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I Realize That I

I realize that my healing journey has at last brought me healing and forgiveness for some of my abusers. I realize that I am more compassionate as a result of seeing my abusers as humans with greatly troubled minds. I realize that I am free of all of them and never have to have anything to do with them ever again.

I realize that my journey of healing has taken me so many years and I never have to repeat them.
 
I realize that I'm terrified of the future. I am beginning to plan for a future for the first time in several years, and I'm absolutely terrified.

I realize that this is not a new fear. I'm recognizing it now, but I've had this fear before, and in the past, this fear drove me into compulsively repeating trauma and sabotaging my possible future success.

I realize that I don't believe I deserve a future. I realize doing something different is going to be very hard and I need to ask for help, even when it scares me to ask.
 
I realize how going to therapy and going through so many, many years of hell, I like me as I am for the very first time in my life. I realize that it was a good decision for me to enter therapy and I learned in spite of all of the dreadful mistakes I made. I realize how freeing it is to be able to share on this forum which is very safe for me and I do not have to share with anyone else if I do not want to.
 

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