New To Forum. Having Trouble Being Open About My Ptsd

[cassie]

I was diagnosed with PTSD over a year ago. I'm still having trouble being open about it, and talking about it with others.
I was sexually abused by my step-father for about 14 years. I didn't tell anyone about it until I was 18 years old, when the abuse was still going on. When I finally told someone, the authorities were involved, and court eventually followed.

My step-father is now in jail.

I'm very greatful that it is all over, at the same time, I feel very lost. I do not know how to adjust to being a normal human being now. It was a hidden part of my life for so long, and I had to deal with it all alone for many years. The effects of it are very hard to deal with.

I have night terrors, vivid flashbacks, and difficulty being intimate with my partner. I hardly ever sleep and have sever paranoia.

I use robotussin(DXM) regularly to essentially "trip" and disassociate myself from reality.

I stopped going to therapy, and had to get off medication due to my loss of health insurance.

I still cannot talk openly about any of it with my friends or family. I feel like the just expect me to be normal now. They act like nothing ever happened. I'm confused, and unsure of how to handle any of this.

I isolate myself from everyone aside from my long-term boyfriend. We stay home day after day and don't talk to anyone.

I have extreme anxiety and paranoia whenever I leave my home now. It's getting pretty rough.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi Cassie, welcome to the forum.

This is an amazing place. I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. You did really well writing your post. The first is always the hardest, especially opening up when you don't usually talk about it.

Have a read of some of the articles on the home page, they helped me.

If possible I would advise going back into therapy. It helps if you can be guided by a professional trained in trauma T. I battled on my own and felt as if I was swimming against a strong current.

I have found freindship, comfort and support here and I hope you will find the same.

Take care
KP

 

[anni]

Hi Cassie,

It might be easier to talk about it here, then to your friends and family. From what you wrote it sounds like perhaps it hasn't been encouraged there because it's sort of expected you be normal now. Being here might give you some sort of comfrot zone to help you approach it with those you wish to open up to in your life. Welcome here- it's a good place to start.

KP is right about the therapy also. If it's managable for you ( you did mention an insurance problem ) it would be really kind to yourself if you could get back to therapy. It's just that a T knows how to make sense of all the pain and chaos in our heads and lives, can show us a way out finally where we just can't see it ourselves sometimes. I know some denominations of churches with ordained ministers have those ministers trained in this way also, and those services do not cost anything. They are also not necessarily religious in nature, either-just plain counseling from a trained professional. Are you in an area which might have support groups? You could find a PTSD group or one specific to your trauma via a Google search.

I'm glad your abuser is in prison since this is somewhat validating at lest. You deserve to be heard now, and to heal, and to have your life back. Since you've already made the step of joining here, when you have the energy it's helpful to tool around the 'library' of articles here. One can always find something specific to something you've had a question about personally, if not 10 things. Plus, reading others journeys in the threads here lets you know you're just plain not alone. It's awfully helpful all by itself, I think.

Welcome, and do take care,

Anni

 

[Srain]

Hi Cassie welcome the site :)

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((Cassie)))))))

Welcome!

May your troubles cease and fortune smile upon you. :)

 

[blueangel371115]

I have trouble being open about it also. My parents know about it but they don't beleive it. That's why I come here. no judgements. Everyone here is caring and helpful as we are all in the same boat. Many of us have had the same experiences.

 

[kers]

You've gotten good advice here. It can help, especially in the beginning of healing, to have a boundaried place to share (i.e. therapy, pastoral counseling, a group). That way you know that your confidentiality is protected and that the person(s) you are sharing with will not get burnt out, frightened away, etc. It takes time to learn what to share and who to share it with, and there are going to be missteps. Knowing that going into healing would have helped me be less critical of myself!

I encourage you to be flexible with your definition of "open," as it will change with your healing and depending on who you are with. I have found what works for me is to be 100% open with my therapist. With my friends, I am honest and share, but I am not an open book re: the PTSD and traumas. That works for me, but everyone is different. I hope you find a way to feel less alone with all of it.