I Realize That I

[Britt.f7]

I realize I have a hard time allowing myself to feel good without some sort of guilt lingering. I need to get rid of that.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

I realize that I need to at least be willing to let go in terms of my traumas. I realize that I didn't always consciously know that I was holding on. And I realize that if I'm not willing to let go then I'm doing my part in keeping the traumas and the pain close to the surface. And that makes it easier for them to continue to hurt me which makes it easier for me to re experience them. I realize that if I'm even considering this that means that somewhere inside of me I'm considering doing it.

 

[Tinyflame]

Well, bizarre as it is I had a course today where we had to do quizzes, and I ended up represented as a turtle, a bunny, and the characteristics of 'a child of war or displaced child', a separate category. Thank God the last one was only seen by my partner, a guy I just met & he thought it was actually quite cool. OMG. So I realize that I guess maybe these things that seem to make some sense are not as bizarre as I feared. Since otherwise I feel really badly to even juxtapose those realities to my own. Really really weird, anyway, the timing. Well, all of it. It seems like some kind of 'mistake', to me.

And they said living in a foreign country is exhausting because there is so much to learn as regards interpreting info, something we do with ptsd always, I think. So I realize feeling this way is 'normal'. And I realize I don't cut myself that slack. I don't think many of us do.

Despite a horrendous chest infection & feeling fairly mortified at all these thoughts I ended up asked to go watch the hockey game, but I only knew one of the guys & decided against it. I realize that it feels nice to hide this stuff somewhat, or for others not to notice as badly as I fear, & also just be able to say 'no thanks' without worrying about any of it, even if it's partly because of it. I don't have to explain.

 

[Tinyflame]

It must have been very difficult & stressful for my other sister to watch out for me because although she was older than me we were both kids, plus she went through her own stuff.

I realize if I could get rid of this 'stuff' it would feel very good.

 

[Britt.f7]

I realize that I am going to have good and bad days. Maybe all in one. I will just hold on.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I realize that things will either work out or they will not. The realization helps me to accept that it is what it is.

 

[Britt.f7]

I realize that I am going to have to put in very hard work if I want to lose weight. I'm not sure if I am up to it. Truth be told.

 

[Tanishq]

I realize that I can do things without pushing it to make it happen. This took lot of time. Onwards to be gentle on myself.

 

[Tanishq]

I realize I need to be more careful.

 

[ms spock]

I realise that my mindset is slowly changing. I will keep working at it.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I realize that I need to get out of the house and socialize more than I have been.

 

[ms spock]

I realise that I don't know what to do, but I know some ball park ideas about what to do. So I will do those.