I was told that i’m narcissistic because i have ptsd

[joeylittle]

even you and I could have too much self- love at some time in life-butbnot likely to the detriment of others

That’s the point I was making. And detriment of others is somewhat subjective.

I simply think that when the general public conflates having traits with having a disorder, it sets back mental health advocacy overall. It’s an example of a little bit of knowledge going the wrong way. It dilutes the true problem.

I’m not challenging anything you’re saying about your family or your experience. And, it’s very true that NPD often goes undiagnosed because the sufferer is unlikely to seek help.

Still: one can be damaged by, abused by, someone with narcissistic traits. This does not mean that person has NPD.

Nor does it mean one’s suffering is somehow lesser, just because a NPD diagnosis isn’t slapped onto the situation.

There’s just a lot of over-pathologizing of common human dysfunctions. And sometimes, this leaves an individual - whether they’re the one with the problem, or the one being affected by the problem - with the wrong end of the stick as far as treatment and recovery.

The psychiatric community is a long ways away from fully understanding, or agreeing on, the diagnosing of personality disorder. It’s a fairly nuanced process.

I think you and I are in agreement that NPD is a serious and damaging disorder.

That’s why I advocate for more respect when it comes to laypeople applying checklist diagnoses.

Again: none of this is to challenge your specific situation. I’m sorry to read about what you’ve gone through, and really support your efforts to stop your own mirroring of some of the narcissistic traits you were surrounded by.

 

[TruthSeeker]

@EveHarrington I can’t believe you were told you were a narcissist because o...

I shut the people out who crowd my world with drama, think I’m the crazy one- when they display manipulative hurtful behavior to me/ lie and deceive, etc-and cause me enormous stress by placing me on the defensive. Putting ourselves first isn’t mean(cause they all think Im mean cause I’ve changed-and they are no longer my central focus- I am) and because I’ve lived that world- I have to watch how I respond to others- sometimes old survival behaviors sneak in.

@EveHarrington you are absolutely right- it’s okay for us to change the rules to help lead a more stable and healthy life. Totally okay! If that’ means shutting the unhealthy ones out or communicating differently or less, so be it.

 

[TruthSeeker]

That’s the point I was making. And detriment of others is somewhat subjective.

I simply think...

@joeylittle Im really more about behavior than labels- I work daily with emotionally challenged and abused kiddos-they are not their labels-but they get services because of them- they are their behaviors based on their past experienced- all mixed up with a unique personality. This is really my philosophy because it is the behaviors that I work with daily. I hear your message about labels-and you are right.

Those who have been affected by narcissistic people, like myself, who were significant in our growing up and who taught us our maladaptive behavior and in turn we learned survival skills to deal-made us part of their narcissistic cycle and we filled a narcissistic need-and we pass those traits to our children... I have trouble with this-as I laid the foundation to hurt my own daughter unknowingly. This is soooo hard. So hard.

 

[TruthSeeker]

That’s the point I was making. And detriment of others is somewhat subjective.

I simply think...

@joeylittle I thought I had clarified in post 18 and 22 that anyone can have narcissistic traits- I believe narcissism, like all other traits are NOT on a polar black and white ( you got it or you don’t) scale- like that checklist you speak of- you are very right. I see behavioral tendencies and traits on a very big gray scale- from 0 to a very high number. The narcissists I know think in right or wrong- black and white only- their way on a given day is the only right way. I’m a liberal, democrat, crazy person because I don’t see their way- and an outcast really. A checklist doesn’t mean squat-one test or a survey is an indication only- and only on that day- not substantial for a diagnosis of any kind in most cases.

DSM5 is constantly changing and behind the times.
It’s the best diagnostic tool we have for now-and Interpreters don’t always read it as it was meant or are too black and white with its interpretation. I myself don’t like labels- my family so far thinks they all together have a BS in lay psychiatry - they have BS but no education to support their label choices. They put a Label on anyone who doesn’t conform-I have several personality and mood labels-because PTSD is unacceptable to them. Not a shrink among them! Good points you make about caution with labels.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Actually - i was married to a TRUE Cluster B bonafide Narcissist (covert type) and it was uet ankther abusive relat...

My x husband was abused in childhood. His coping mechanism was to have total control and never b vulnerable again. He’s extremely narcissistic and can’t empathize at all, and he’s a master manipulator- followed all the textbook narcissistic phases. Phase 1- awesome courtship- and downright abusive after saying I Do! Abuse of many shapes followed for 25 years.....never too late to change. Good luck on your journey.

 

[jade53]

Can I just say that I completely understand the reason some of us, (me anyway), might come across like one. It's hard not to after so many alleged professionals condemn in reports that one needs a medical dictionary to comprehend that in fancy words they've said they didn't believe a word you said, because your current situation was more of a cognitive dissonance for them than it was to you.

That isn't meant to paint all with the same brush now since my experience with 4 out of 4 was many years ago, but if I haven't now I won't likely forget how their authority and mannerism terrified me more than I already was when I had no confidence.

 

[TruthSeeker]

So yeah....

I recently opened up to someone new about my PTSD. He responded that the disorder e...

We’ve bumped heads here. Our stories are similar- Taking a risk.....I was raised by narcissists, lived with them, learned their ways, abused in later life by them, and I can be like that if I choose. I don’t- and neither do you according to your post.

We may have narcissistic tendencies or traits but aren’t extreme. Not like NPD. but I can feel others hurt, pain, and step into their shoes and empathize. I can also manipulate and lie because I learned those behaviors as I evolved in my dysfunctional homes.

I don’t have to be better, be the best, or to be right and this way of coping with life is layered with more happiness. . I can let someone else carry that torch. There will always be those individuals who seek attention and grandeur at the emotional expense of other vulnerable people. Those people hurt inside- we know that deep hurt- we don’t want to hurt others.

We can choose to curb the narcissistic traits that are our natural survival skills- and we can learn a better way. If this doesn’t apply to you- please ignore.

 

[EveHarrington]

We’ve bumped heads here. Our stories are similar- Taking a risk.....I was raised by narcissists, live...

Please go start your own thread about narcissism.

This is a thread I have started regarding my struggles with narcissism and now it’s all about you.

 

[jade53]

@Bkinder
Ouch. That hurt me too :(;)

 

[Ronin]

@EveHarrington, Bkinder was relating to you and trying to be assistive, from the point of similarity.

Perhaps you would get less accusations if you did not berate others for trying to help.
Or if you cared for people being apologetic to you where they have done nothing wrong (with the request to be ignored if not applicable.)

It looks like an extremely selfish behavior, regardless of how that is labeled, from things you ARE doing so you are not helping your cause.

 

[EveHarrington]

@EveHarrington, Bkinder was relating to you and trying to be assistive, from the point...

There is history where we have both been instructed to not engage one another. I respectfully ask that this sub-topic be dropped as nobody knows the situation. This is all I am going to say on the matter.

 

[grit]

Someone who does not know me at all tries to diagnose me, I would just close the door. Good riddance!
I learned long time ago that let us say you were offended and allowed him to stay in your life, he would have felt ooh I guess I can say whatever and she would let me. Ant these kind of people, I find just keep esclating until they want to run your head at the end.

Even if he felt that is what you are like, it was not his job to say so. Where he thought you were narcissist, he showed he had no filter in his brain.