General My Son's Death is Tearing Me Apart

[Kathy]

I haven't seen any evidence of your being unpleasant on this forum in any way, though I understand how easy it is to get paranoid about that, since I get that way myself.

Thank you Hodge, and everyone else who has said I have not been unpleasant. I do worry about it as I definitely have been unpleasant with my family. However perhaps you are correct Hodge, in that I am just being paranoid.

I intend to write a bit more about this in time, however at the moment I haven't much to say. Perhaps after I start therapy. In any event, thank you all once more for the support.

 

[anthony]

Kathy, the hardest part is now over for you.... in that you acknowledge the problem. Well done and now you may just be open to actually finding some resolve to what you feel. Your feelings are natural, not unnatural. I agree with you though, in that you must put all what you know professionally aside and listen to a therapist that suits your personality, so you can heal and not obscure yourself with your professional knowledge. I say that because those with the knowledge typically are not as open to being helped, though you have just endured that and learnt it isn't helping you. Well done Kathy and your starting the road to your own healing process.

 

[Marlene]

Kathy,

I remember when my mother went to grief therapy after my sister died it helped her a lot to deal with feelings she'd kept buried. I hope it helps you find some peace in your life.

Take care of yourself. Let those around you carry some of the weight you usually do. Concentrate on yourself.

Hugs
Lisa

 

[Jim]

Don't know if it's a mother thing, or because Kathleen is a therapist. However. She has had far more difficulty with Brian's death than myself. Not to say I have no pain. Far from it. Sometimes though - I feel guilt over that aspect. Just don't seem to feel things quite as intensely as she.

Well done though my dear, on starting therapy. Pray it helps us both.

Jim.

 

[kers]

Kathy, I'm glad you are reaching out to get help. Therapy has helped me find a way to accept what I always thought was simply impossible to accept. I hope it can help you find a way to manage things, too.

 

[hodge]

Thank you Hodge, and everyone else who has said I have not been unpleasant. I do worry about it as I definitely have been unpleasant with my family. However perhaps you are correct Hodge, in that I am just being paranoid.

Dear Kathy, I dare say many of us know this paranoia well. I've been unpleasant with my husband on occasion, too (most recently, today, although I feel it went both ways this time). This is all an uphill battle. I just read a New Year's letter from a dear friend of mine and want to share this thought with you:

"As I pondered this scripture [from this past weekend, I assume] about light and darkness it struck me that it doesn’t say the darkness would dissipate but that light shines in it."

This thought helps me; I hope it helps you, too.

 

[wildcritter44]

You are a strong person

Kathy,

You are obviously a strong person to recognize in yourself the need to seek help.
Be proud of yourself for that.

I haven't been on the forum much lately, and I don't remember reading anything about you losing Brian. I am sorry. I do believe he use to post here sometimes, didn't he?
I seem to remember that he would post to some responses that Evie wrote. My memory isn't what it use to be. Forgive me, if I am wrong.

You deal with so very many things in your life. I will say a prayer and hope this New Year can bring you happiness and good health to you and your family.

:Hug_emoticon::Hug_emoticon: to you & all your family

Donna

aka/wildcritter

 

[Kathy]

Yes that's correct Donna, Brian used to post here occasionally. There was a thread regarding his death however I believe it didn't mention Brian specifically in the title, that is perhaps why you do not recall. Forgive me as I don't wish to go searching for it, too painful.

Thank you for the prayers and thoughts. I wish you the same happiness this year for you and your family.

 

[Kathy]

I am going for my evaluation / intake appointment for therapy tomorrow, and just found out I will be seen by one of my former colleagues! I must admit I do feel rather nervous, not to mention embarrassed. I do believe I would have preferred to be evaluated by a stranger. However I intend to be honest and straightforward despite my embarrassment.

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Hi Kathy, I'm sorry that you are in so much pain. I can't even imagine what your going through. Hang in there!

Tammy

 

[Frankie]

Kathy, going for help when you are in so much pain is nothing to be embarrassed about, even if it is from a former colleague !

They are there to listen to you, to help you move on, and when I say move on, I don't mean it in a bad way, as if you will forget about Brian ! but I mean it as in "to live your life, knowing it will never be the same". You will learn to accept the pain and misery that comes with the loss of a child. Accepting that life will never be the same.

Knowing that in time, you will remember Brian and smile ! Oh, I know it will take time, and the pain you feel now is perfectly normal. Our children should never go before us !

But also know that each one of us grieves in our own way ! Who should tell us how to measure grief ? or how long and how we should grieve ? Noone, but you !

Jim mentioned that you are having a harder time then he is. That doesn't mean he loved Brian less or misses him less, but we all grieve differently. And you are still in one phase of the process.

But you are accepting the fact that you need help ! And that is a measure step forward !

God Bless !

 

[Kathy]

Thank you Frankie, I always appreciate your very sensible words. I must admit though it is difficult to watch Jim doing things which I am not able to do. He is grieving differently than I am and not any less painfully, however I do wish sometimes I handled things as he does. I do feel jealous of my husband at times! I am very hopeful though this therapy will be helpful.