Marriage Falling Apart Due To Severe Ptsd

[Deleted member 1860]

Ok, well, my ex read the PTSD relationship book and it helped him to understand. He asked for something to read that would help him, and I gave him a copy. I even went through and highlighted things that really applied to me, and then told him which sections to skip over, as not all of it applied to me. I think in the entire book I only had two issues with what was said.....one was an example of a spouse who cheated, and it wasn't worded very well, as in it didn't say "PTSD doesn't make you cheat" so in that regard I felt like it would give an unknowing supporter the impression that they should accept a sufferer who cheats on them. The other issue was that benzos were advised against because of possible addiction issues, and to be honest, I have a benzo Rx that is quite helpful for me when most other medications simply do not work or make me worse. But, otherwise, I thought it was a good read. I think only two small issues is pretty good considering there are so many other books out there that have a heck of a lot more inaccuracies or not-quite-truths in them.

It really did help my ex to understand. Then again, I had a supportive person to begin with, not someone who told me to get over it.

 

[anthony]

My advice to anyone giving this to their spouse, is to not highlight anything specific to yourself, not tell them to skip anything, and instead for them to ask questions. There are tidbits in all chapters that apply to other factors outside of any given primary subject.

 

[bell]

Just a thought, I know you think that your husband may just read one thing, but... if he does read that one thing, he might be motivated to read more. Therefore, I'd keep a folder on your laptop or bookmarked list that is called something like "PTSD Resources," then you will have something to reference (forums, articles, book listings, etc.) when you are not doing well and he will have something to browse through and read at his leisure.

Of course, this plans works best if you are sharing technology, because his curiosity may get the best of him. I know for me, the hardest struggle has been for people to understand. For the longest time, my parents just didn't understand me and all these negative feelings churned about for years and I thought they hated me and vice versa, when instead, there was a whole lot of love there, but we just didn't understand each other.

And when you don't understand someone every look, work, moment is scrutinized and seen as negative because we think it is negative, when in reality, the other person is trying their best to love you but doesn't have the necessary knowledge/tools. And then resentment grows when it should have never grown in the first place.

 

[anthony]

I would send him here... so he can talk with other spouses directly and get a real perspective, maybe helping him put any bias aside and opening up to the reality of how he can help you get past your symptoms, instead of provoking them.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Well to each their own. It was pointless for him to read the parts on getting me into treatment!

 

[Blue Survivor]

@jphillips90 I just started reading 'PTSD: What To Do About It When You Don't Know What To Do About It' by Erin Harrington. I tried posting a link for amazon but apparently that is not allowed.

It is interesting because the author (a sufferer of PTSD) actually had childhood trauma involving the paranormal - she lived in a haunted house! When I am done reading it, hopefully my SO will read it too. He likes paranormal movies so hopefully it will speak to him (because like you - I can't get him to understand me or support me to save my life sometimes).

Good luck!

 

[jphillips90]

@Blue Survivor ahh that sounds so cool (not to be insensitive) I could never read it because I happen to be wigged out by Casper let alone a haunted house lol my husband though loves that sort of stuff! Please let me know what you think of the book when your done!

 

[Deseri]

I think everyone is ignoring the fact that you have a very abusive husband. He is beating you up with your past and his insensitivity. He is beating you up with his ignorance. Get help and get away from him. He is too ignorant to ever understand you. You are wasting your time trying to educated the decidedly ignorant. Get away, get a divorce, move to a town that suites you, have a nice life. You deserve to be happy. BUT YOU NEED TO KNOW, ONLY YOU CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY. I recommend by taking out the garbage and getting a better husband.

 

[MiMimoomoo]

Oh, wow, I can't even imagine. Do you think he would be willing to accompany you to a therapy session and discuss this with you and your therapist? That might be more effective than reading a book.

Excellent suggestion Karen. Hearing from an 'authority' might get through to him about how deeply this is affecting you.
I am a little worried because forcing you back to the site of your abuse, is a form of abuse. This is something you need to discuss with your therapist. Having to face your abusers is clearly something you are not yet able to do.

Have you tried EFT or any of the power psychology therapies? There is an EFT programme for soldiers with PTSD where they offer free online treatments and I know they do take other PTSD sufferers. It's really worth trying. EFT healed my 12 years social phobia and agoraphobia in two, one-hour sessions. Psychotherapy, hypnosis, drugs... none of them worked for me. Yet this simple treatment did.

People are often so keen to brush unpleasant stuff under the carpet. My husband's much older brothers beat and terrorized him daily through his whole childhood. He had nightmares every night for 20 years until we realised he had PTSD and he started having treatment. When confronted about this the brother's response was "It was all the past, he should just forget about it."
People don't want to acknowledge their contribution to someone's suffering, and the guilt makes them just want to diminish the problem. Your husband isn't being very supportive - yes it's easier for him to live there, but awful for you. Perhaps he is minimising your problem to deal with his guilt about forcing you to live there. Hopefully with the input from your therapist you may be able to persuade him to move further away.