Name that distorted cognition (thought/perception)

[Sterre]

Argh, half of my previous posting is gone! ( sorry for double posting)

Today I am doing some serious emotional reasoning, black and white thinking, and disqalifying the positives. Ugh.

Emotional reasoning:
My ex is probably happy that he's rid of me, he must feel relieved and disgusted. ( this is what I feel, and it says a lot about me and MY thoughtpatterns, but because this feeling is so strong I believe it to be true.)

Alternative thought:
Maybe he misses me as I mis him, maybe he is grieving to. After all there where a lot of pleasant times we shared. And maybe he feels relieved that there is no more conflict to resolve, but that is not something personally about me.

Black and white thinking:
He is a healthy and good partner, and I am the sick one who is unhealthy. ( not true of course, it lays somewhere in the middle)

Alternative thought:
We where triggering for each other. I have my issues, and he has his. We both are wounded. I am aware of my wounds and work actively on them, he is affraid of his wounds and will not face or confront them, thus remaining stuck in the same pattern. I am not sure about his emotional health. I take responsibility for myself, he does not take responsibility and shifts blame on me, I believe thats not very healthy relationship wise.

Disqalifying the positives:
I did not contribute anything positive to the relationship, only negatifs and wrongdoings. ( Rationally I know I contributed positive things in the relationship, but the feels of negativism are very strong today.)

Alternative thought;
I brought a lot of love and warmth into the relationship and his life, wich is a positive quality I believe.

 

[New]

Sending hugs if that's okay.

 

[Heather]

That no matter how much I do to be pro active and move in the direction I want my life to go:

Things won't work out.

 

[ms spock]

All or Nothing Thinking
Personalisation
Fortune Telling
Jumping to conclusions
Mind reading
Black and white thinking

 

[Ronin]

Emotional Reasoning

Just because I feel in the past, I must be in it. Kaboom, it only gets worse from this point. And that year ends in a massive betrayal and shoot me already.

... Alternative Thought: Hey, everything collapsing? That's a crisis. And a crisis we what? f*cking. Sort. Eyes on the road and ignore the doubt. Shinier shit to watch.

... And a lot of other things summable as: I can do normal life only if I persuade myself it's a war zone I'm not /alone/ in. Some more of doing things for someone else. Hi, Lola, Anrish, Buggie, Ladee, Recovery, Friday. I'm a wuss but proud of knowing you. :happy:

 

[ms spock]

Black and White thinking!

 

[420kitty]

I do all of these. Rarely #4 and mainly #5,6,7,9 & 10. Is #11 the same as thinking you heard someone say one thing and they said something completely different, or unrelated? I do a lot, especially at work.

 

[ms spock]

The 10 primary cognitive distortions are:

1. All or nothing thinking -- You see things in black and white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.
2. Over-generalization -- You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
3. Mental filter -- You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it so exclusively that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that colors the entire beaker of water.
4. Disqualifying the positive -- You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count" for some reason or other. In this way you can maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.
5. Jumping to conclusions -- You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion. (Involves mind-reading and fortune-telling.)
6. Magnification and minimization -- You exaggerate the importance of things, or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny.
7. Emotional reasoning -- You assume that your emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are, as in "I feel it, therefore it must be true."
8. Should statements -- You try to motivate yourself with "should" and "should not," as if you have to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything.
9. Labeling and mislabeling -- This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself.
10. Personalization -- You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event which, in fact, you were not primarily responsible for.

So 1, 2, 3, 5 (mind reading and fortune telling) 6, 7, (big problems with number 7 - just because I feel it - doesn't mean it is so.) 8, and 9. With 10 I am blaming myself less for my past and the abuse.

 

[ms spock]

Still working on this, need to get in there deeper, not sure how. I was thinking the written exercises.

 

[WishfulThinking123]

Over-Generalization: I tend to think guys are going to have their way with me anyways... so therefore instead of "feeling defeated" I started becoming extremely promiscuous to try to feel like I was in control. Although, not promiscuous anymore I still have this thinking pattern...

 

[Chiqui]

Still working on this, need to get in there deeper, not sure how. I was thinking the written...

May be the Burns's exercises book? I took it from the library again last week and I turned back without even open it...:( I know there is so much help and understanding doing them, but, silly me, I want to do them all at once. I don't of course, and after I feel dissapointed with myself for not getting an impossible target :eek:. Thanks for posting, I am going to choose ONE right now and work on it...lets say one week from today...
Personalized: All the wrong that happen around me it is my fault (no, it isn't Maria):hug:

 

[ms spock]

I have got both his books now. It is a matter of sitting down and getting things started!