I'm Feeling A Great Deal of Hope! Why?

[goingonhope]

Veiled, How the heck are you? :kiss: ...You made me feel like a million bucks, I hope you know that. Really.

I find your response, Deeply Encouraging. And veiled, I can't thank you enough.

Only problem veiled is...........I can't give you any good reputation, because what if you end up with more good reputation than Anthony? :rofl:...:rofl:... ! (LOL) veiled, Have you ever thought of that happening? (LOL)


(My newest dilemma: To give veiled some good reputation for her great support and deep encouragement and run the risk of her exceeding Anthony's rep. Or, not to and remove myself from my integrity).......
.......really, just kiddin' and do hope you can appreciate my humor tonight. And, if not, a least forgive it and me.


Hope

THX veiled.

 

[Deleted member 93]

Just know that for me personally your post so eloquently puts how I have been feeling, steps I have made I see you word so well. And it is downright awesome seeing someone else go through the same thing. To see another make such great turns. You have worked so hard and put so much of yourself out. Most of the time you cannot comment as you put it all out already so nothing to add. But right now, you are making a major turn I think. Please keep being an inspiration to us all.

As far as getting too many reps, I doubt I will pass up Anthony! If I ever did I think he would be tickled as I would not have ever been able to even think out of myself and my pain for 5 minutes without him. With him guiding me I have learned how to not be a doormat, it is OK to have my own feelings, and to take time out for others. All in all to learn how to take care of me and use what I have left to help. I think you are there too. Again you are an inspiration.

 

[goingonhope]

To see another make such great turns. You have worked so hard and put so much of yourself out.

I'm glad you've noticed this too veiled. I've been noticing great improvements within me too, if it's o.k. to humbly say. The hard work and exposure, is worth it all to me and consistent with my values.

Thinking right now of the principle and suggestion: "To Thine Own Self Be True."

Thank you much veiled for seeing my hard efforts for what they are. Right now, words cannot express how much I appreciate reading and hearing this tonight. Perfect support.......and perfect timing.

...right now, you are making a major turn I think.

Now that you say this, I think so too velied.

With him guiding me I have learned how to not be a doormat,

:thumbs-upNow this is AWESOME ! ! !

I'm in this very process now. The process of perservering no matter what, and no matter what the resistances and obstacles which lay ahead for me.

I am not a doormat, nor do I desire my kids to be. I am growing stronger through the enorm. pains of delving deep inside me and being willing to self examine what I find, and though sometimes it's slowly, I'm continuing with persistence, will, determination and the hoped for yet unexpected and unpredictable blessings of grace.

.............and all despite what the next obstacle or need for responsible action, is and may become.

Hope

 

[goingonhope]

I think I'm entitled to feel hurt, frustrated, and still angry after today's unneccessary hurt...

...and once again, and now that today has passed, Hopeful and all at the same time.

Except my hope doesn't have to include EVERYTHING, that perhaps it once did.

First and foremost my hope includes healing from my traumas, continually learning, applying coping skills and managing my PTSD and one day being of service to others.

And, let me not exclude, that my hope is about not given up on my children and no matter what, sharing good values through my example, and assuring them that through whatever crap life can sometimes throw, that I love ******* & ******, and deeply.

Hope

 

[goingonhope]

"In every Adversity, Is a Seed to a Bigger and Better Good."

-Anonymous

**

Always, Our Pers. Choose:

We can find this seed, plant it in good soil, feed & water it, give it sunshine and/or shade, watch it grow beautifully and prune it when needed. ~Hope

 

[goingonhope]

Most recently my family has had one hell'a'va painful day, and I just know that there has got to be...seeds..., to a bigger and better good. I don't want to overlook them and miss out on great opportunity for change(s) and growth.

So here goes my first attempt to uncover just where and what these seeds are, and all inspired from the disorder of that most painful family experience:

• I must now trust my instinct and experience and seek counseling for my son and daughter, and depite my husb.'s prior denial, discouragement and his statement of: NO. Our children don't need counseling and that they're perfectly well.

[If this must come to an ultimatum, then so be it, they're my children as well and I can now trust myself and my insights and seek to provide counseling support for our children. -And, all without feeling pressured not to, intimidated or afraid.]

• I needn't no longer exist in any degree of denial, dishonesty (through omission) or fantasy in relationship and marriage with my husb. I can address, face and deal with facts and no longer accept his games in communications between us.

• I will not accept what I consider abusive as acceptable, bc I am told it is, and then left with the belief that I have no choose but to accept it, or else welcome more trouble and strife. (Whatever the sort, excuses made, or rationalizations for it, I will object, if or when ever the need arises).

[And My ultimatums will be given (adults & children alike), and something done about it to prevent and/or stop any form of abuse.]

• Simply bc my husb.'s outlooks, attitudes, behaviors and values have shifted over time, and I have felt pressured to conform. I can now, and I am reclaiming myself, my values and my convictions. I too will maintain my hope.

• There is avenues of help available to me as a PTSD sufferer, and I will continue to seek out and accept, as many constructive means of help as is available to my family and I.

• As long as I can, I will do every ounce of work necessary to arrest the progression of my PTSD and continue to learn of and apply both management and coping tools to my PTSD and life's condition.

..........and, I think I'll continue this later. It's as if this post, and those 'seeds' has evolved into a bit of a pers. mission statement for me tonight.

Heading now for some :sleeping: !

Hope

 

[goingonhope]

I'm feeling really hopeful again and despite anything or everything, bc I am taking right actions immediately following a bout of, or fall into enorm. PTSD stress, and despite how I feel;

My Action and/or Risks always pays off one way or the other, and if only in accepting No as an answer, or coming to consider and regard another's point of view.

In the last two days, I've taken numerous risks. I mean real, scary risks, and I've grown and/or survived every one of them.

Sometimes, when and if I remember, or am helped to remember, I can consider almost everyone of my fears as nothing more than the boogey-man. You know the creature or monster, that was suppose to exist under our bed, or in our closets, but that was absolutely NEVER...EVER there. That guy. He's nothing more than a figment of my overactive imagination now and resulting from past traumas.

The key for me to always remember, is that my trauma is in my past, and Not in my present. And, though, with too great of triggers or stress, I can always still suffer flashbacks, experiences of reliving traumatic events and intense negativity, if I can and do take some right actions ASAP, and minimize the stress enough to see clearly once again, I again quickly recover to a place where I can acknowledge. 'Oh yeah' it's only the boogeyman,' and not a real threat, nor going to unfold in the present as it always did in my past.

My life has changed. My world is different and though I believe I must still get it all out': my once disowned and suppressed past, as well as, any great difficulties of my present, none of this still changes anything.

And, the truth is my life is good, and I am far much better off now mental health wise, than I was nearly a yr. ago. Though it's not what I had once dreamnt of (and that being perfect and living a life of perfection). My life is truly darn' good, and when problems or conflicts arise, I'll be there and willing and able to do my part to help resolve them.

Very much Hopeful and recently have learned a great deal. Though I can't ever put all my new lessons for life and paradigm shifts into text, nor need to, I will be forever grateful for Anthony, and all of you who support this forum through helping yourselves, supporting/helping each other and putting your healing all into Action, in your families, your work and in your lives. And, yes there is pain and error and more pain and error ahead for all of us, and our families; This is life, but the rewards of this kind of pain, sweat and hardwork is Life for us PTSD sufferers, and with it comes many surprises and joys.

And, far, far, far more sweeter then resigning ourselves to complete unlifting despair.

Hope

 

[becvan]

And, yes there is pain and error and more pain and error ahead for all of us, and our families; This is life, but the rewards of this kind of pain, sweat and hardwork is Life for us PTSD sufferers, and with it comes many surprises and joys.

And, far, far, far more sweeter then resigning ourselves to complete unlifting despair.

Hope

I really have no words for this Hope. It's just beautiful in a way that makes the world stop for a moment. I think the greatest gift you have is your words. They are ever inspiring and give me hope when I feel my hope is lost.

Your doing so wonderful. I love reading as you take your power back and bloom!

bec

 

[goingonhope]

Thank you, bec ! ......:smile:......

Hope

 

[goingonhope]

Feeling hopeful today about my healing process, and proud of my efforts, yet still I'm looking forward to finding rest and sleep at the end of this very long day, .........already a long day ! ........with the rest of today yet to arrive.

Son tests for brown belt in Karate today. I'm Really hoping he does well !

Hope

 

[goingonhope]

This day has just been the balls. :biggrin: I mean really something great. I didn't even do anything special. Mostly just did what I usually choose and/or must do. :wink: But, there was what felt like an exaggerated difference in the degrees of happiness and hope I felt today and from so many other days.

I felt like I'd just found my way out of some deep, dark, painfully lonely woods, and was now delighted with this and with myself. I even thought, Wow, is this how other people without PTSD feel. I mean I was full of happiness, hope and joys, and in just in being me and in relationship to others. Wow!, was I ever able to get outside of myself today, in such a way that makes every last bit of this exhausting work worthwhile.

I was singing aloud to songs. I was laughing with my husb. and able to listen to him speak to me and in his way, and without feeling threatened. I didn't feel threatened, bc I now feel like I'm feeding, nurturing and pulling upon my spirituality that had just been so very lost to me and in my relationships and since the last time I proactively treated my progressively untreated PTSD. -(and was able and supported in doing so).

Again I just feel and deeply appreciate the self-esteem, internal strength & positive dialogue, and real feelings of happiness that I felt all throughout this day. Well perhaps only 96% of this day. :wink:

Something funny...............At least I think so, though I must admit when it was occurring, I did start to feel somewhat frustrated and a bit angry, but yet I did too completely understand. What it was is this: I had a therapy appt. early evening today and my therapist fought and struggled with herself to keep her eyes open. She was getting all foggy eyed, (LOL) and her eyes were just shutting on her beyond all her efforts.

OMG, I am cracking myself up now remembering this from earlier. I understood and just had to cut her slack and have compassion for her.

OMG,...............it was funny !

Hope

ps. I guess many of the smily emoticons are temp. disabled

Take Care,

 

[goingonhope]

:smile:By George, I think I have it too, and it being, just what this process takes ! :smile:

......just thinking and feeling optimistic, never said I wasn't in emot. pain and/or that I don't know the meaning of suffering trauma.

I know we all know, ...........and all to well the meaning of deep despair and continuing suffering from our trauma(s). So when I find natural relief and/or some release from it, I'm going to acknowledge it, feel good and take it from there.................

Hope