Let's Talk About Sex

[Deleted member 34424]

I'm not in a relationship and haven't been (but i've dated many times) since 2011 and that's because i'm healing and I'm realistic: no guy wants to work with me and my very deep and embedded trauma from childhood molestation. Guys my age just want sex and I'm just not interested in that (nor could I even do it). So, even though masturbation can be difficult at times, I masturbate and orgasm. That's good enough for me right now, even though the cute fairytale would be nice, just not gonna happen.

 

[LanaD]

I had a lot to deal with before the sexual assault, and came to realize a lot of the time I looked for affection through sex - obviously, that didn't work out, but somehow I managed to get on with my life. I'm in my 30's and I am "in heat" a lot of the time but having a hard time with relationships makes things quite complicated.

Now, post-assault I'm fumbling. The sexual urges are still there but my mind is all over the place sometimes. I started therapy for the pre-assault stuff and it's working to a point, but to try to normalize things (according to my social worker) I had a fling that ended in a lot of tears and inability to get out of bed (for me of course). After a second guy simply disappeared on me I'm left wishing I didn't want sex at all or a relationship for that matter. There's no shortage of men wanting sex with me and I'm working hard to get rid of that feeling of worthlessness. Right now I feel lower than a prostitute - I've nothing against prostitutes, btw.

 

[LanaD]

Abuse screws with sex. Understatement alert:p

I'm currently trying to practice celibacy (my ag...

Oh, how DO you do it? I wish I could do that. My urges drive me crazy, to the point that they make me cry.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

cheated out of experiencing life in the way that I could have enjoyed.

I think that describes it perfectly for me. Abuse ruined everything.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

I've been thinking and I have so many things to work on. Sex, with a partner is just too entwined with so much negative baggage. I have no healthy thinking when it comes to sex. It makes me a bit sad because I know if I was able to enjoy it under the influence of pot, I probably could without. If not for the past teaching and deep seated beliefs of control and betrayal. Not only were these beliefs planted young but steadily reinforced throughout my life.
The fragile hold I now have in my life is too precious. It still awes me going into a store and seeing something I want, I realize there is no one else's opinion to consider but my own. Not about food, clothes, decorating the apartment. All the choices are mine. It is more empowering to decide myself I really don't need something then to be told so. For some reason, enjoyable or no, sex ruins relationships for me. Well, the reason is easy enough. Accepting the things we can not change. In all honesty I prefer accepting I could live a healthier emotional life if I kept sex out of it.

 

[mp2277]

I am pretty much a sex addict. Gay BTW, don't think that really matters but thought I'd mention it. I have spent most of my adult life in 2 relationships, with a woman for 21 years, 3 kids, go figure, no with a man for 10 years. That being said, most of my sex life has been with anonymous or random male partners. Difference being anonymous is what it is and by random I mean 100% sex and no intimacy at all. Maybe a beer of buzz now and then but not much further. Sex life with my first wife, female, was horrible as you might guess, with my current partner, male, was very good for the first few years then I started craving the random anonymity like a drug. I was "molested" at age 5 or 6 or 7 not sure which by a high school boy but I don't really say I was molested because I was a willing participant. My Trauma stems from much earlier and from my mother, evil incarnate. Sex to me is acceptance and self worth, if only for a few moments. The the dopamine rush wears off and I'm on the prowl again. New to the forum so I am not sure how the gay thing plays here, please no judgement or jesus, :)

 

[UnKnown-Self]

No judgments or Jesus from me.

I do wonder if you are aware risky behaviors and sometimes sex addiction is a symptom of and unhealthy coping skills of those who have PTSD. Please take precautions and be safe.

 

[mp2277]

No judgments or Jesus from me.

I do wonder if you are aware risky behaviors and sometimes...

Oh, painfully aware. Sex is my drug of choice, not ready to deal with that... besides there is never a hangover, lol

 

[UnKnown-Self]

@mp2277

Be safe there are worse things then hangovers :hug:

 

[mp2277]

I agree. I guess talking to me about that right now is like cautioning a heroine addict about dirty needles though. Sad and unfortunate as it is my self worth, sense of belonging, acceptance and self esteem is tied to sex right now. Not sure if or how that is possible :( This is a major reason for my current funk right now. I am trying to work through it though. :)