Need someone else’s insight

[Star76]

Hi,
Not sure if this is the right place to post this but I really need some advice. So I posted a few day ago about over sharing my life story (CSA) with this guy. I met up with him yesterday and we were having sex and I told him clearly to please stop and said no to him multiple times and he didn’t stop. This happened on two separate occasions last night. I’m not sure what to think I mean I am 20 and throughout my childhood/ early adulthood I am so use to adults sleeping with me when I don’t want it.

 

[EveHarrington]

You said no, that is rape.

Say goodbye to this guy.

Next time do not overshare.....guys sometimes scout out their targets, and with a previous history of abuse he’d have known that you’d be easier to abuse.

I know I’m going to sound old or prudish, but I advise not sleeping with guys so soon. It’s only going to get you hurt again and prolong healing.

 

[Trapped_Lost]

I am 22 and also female. I’ve been there, and the other commenter is right. It may seem like you “have to” or “it’s what everyone does” or you just don’t know what else to do idk I’m not you, but you most definitely do not have to sleep with ANYONE right away or early on in a relationship. I spent YEARS doing that because I thought I had to. I thought I had to let these assholes in, in my life my head and my ladybits to keep them around or for them to love me. You say stop or you refuse, they say no, that’s rape regardless. Boyfriend, “friend”, or just some guy. You are worth more than that and you are hurting yourself more by just going with the flow and dealing with it later on. I understand what it’s like. I promise you you’ll find someone worth everything you have to give and the right guy the one who will keep you safe and respect you will wait for you until you are comfortable and he will stop when you ask him to.

 

[Candleflames]

Hi,

I'm so sorry you had been violated as a child and now again as an adult. What they did was not right and you are not to blame. Childhood trauma absolutely disintegrates our sense of autonomy, including our body ownership and our ability to understand our own consent.

We do have body autonomy and consent is always ongoing. Therapy and some personal research can help you find your voice's strength.

Best of luck!

 

[Gamera3000]

Agree. So sorry this happened. So sorry to have to say plainly that this was rape.

Once, years ago, I was sitting around a table having good time drinks with my best girl friends and gay guy friends. Somehow the conversation turned and we realized that every single one of us had been raped, some of us multiple times, and some of us by our other friends. We realized, only by talking to each other, that being raped can feel like anything. You can feel embarrassed, horrified, nothing at all, even grateful that the guy is still showing you attention, or dozens of other things, and yet still you were raped. It’s not at all like you expect from TV or movies.

Just stay away from this person. You don’t owe him or anyone else any explanation. Just take care of yourself. Try doing for you what you would recommend for someone else.