I reached out to a new T today...

[FauxLiz]

I reached out to a new T today. I have been trying really hard since the end of July with a new therapist that my previous T recommended when I moved. I wanted it to work because my previous T really believed that we would work well together but I just can't get comfortable with him. This week my son was home from college and we were out shopping so he accompanied me me to my T's office. As T came out before my appointment he greeted me and my son had a chance to observe him. After the appointment my son asked me if that person was my T and I said yes what did he think. Now I realize that he is only 18 but he is mature beyond his years and his first comment was, he was late, I don't like it when people are late. Funny thing is I hate it when people are late, it is my biggest pet peeve but I have been excusing it because it was something I excused with previous T because of the exceptions that he made for me such as scheduling appts at 7 am when the office didn't open until 8, scheduling Saturday morning appointments when needed either because our second session of the week was cancelled to accommodate one of our schedules or for crisis. And lastly a big exception his personal cell number to call or text. My new T not only makes no exceptions on any level there is no outside session contact other than the clinic crisis line. No voicemail and no email. I struggle with his not funny sense of humor trying to light things up during sessions. I struggle with his extreme bluntness that comes across without any empathy. Anyway the other impression my son had was "he's creepy" which I have thought but again struggled because I worried that I only felt that way as he was not my previous T.

Anyway after all this today I reached out to a potential new therapist. Experienced in trauma, not part of a large behavioral health organization and his practice has after 5 pm hours 4 days a week and Saturdays. He is not any closer distance wise and it may not work out but I think this is a step in the right direction.

 

[LuckiLee]

Well done! :)

 

[MyWillow]

Well done! The thing I’m seeing here is that you made a CHOICE!!! No right or wrong but simply a choice.

 

[grit]

I hope you find a good therapist that you feel safe and secure. All your feelings are valid but be conscious they can also obscure relationships because not all feelings are right.

PS. I think having your son there was a mistake. I think this is a lot of burden on a young adult. A trusted friend could have done the reality checking, if that is what you needed.

 

[FauxLiz]

@grit the only reason he was in the waiting area was because he planned to study while I was in session it was an unusually warm day and he didn’t want to sit in the car. I didn’t introduce him to therapist and as there were other clients including teens so new T did not notice and his presence was never discussed.

 

[Abstract]

Amazing. So glad for you. Maybe you can do one session before deciding and see what happens. If this one isnt right then contunue looking. This is your life and you get to decide and be in the drivers seat. Good to see you around.

 

[FauxLiz]

So after a phone call and several emails back and forth it feels like this one is not going to work out. The first opening he has that fits my work schedule isn't until mid-December and I have a work commitment that night so that doesn't work. But he agreed to place me on his cancellation list and I thanked him for a couple of referrals he gave me and I am going to keep looking.

 

[Abstract]

Keep looking. You will find the right thing.

 

[scout86]

I think you're making a good choice. If this was going to work out, it seems like you'd be more comfortable with him by now.

 

[Joan]

I hope you can find one that works better for you. Kudos for searching!

 

[hithere]

I think it was serendipitous that your son was there to give you an unsolicited observation. It sounds like the validation you needed that your experience isn't just all in your head, etc. Good job on trying to find another T. Research suggests that how well you click with therapist in the first few sessions indicates how successful and helpful the therapy will be. Those who have an "off" start did not have successful therapies.

 

[FauxLiz]

So when it rains it pours. I reached out again yesterday and today and now I have a situation that I am unsure of how to handle. On the one hand one of the potential new T can see me at 1 pm on the same day I have my regularly scheduled appointment. I am not sure what I am going to tell work at this point but I am going to the consult. The second potential T I heard back from also today and he has an evening opening that I can make it too without issue the very next day and I accepted that appointment as well. I know insurance will most likely not pay for both I get that but one of the T suggested I speak to my insurance company to determine if they would pay for my regular session that week as well as an initial consult with a new therapist. I hadn't given any thought to the fact that I know have three appointments scheduled in a 36 hour period. Before the second T returned my call I was planning on paying for the afternoon consult out of pocket and then going to my regular session.

Here is the thing, do attend all three appointments? Do I cancel the afternoon session because I know he won't have the late afternoon/evening availability that I need until after the first of the year (we have already discussed which is why I was on the cancellation list)? Do I cancel with my current T because right now we have regular evening appointments and if I were to decide to work with the new T that does not have availability for evenings until after the first of the year I could not reasonably do regular day appointments with my job and I couldn't go two months without help as they are two of the worst months of the year for me. Advice please.