Is Anyone Out There An "empath"?

[Hope4Now]

@xena21 I think one of our challenges as people suffering from childhood trauma is to figure out how to be compassionate with ourselves. I hope you can find ways to bring some of what you feel for others to yourself.

 

[xena21]

I hope you can find ways to bring some of what you feel for others to yourself.

Thanks. I know thats a problem of mine, and thats something my therapist really wants me to focus on, but its so foreign to me that I don't understand even the concepts of it right now. I wish I could relate in that respect. I don't know why the hatred for myself is so deep, but when people say words like self care, and forgiveness, or anything related to that the wall goes up around me like a 20 foot granite inpenitrable fortress. It's automatic.

Love for myself is disgusting in my mind. What is that about? Wow how is that even a thought? Forgiveness or self sympathy or caring is just beyond my belief system. Its disgusting to me. It makes me actually laugh out loud. I am like the dirt on your shoes. I deserve nothing in this world. That's what makes therapy almost impossible.

 

[Recovery4Me]

((Hope4Now))

I have little control over whatever "power" this is I have,

I hear you. One of the things that can not be defined in the "crazy making behavior box" (or something that does not make any therapist squint)) lol ...is a form of learning the art of disconnect (translates badly in english). It may be a bad word around these here parts but it has value. "Shielding" or "Centering" I think is the pop phrase in various other countries.

So consider practicing a shielding of types for yourself. If you are a active type, you zone into your body and stop all outside noise and inner chatter. After connecting to your Higher Power of choice...you list gratitude and breath into each one afterwards or during... until your breathing becomes longer and lighter. Move slowly in a manner that releases your energy that you are familiar with (some rituals uses the 4 corners of the wind dance, some use martial art stretches, some move in a body stretch dance if that is all that they know- as a life song to your centering.

If you are not active, pick your favorite position (such as lotus) and do the same with chakra movement images. (works the same). Some of my elders used sage, some used circle fires -it is easy to adapt. The crux is to give thanks and let go of the racing of thoughts, and disconnect "other" influence/feelings for intervals until you know your own energy signature and body. Practice makes perfect, as it is not easy to find one's center and it changes in time with your acquirement of mindsets. Much as a new born colt wobbling on it's legs for the first time.

Once you know how to do this...you can build learning to let one sensation/feeling in at a time (receiving) and discover the world in that manner. Sight. If it gets too much, pick better grounds to practice but you have learned to shield and that offers a form of balance.

Hope this helps. Peace and light...(hugs)

 

[seedling]

@Hope4Now, there are several things that I can remember to do for myself now when I feel my stress level start to go up around other people (mostly at work when problems arise). I also like all the other responses to your questions.

When I'm sitting at my desk at work I imagine taking my hands and putting my palms flat outward and making a circle around me in front and to the sides to cut me off from whatever is happening beyond. I sort of "turn my ears off" and try to let what other people are saying flow around me. Then I concentrate on my own work. This helps me not absorb and feel responsible for other problems that are being worked on at the time.

I find it helpful to ground myself by putting my feet flat on the floor and feeling my connectedness to the ground beneath me. This has taken practice, I can't always "feel" it. Then I breathe to the diaphragm and pull my awareness down low in my body. Then I have to remember to breathe out! I find I tighten my lips shut and get tense that way.
If I can get my breathing going in and out again I can not get so caught up in what is happening around me.

One other thing I have started doing is telling myself things like "this isn't my problem" when others around me get emotional about something. I remind myself that they are capable of solving their problems in their own special way, that I can be supportive if I want but I don't need to "fix it" for them. I can observe without taking it on. This isn't easy but I remember now to tell myself things like that when I'm aware of the situation.
Afterwards I try to pay attention to how things worked out for them, notice how they solved it. Then I can remind myself of that next time - say to myself "they worked it out just right last time," they'll be able to do it again.

All that said, I feel like I am only dimly aware sometimes of what are my feelings and what I'm picking up from others. I think part of my PTSD is from being this way. I shut off this part of myself to cope and now I'm not sure what my perspective on it "should" be.

 

[Hope4Now]

@Recovery4Me, thank you. I guess perhaps I just need more of a practice and more patience.

a life song to your centering

I will always remember this line. Thank you. I need to find this for myself. Participated in a drumming circle yesterday that was very healing to me...made me very conscious of how easily I take on others' rhythms and how I need to work on finding my own that can work in synchronicity with my core self and with those around me.

until you know your own energy signature and body.

This too is very helpful. I think my system is in such chaos that my energy is constantly shifting, but perhaps I can start with my body.

@seedling, thank you for responding too. I like the idea of imagining a circle around me. I'll try that. It was also a suggestion in the excerpt from Maclure that @Valentino shared...imagining oneself in a bubble. That is quite appealing to me.

Afterwards I try to pay attention to how things worked out for them, notice how they solved it. Then I can remind myself of that next time - say to myself "they worked it out just right last time," they'll be able to do it again.
All that said, I feel like I am only dimly aware sometimes of what are my feelings and what I'm picking up from others. I think part of my PTSD is from being this way. I shut off this part of myself to cope and now I'm not sure what my perspective on it "should" be.

It is a great idea to focus on how people worked things out so you can remember that they must deal with their own lives. I am usually so busy feeling disappointed in myself that I can't help people the way I would like to, that I forget to see what they can do for themselves. I also think the severity of my PTSD may be from being this way.

 

[Hope4Now]

when people say words like self care, and forgiveness, or anything related to that the wall goes up around me like a 20 foot granite inpenitrable fortress. It's automatic.

I am working on this issue too. I had a mini breakthrough of a strategy recently. It is sort of a voluntary depersonalization strategy. I imagined seeing myself as if I were seeing someone else suffering in the same ways. I realized how gently and kindly I would respond to them. Suddenly, just a bit of compassion seeped in...enough to open the door. I have been practicing this regularly and the self-hating part has calmed down some. The trick is shifting it away from the self-projection and into the actual self!

The self-hater parts of us are so powerful and feel so toxic, but they're really just working very hard to protect us from feeling the profound pain of our wounded child selves.

Safe and gentle hugs to you if you would be open to receiving them. If not, that's okay...sending you gentle and compassionate energy.

 

[Recovery4Me]

((Hope4Now))

I think my system is in such chaos that my energy is constantly shifting, but perhaps I can start with my body

Ok, my response might sound drippy:rolleyes: but our Cosmos IS energy chaotic...:joyful: , so be gentle on yourself. Let me know how your body (or gateway centering) work fairs for you.

Drum beats in a circle:D...good medicine.:hug:

 

[seedling]

but they're really just working very hard to protect us from feeling the profound pain of our wounded child selves.

I'll try to remember this the next time it comes: it was a coping strategy.

I had ample opportunity to put my exercises into practice at work today :inpain:. I did get the glimpse of ME after it all calmed down. Getting some new unknown feelings and awarenesses breaking through the anxiety and defeat that usually reigns.

 

[shimmerz]

There's many different strategies for a potential Empath or HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) to deal with the dangers of taking on other's emotions.

A link re HSP that I find valuable. It speaks about energy etc. I know most of my life I have been stupidly sensitive. A large part of my healing has been about toning it down. Hope this helps.

http://thehappysensitive.com/being-empathic-versus-being-empath-crucial-differences/

 

[Hope4Now]

@shimmerz, thanks for sharing that link. It is very helpful!

 

[MomOfTwo]

I just learned a new word to describe a type of person. Empath. I think I have discovered one of my big problems. I've joked for years that I suffer from pathological hyper-empathy..

Does this resonate for anyone? Anyone have any ideas/resources for coping with it?

This resonates with me completely. As a matter of fact I told my therapist I thought I was an Empath over a year ago. Some people if I am around them I just feel ill. I feel sometimes I have to be in a certain mind-space to even be around people. I was always looking after my mom's needs or my younger siblings needs before my own. Looking after someone else was just expected of me and I was good at it from a young age.

My therapist told me to imagine a protective sphere around me and to choose a color which I felt could represent it. I chose pink. I try to imagine a pink sphere around me. I have not put it into practice that much lately because social situations have been few and far between in the last several years.

 

[shimmerz]

until you know your own energy signature and body

This is a struggle for me and a large barrier i believe to my being able to put proper boundaries into place. My lack of body awareness affects the bubble technique and my tuning into my own body awareness in a profound way. For all the times I was told to 'ground out through my feet' and just couldn't! During a particularly trying few days about a year ago,

I realized that although I had no real connection to my body I did feel my heart so I used my heart to ground using the vision of light emanating from it instead of my body. I extended the circle of light to envelope my body as described above. I still picture it to as I still cannot incorporate my body to this day. It works though. I wonder if other's whose body became someone else's struggle with boundaries for this reason as well. Just a thought.

I do believe that boundaries come first and that empathy needs to be directed appropriately to ourselves properly first before we can responsibly share our empathy with others.