Sufferer New To This... Best Friend Died

[sandra kline]

Hi everyone,

I never thought I'd write on a website like this, but in the past I've found it helpful to talk to people going through similar situations as me.

My best friend Emily was a girl I knew for 10 years. From the first day of secondary school to our gap years and university we were inseparable. Last summer, Emily and I went on holiday to a mutual friends house in France. The first night we got there she got a sore throat, but we thought nothing of it. Because there were a few of us at the house Emily and I were sharing a double bed. She kept waking up in the night because her throat was getting more and more painful, and I told her we could go to the pharmacy in the morning and it would all be fine. In the early hours of the morning her throat completely closed, and as much as we tried to open her airway and give her mouth to mouth resuscitation she didn't regain consciousness. I went with her to hospital and sat in the waiting room for about 12 hours. When her organs shut down they switched off the life support. I had to pack up her suitcase and take her belongings home on the plane a couple of days later.

After that I couldn't see anyone for about 3 months, and even now (11 months later) I feel so isolated from what happened because no one else went through that experience, and no one else lost their best friend. Now Im in my final year at university and I feel everyone is getting on with their lives, but I'm standing still.

I don't know where to go from here. I often get angry that the people around me have no idea what this feels like, and they can live a care-free existence. I feel hopeless

thanks , sandra

 

[arfie]

How horrible! Beyond words!!!!

I do not have an experience like this in my trauma train, but I believe that the most important thing I have learned from years of gaining strength through support groups is that our experience does not need to be identical to gain strength from one another. Getting past those hopeless feelings, etc., is the thing. There is more than one way to get lost in those feelings and more than one way to heal. With the strength of sharing care, all of us can lighten the load.

Welcome, Sandra. Sorry for what brings you, but glad you are here. May the healing companionship strengthen you.

 

[y5L]

Welcome to the site. I'm sorry for your loss and for how it's still holding you captive. I hope you find here the support and the tools you need to get back on your feet!

You've taken some good steps already- sharing where you've been, admitting where you're at, and being open to learning from people who have walked a similar road.

Hope is on its way, Sandra!

 

[Springer80]

It's such a tragic and senseless way to die and a waste of life. I'm assuming she died because of some allergic reaction?

I know about standing still. My life stood still at the age of 12 and my family and friends got further and further away from me and my experience of life. I was bullied, ostracised, manipulated, neglected for not being able to care about bands or boys or whatever thing my friends felt important and not letting family pretend that nothing had happened.

I spent a long time trying to convey , remonstrate, beg, fight, cajole....anything so I could be included again in the forward motion of life. The more I did the more people wanted me to be 'over it'. It can't be done.

Your life has changed. You have changed. What you hold dear to you and value will be too.

Maybe at some time in the future you could be thankful, that for the years your friend was around she had a good and full life. That the friendship you had was precious.

Have you talked to her family? It's likely they would be feeling the same thing.

I know isolation is tough. It must weigh on your mind a lot and make your heart feel very heavy.
Eventually though you can absorb the differences this sorry change in your life has made to you.

I know it doesn't feel like it and probably sounds like a platitude but someone once said that pain makes you realise when you see the opportunity for joy. You will come out of this. X

 

[Definitely..maybe]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that Sandra and are having to deal with the horrible after effects. This is a great place to help you heal however slowly.

I'm here for you if you need anything!

 

[a3a2]

I am so sorry, Sandra. Can you find a grief support group in your area? Grieving takes time. You may want to familiarize yourself with the stages of grieving. Cry. Cry, cry and cry. Throw thing. Punch pillows. Kick and scream and write.

 

[Jezanna]

I just wanted to let you know that given the fact you thought she just had a sore throat.... Her death was not your fault. I'm going to say this again... It was not your fault. I'm saying this in case there's a small voice in your head playing the " what if" game. I can tell you from my experience it will drive you into a dark place. You've been given some great advise and in case your wondering it's not to late nor has to much time passed for you to join a support group.

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Sandra and welcome to the forum. I am so sorry for what you have suffered and would like to second the comments above.
It really was not your fault.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Sandra,

Welcome!

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope the information and support here gives you a new sense of hope that you can regain your life.

Debbie