"i love you" in the therapy room?

[Deleted member 541]

I understand that you aren’t. I still think it crosses a line.

 

[Deleted member 42665]

Oh i understand. I am never saying it. Its weird and surely would creep him out.

I just know people do. So i was curious on how it went

 

[Emotional girl]

As the only person who has said those 3 words I don't feel like I have over stepped the line at all and my therapist's response was 100 % professional.
If I could turn back time I would do exactly the same thing again and I don't feel ashamed at all.All I know I would have had regrets by not saying anything and I do genuinely mean it.
I guess we all do things in different ways and see things in different ways and it is whatever the individual feels comfortable with.I think it also depends on your therapeutic relationship as I am pretty realistic in that I know nothing will happen between us but at the same time I still have these intense feelings for him.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think all of your posts reflect that you have incredibly unprofessional relationships with your therapists. Every one of them is a defense of your position. But, I ask you, how’s that working for you? It seems not at all. You’ve already been shot down for a post therapy relationship and now you are discussing telling your therapist that you love him———combined with the fact that you won’t ever tell another human being that you love them. It appears to me that you only want to stay in your little bubble and you don’t actually want to get better (from whatever disorder you have as it’s not PTSD). If sites like psych central and their INCREDIBLY fcked up therapy sub-forum are up your alley, then by all means get your support there——but I’m telling you that those people are NOT healthy! (Anyone who wants to argue with me, please go to psych central to see what I’m talking about. It’s a gathering of people who have incredibly messed up relationships with their therapists and the members all back up each other’s bad behavior.)

 

[Deleted member 42665]

I think all of your posts reflect that you have incredibly unprofessional relationships with your...

Uh i already go there. Ruder people here overall.

That being said my initial post was asking just a general question to people about experiences. I even said there i was never saying anything.

Ive made progress in my issues if it's your business. My issues about love and emotions are not your worry. He's well aware and that's all i care about.

Going to therapy my goal wasnt to love anyone lol. Things are fine and i really dont care how you view our relationship. I never asked you

Also i do appreciate the people here who have been supportive and those who actually answered my question. Thanks

 

[999mukl]

Is it love, or is it an obsession?

Do you want to get better? Because it sounds like you, in all your posts, are ruminating over this relationship. How much energy are you spending on it versus working on your other issues in therapy?

If you want to get better, then maybe you need to see a therapist who works explicitly on attachment issues and has very solid boundaries.

 

[Friday]

If you want to get better, then maybe you need to see a therapist who works explicitly on attachment issues and has very solid boundaries.

Very much agreed.

Even what you’re doing here @DogLover33 , posting on a PTSD board, when you don’t have PTSD ... just seems like another echo of what you’ve been doing in therapy; avoiding your own issues, by setting things up to be out of context.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

If you want to get better, then maybe you need to see a therapist who works explicitly on attachment issues and has very solid boundaries.

Agreed 100% SOLID STRICT CLEAR BOUNDRIES!

 

[Justmehere]

That being said my initial post was asking just a general question to people about experiences. I even said there i was never saying anything.

So you are not even considering “I love you” actually happening in the therapy room. But you still want to know what happens when others say it? Why? Plain curiosity about other’s therapists? How does this help you get better?

Positive transference, of which you have in spades, sometimes happens when therapy gives something we have wanted from others. Example: if someone has never been listened to before with unconditional positive regard, and then a paid therapist comes along and provides that... well, yeah, sometimes some people to want to hang on to that so tightly and dive into it deeper and express love to and from the therapist...

But that’s not the purpose of therapy. Positive transference will fuel pathology and keep people miserable if they get stuck trying to grasp on to the therapist that way. You already have experienced this a handful of times.

Positive transference can be a tool for healing when it leads to changes in relationships *outside* of therapy. When those positive feelings drive someone to begin to *try new things* to get closer to others *outside of therapy* that may be able to reciprocate back.

Instead of using therapy to work on relationships outside of therapy, it seems like you are using the theraputic relationship to the the end all, be all. You are escaping from life into therapy instead of using therapy to help you have more of the life you want to live.

You deserve to be in a non-therapy relationship where you hear and say “I love you” often.

Therapy isn’t the place to exchange those affections, but it can help you get there with someone outside of the therapy room.

 

[Deleted member 42665]

So you are not even considering “I love you” actually happening in the therapy room. But you sti...

Pure curiosity. I like reading therapy stories. I didn't realize it would be an issue. People happily replied the other place I asked without getting on my case

I don't want a relationship. That's not why I'm in therapy . That sort of thing with anyone is not what i desire in my life... even if i deserve it.

I don't trust people who say they love me so I surely don't want to hear it from anyone. I don't even want these feelings. I'd forever smush them if I could .

As for t with boundaries. I like what we have thanks . May not work for others but it works for me. Have a nice weekend

 

[Justmehere]

Pure curiosity. I like reading therapy stories. I didn't realize it would be an issue. People happily replied the other place I asked without getting on my case

Therapy is a pretty intimate place. Trauma therapy is a hellishly hard thing to go through. It’s *much* different than therapy for people without PTSD.

It can feel weird when someone wants to find out more about trauma therapy just for pure curiosity sake. To be frank, thinking that the pain from trauma and the hell of trauma therapy itself is like entertainment for someone... kinda weirds me out. Maybe that’s only me and my stuff, but it might be another reason why you got so much pushback.

I don’t think anyone here has gotten on your case, but instead is encouraging you to grow. This is a peer *support* forum - i.e. the goal support towards recovery and health.

I don't want a relationship. That's not why I'm in therapy . That sort of thing with anyone is not what i desire in my life... even if i deserve it.

Respectfully, all your posts actually make it quite clear you do indeed want a relationship. You can try to stuff it and run from it, but it will keep coming out sideways anyhow.

I hope one day you are willing to face it head on. It’s scary, but so worth it. Don’t stuff it. Talk to your therapist about it.

 

[Friday]

People happily replied the other place I asked without getting on my case

People generally assume when you’re posting on a PTSD site that you have PTSD, are in trauma therapy or dealing with the effects of trauma in therapy, and are sharing the same kinds of experience. Like attachment issues stemming from trauma. As opposed to attachment issues stemming a wholly different source, and a completely different paradigm of treatment.

It’s like going to a cancer forum to discuss diet. In the beginning everyone is super helpful discussing your difficulty eating and throwing up. But as it comes out that your difficulties with food aren’t from cancer/chemo/radiation but because you’re pregnant or have an eating disorder? :O_o: Those are different issues. Sure, some people are just going to have a lot of knowledge about nutrition, and others will both have cancer and an eating disorder, and other just wont have read “I’ve never hidden the fact that I don’t have cancer” and keep replying with cancer advice... because foundationally, people are going to expect that if you’re posting on a cancer forum, that your shared issues are going to be cancer related. Hence the push back.