Is There A Difference Between A Thought Of Suisidal And Thoughts Of Dying

[Esterio]

I don't ever remember having any thoughts of taking my own life. But I have died many time over in my thoughts in many different ways ie: Motor vehicle accidents, falling from great heights, in fights, from illness and lots of other ways. It has seem like I have had these thoughts for decades now.

 

[user27357]

for me that's like I am preparing for the possibly deadly situation by thinking about it ahead of time because I KNOW it is coming. That's different than suicidal ideation, that happens because I am just sick and tired of waiting for the inevitable. I think about that too, but in a hopefully helpful way- I think about what happens after, to my family, my house, my pets, the poor SOB that has to lift my body into a truck and haul me away, everything. Not just how to do it or why to do it, but the whole mess. Kind of like thinking about dying in a car accident makes me a super vigilant driver or dreaming about a boating accident makes me wear a life jacket, I am aware of the thoughts, I know why I have them, and I know when they are getting me down and headed for an episode. Still get myself into some real bad times by worrying and thinking about what MIGHT happen.

Welcome to the forum

 

[Esterio]

for me that's like I am preparing for the possibly deadly situation by thinking about it ahead of time b...

I think the dying in a motor vehicle has made me scared to drive and I used to love to drive. On a boat makes me scare to go out on the boat and I worked on the water most of my working life. Falling from heights I don't go near the edge or I suffer vertigo and I used to hunt mountain goats I have run across shear face walls with 2000 ft. drop with no ropes. Now I can,t go near the edge. So I guess it more scares me that it is going to happen.

 

[Fadeaway]

Yes, they are completely different. Preoccupation with how one might die is common with PTSD but has noting to do with suicide. SI is thinking about how you would intentional take your own life. Preoccupation with death is thinking about, fearing or even believing how it might happen outside of your control.

 

[Esterio]

Yes, they are completely different. Preoccupation with how one might die is common with PTSD but has n...

Thanks that is the way I have been thinking. that one is about fear and the other is about the process

 

[user27357]

the horrible reality of unstoppable hypervigilance is enough to make anyone have thoughts of suicide in search of relief, but just like hypervigilance is an effort to keep bad things from happening, I make my ideation be complete, start to finish, aftermath, effects on others, everything, and then my refusal to do anything like suicide becomes part of the hypervigilance. I have learned the habit of being vigilant about the danger of just thinking about the escape, does that make more sense?