New Kind Of Flashbacks??

[Hope1969]

Hi everybody


In the last few month since the abuse came up I had all kind of very strong flashbacks (body memories, pictures, emotional (especially feelings of horror). It was day and night and so terrible that I started to think about suicide although I am not suicidal. And then after massive work with my T the flashbacks became more managble and rare. The Therapy meetings became less hard and I thought that I'm on the right path to putting the CSA aside.

Last week in therapy we spoke about him for a minute (just a minute). After I left the T office I suddenly sensed his presence again. I became very weak physically - couldn't stand or walk. Felt very sad and very little. Heart beats. And from that day I have nightmares every night (yesterday was terrible. woke up and was afraid to sleep again). And now I have new kind of flashbacks: I feel sadness and fearful al the time. Feel very small. Trapped. Every little thing triggers me. Yesterday I played with my son and I was trying very hard not to laugh and stay serious in the game so I had few heavy breathing for a second and in a second everything changed to those feelings that I mentioned. I don't remember heavy breathings in the abuse so I didn't even tried being careful about it. It just happened.

I am trying to speak to the little girl inside me and calm her down but it doesn't work.

Are these flashbacks or something else?

Is this situation familiar to you?

Thanks

 

[Hope1969]

spoke to a friend about it she said that its emotional flashback.
it feels like it will never end
tired
tnx to whoever read my post

 

[Gadgie]

And from that day I have nightmares every night (yesterday was terrible. woke up and was afraid to sleep again).

I know exactly what you mean there, as I go trough same thing when I have my night mares!

As for your other problem, we have to separate what we call "flash backs" from "triggers" most of my flashbacks are my nightmares, yet, a smell, sound or the sight of something, will trigger a horrible memory, that comes rushing back into my mind, and I freeze!

It's hard to explain, but it sends me right back to the event, and stops what ever I'm doing and I go into what seems like a trance?

It's embarrassing, as if I'm in company, or a crowded place, when I come out of it, everyone is staring at me?

 

[Hope1969]

yet, a smell, sound or the sight of something, will trigger a horrible Memory, that comes rushing back into my mind, and I freeze!

i know exactly what you mean. i have the same experience. i am a freelance and work from home so most of the time i am alone with the flashbacks. but if it happen when i am with my son, i freeze. only when he starts to shout "momy!!!! you are dreamimg again" i do my best to come back. its difficult.

 

[Missycat]

Hope, i wonder if its because you talked about 'him' in therapy? I am working with my T on my CSA and i have experienced something very similar when i mention 'him'. I cant say his name and i find even difficult to say or write 'him' - its as though that person (loose term) didnt exist. When i talked a little about that person in therapy once i felt as though i couldnt get them out of my head at all and my nightmares came back with a vengeance along with being extra hypervigilant. My T did some self soothing ( the child me) and grounding to help me settle and she said shes confident that as we process more there 'power over me' will reduce - if that makes sense.
i agree with @Gadgie and i think he explains it well.
Good luck in your healing journey

 

[Hope1969]

Hope, i wonder if its because you talked about 'him' in therapy? I am working with my T on my CSA and...

Yes. It is because I spoke about him.
I just didn't know how much it will effect me.
I also can't say his name. My T used his name at that session. And those flashbacks started. It's if she opened "Pandora Box".

Today we had 3rd session in exposure process. This session was terrible. I was not able to read the "story". It took me ages to say something after the word - him.

I don't want to sound dramatic but I wish I wasn't born. Sorry for the depressed post I am not in good situation.

Good luck to you too with your path to healing.