Name that distorted cognition (thought/perception)

[Deleted member 20978]

I'm not sure. It depends. Do you.. like me?

How I feel about how I believe other people feel about me is pretty complicated. I mean, sometimes people don't like me and I can correctly perceive that, but then they think I can't because they think whatever I'm so self-involved (false) that blah blah.

Maybe overgeneralization. I just -- for instance I've felt shame, but I think justified shame, for realizing after the fact bad impacts I've had and ways my presence can be problematic. In some cases people have posted/commented whatever things to call attention to things that whether aimed at me specifically or not have actually called my attention to my own flawed perspective and behavior, and then I feel shame, and want to take it all in. But I'm left with a lot of deep feelings of people really not liking me. To make it harder a few folks have told me pretty point blank that they don't like me, though a lot have told me they do. And then I feel shame for writing this here right now, because STFU why don't you!!

Argh. To be clear, I do not need to be liked by everyone. Just hate feeling extremely disliked. And then there's things like, I feel people think I'm not really suffering trauma just because I don't tell how I was homeless a year after high school with no family. Feels like if you focus on positives some people are determined to think you're a wimp who knows nothing of real trauma, whereas focus on the negatives and people are determined to think you're attention seeking etc. etc.

Sorry for giving so much answer but thank you for asking Ms Spock.

Sometimes I just wish people who do say they like me would come say hi in my diary, which is where I spew the real tough stuff for me. Tough to get out that is. I don't know if I'm doing a good job making sense there. I find it extremely difficult to just lay things out in plain English as to what I'm going through.

Sorry for threadjacking everyone or whatever I know I'm doing it wrong.

 

[Ronin]

Sorry for threadjacking everyone or whatever I know I'm doing it wrong.

We're a thread all for meta-thinking. I think you're in the right thread with thinking about thinking. :)

 

[ms spock]

@Jemini I don't go to other member's diaries very often - not because I don't like people - but because I can't manage it any more _ I get triggered and I can't keep doing that if I want to get well - I can disco dance with people in chat (and though you are banned from chat at this time I am sure one day you will get back there and disco with me as well) and I can Welcome New Members and I love Wishing People Happy Birthday. It is funny because a few people recently have asked me if they did something for me to not come in to their diary any more and it is nothing personal, it is just me getting better boundaries and being realistic about what I can and cannot give. I wouldn't read anything in to it that people don't comment in your diary, people often don't go to diaries because it is so triggering. That is no comment on anyone - it is survival.

I feel intensely unliked and unlovable today Jemini and I could easily shut down and cut off from everyone - in fact I feel like I pretty much am because no one is really keeping in contact with me at this time. So I do have great compassion for what you are feeling. Those of us with attachment issues and my psychiatrist said to me that I have a severe attachment disorder - we need to take more time to respond than the average yogi bear so as not to put the people around us through so much. It is quite the skill to learn.

Members have told me point blank that they don't like me - that is part of life some people like you and some people don't. It happens to all of us.

The shame thing is interesting as I am reading about Self Compassion and shame but I haven't translated it in to any type of practice yet.

I hope that answers what you were saying and speaking about and I think it is good to get out of your head what you are thinking. You have some previous really good skill sets which you are not using now. I look forward to seeing you use them again.

I think also don't read people's lack of comment as rejection or not being interested. I often to respond because I have nothing constructive to say or I am over taxed in my life outside the forum or I know a few people that will come along and say it better. Sometimes I don't know what to say. Comments or lack therefore of are not indicators of people liking or not liking you. It is complex interplay of factors @Jemini.

People's distorted cognitions often stop them from contributing and sometimes they stop them for ever participating on the forum at all. We, are the lucky ones, as least we got to the point of being able to post to the forum. Some people don't get there.

 

[Deleted member 20978]

Okay, thanks. But I like you anyway. I hope your sunny days return soon Ms Spock.

 

[ms spock]

1. Personalizing.

Taking something personally that may not be personal. Seeing events as consequences of your actions when there are other possibilities. For example, believing someone’s brusque tone must be because they’re irritated with you. (Tips for not personalizing(link is external).)

2. Link Removed. Guessing what someone else is thinking, when they may not be thinking that.

3. Negative predictions.

Overestimating the likelihood that an action will have a negative outcome.

4. Underestimating coping ability.

Underestimating your ability to cope with negative events.

5. Link Removed

Thinking of unpleasant events as catastrophes.


https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201301/50-common-cognitive-distortions

Got all these in early this morning.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I'm a distortion within my own mind. I am too unstable. Why do I exist?

 

[ms spock]

The 10 primary cognitive distortions are:

1. All or nothing thinking -- You see things in black and white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.
2. Over-generalization -- You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
3. Mental filter -- You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it so exclusively that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that colors the entire beaker of water.
4. Disqualifying the positive -- You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count" for some reason or other. In this way you can maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.
5. Jumping to conclusions -- You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion. (Involves mind-reading and fortune-telling.)
6. Magnification and minimization -- You exaggerate the importance of things, or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny.
7. Emotional reasoning -- You assume that your emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are, as in "I feel it, therefore it must be true."
8. Should statements -- You try to motivate yourself with "should" and "should not," as if you have to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything.
9. Labeling and mislabeling -- This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself.
10. Personalization -- You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event which, in fact, you were not primarily responsible for.

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Going for Gold today - getting a good run in of them all.

 

[ms spock]

Personalization -- You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event which, in fact, you were not primarily responsible for.
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Still here with this one - so much self blame and self harassment.

 

[Ronin]

Emotional reasoning & Should statements

Or: emotional reasoning countered by should statements :shifty:

 

[ms spock]

Emotional reasoning -- You assume that your emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are, as in "I feel it, therefore it must be true."

I feel like no one wants me and no one loves me, and I feel totally alone. It feels really real, to the core of my inner being, but it is not real, though it feels real.

 

[ms spock]

Jumping to conclusions -- You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion. (Involves mind-reading and fortune-telling.)

Way too much of this - I live in this so much of the time - worrying about what other people think.

 

[Ronin]

Mental filter

... and I'm pretty glad. Got in here aware I'm doing just Something and not sure what that something is, so seeing it named's pretty cool.