Is Thankfulness Healthy? (concerning Our Trauma)

[Changing4Best]

It occurred to me today that I should be thankful for what my abuser/ molester did to me. Not in and of itself, of course, but that I should be thankful to God for all of it. I would not, I think, be the person I am today, were it not for the trauma I received at the hands of my grandfather. I'd not be as strong a person, nor as faithful a person, I think. Then I kind of thought this idea was crazy, but I was not sure.

What do you think? Is that a crazy idea or does it hold some kind of merit?

 

[Stickler]

Does it make your life better? Does it make you feel better?

It doesn't work for me. If it works for you, go with it. We all need a different mix of things to do well, and doing well's the name of the game.

 

[Teasel]

I agree, if it works for you then that's how you feel and that's fine. I'm guessing also that even if you do feel this way, there could be times or moments when you felt otherwise, that would be fine too.

 

[scout86]

I would not, I think, be the person I am today, were it not for the trauma I received

That's probably true, but it's nearly impossible to know what kind of person you'd have been without the trauma. Personally, I don't think the things that happen to us make us who we are, I think what we DO with the things that happen to us make us who we are. I think you'd have been a strong and faithful person no matter what and that those traits helped you deal with things. As far as thanking God goes, I don't believe God wants bad stuff to happen to people or approves of it, but I do think God has the ability to take great evil and twist to to work for good, when people give him the chance. I think I'd sooner thank God for the ability to survive and move on, and deal with what needs dealing with, rather than for the events themselves. Like everyone else said, "What ever works" though.

 

[illusionist]

It works for me often.....goes with my general thinking of pulling a positive out of a negative.

 

[Klo]

I think you should be giving yourself the credit. All sorts of different types of bad things happen to all sorts of people. You made the choice to take your bad experiences in life and try to turn them into wisdom and strength. Some people just become the evil that hurt them, happens a lot, actually. I don't think your way of looking at things is "crazy" or anything. But I also know for a fact that being abused doesn't make anyone stronger. What you choose to do with your bad experiences in life determines that.

 

[Neverthesame]

If you can find a flower in this mountain of manure that is PTSD. Good on you.

What you described doesn't sound crazy to me. So, either your talking sense, or we're both crazy as the birds. :wacky:

 

[Sideways]

I like what you're saying and would do a big cut & paste of all the comments above - if it helps, if it makes some sunshine in the gloom, that's awesome...But I will take a moment to fly the flag for those who are in the other camp.

When I was little, my strong-will was bulletproof. If dad's giving me the "Say 'thank you', Ragdoll", I'd purse my lips together and give him the "try and make me" glare. If mum's telling me to eat my porridge or go without brekky, no problemo, I'll hang out till lunch & let her deal with the guilt of having a hungry child in the house. My strong will was already on steroids:sneaky:

As for gratitude, there's a lot of emotions my T wants me to take on board (anger, grief, etc), but for me we're actually trying to dump the gratitude because I've already got that in spades: grateful I was abused, and reeeally grateful to my 'abuser', who I see as a kind and generous man who went to great lengths to help me understand the kind of toxic person I am, and how to survive the life that I was due for. Gratitude's not always all it's cracked up to be.

Like I said, different strokes for different folks. But I wanted to add that in case anyone else was reading that OP like me - my trauma-brain could've happily turned that message into "See? You're supposed to be grateful, your T doesn't know what he's on about".

Awesome how we can take something as simple as gratitude and make it really complicated & individual!

 

[Changing4Best]

Thanks for all the replies, folks, I am pondering all the things you all have said and I think everyone who replied has had a valid point or two. My mind is lighter and my heart happier that all of you have given me these replies. I don't see this as a crazy idea now, but rather an idea about my stronger than the trauma make-up. That is the most important part, I think.

 

[EveHarrington]

If it comes from rational thought and it helps you, I see no problems with it!

I think we all find our own ways to make heads or tails of what we've been through.

 

[RussH]

It occurred to me today that I should be thankful for what my abuser/ molester did to me

The Bible tells us we should be thankful in all things; not for all things.
I don't think you should be thankful for what they did, but you can be thankful for some of the results, like being more empathic.

 

[Changing4Best]

@RussH You know, one little word like that can make a HUGE difference in the meaning of something. I had not interpreted that verse correctly, thanks for correcting me. I will be thankful in my strengths and the good things in my life from now on, which I am. I am so grateful for all the blessings in my life. And the ways in which I have recovered are huge. I have been in treatment since 2002 or so, so a lot of healing has taken place since the start of my therapy and meds. I have gone through so much since 2002! And there have been ups and downs of course, but mostly it has all been good. Anything that was a downer has made me stronger and brighter in the long run anyway. Thanks again!