. So no, its not something I WANT or WANT to hear from him

Again, I apologized above but I merely posted as a general question as I was curious on people's experiences. Other forums share and post things like that so I thought it was ok here. This was never supposed to be about me and my T which is why I was clear in my original post that I was cringing at the idea of people who did/do.... and I never wanted to

Strict boundary T and I would never have got this far, if I was not allowed outside contact, if I didn't have someone who told me about themselves, if I didn't feel a real connection, I would have quit ages ago. Strict T's are fine for some but would never have worked for me. I have learned to trust this man more than I do most anyone I've ever known... that in itself is scary but he's obviously working well for me in that sense.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Other forums share and post things like that so I thought it was ok here.

No one ever said it wasn't. I see zero wrong with posting it here nor do I see anything wrong with the replies. What I see is you bucking at being challenged and it's what I saw in your other therapy thread as well. Why won't you challenge these cognitive distortions? Why is that so scary for you?

Strict boundary T and I would never have got this far, if I was not allowed outside contact, if I didn't have someone who told me about themselves, if I didn't feel a real connection, I would have quit ages ago. Strict T's are fine for some but would never have worked for me. I have learned to trust this man more than I do most anyone I've ever known... that in itself is scary but he's obviously working well for me in that sense.

You have no idea if that's true. I trust my therapist more then anyone on this planet but he has strict boundries that we do not cross. We can talk about it. We can talk about anything. But him allowing me to tell him I love him without turning that into a therapy moment wouldn't happen. He would for sure disect the hell out of that and help me see why I felt that way and we would talk about that. He would not entertain "I love him".

Boundries can be anything and they help me a ton. As I said, they guide me in the right direction. Bumping into them helps to guide therapy in the direction it needs to go. Many therapists allow outside contact. They don't allow things that others patients don't also have access to however (if other clients cant contact him outside of therapy then you shouldn't be allowed to. If others are but it's only about therapy then you should be able to but be limited to only therapy topics etc).

The theraputic relationship is a very unique one and, in my experience, if clear boundries are not laid and adhered to, therapy goes into wild not healthy or helpful directions. I have 4 horrible therapy experiences under my belt; 2 in which had sex with me. Boundries are hella important in therapy in my opinion!

 

[Deleted member 42665]

No one ever said it wasn't. I see zero wrong with posting it here nor do I see anything wron...

I'm sorry about your horrible experiences.

Again, it might work for some but it would not for me. He has boundaries, I know them. I don't need to wonder... he is just very "grey area" and that's ok with me. Never said I loved him to him, nor would I..... so not sure why you mentioned that again.

I am not bucking at things as you say, sometimes people just come off rude or attacking in how they say things, it's hard to know the emotions behind typing. I don't like feeling attacked online. No one does.

Anyway.... let's just end this convo. I'm exhausted from trying to explain what I don't feel I need to explain. My relationship with my T is only for me to worry about, and if it makes me uncomfortable or not.

 

[joeylittle]

Nope.

So you are not even considering “I love you” actually happening in the therapy room. But you still want to know what happens when others say it? Why? Plain curiosity about other’s therapists? How does this help you get better?

Right question, because we are a peer support forum, indicating your intention here is to do your own work and support others in theirs.

Pure curiosity. I like reading therapy stories. I didn't realize it would be an issue. People happily replied the other place I asked without getting on my case

How nice for you, and them.

Other forums share and post things like that so I thought it was ok here. This was never supposed to be about me and my T which is why I was clear in my original post that I was cringing at the idea of people who did/do.... and I never wanted to

The forum here has more specific intent, and it’s become clear to me that we aren’t the forum for you.

I do wish you well. But this, for us, is trolling.