Hi everyone,
I was first told I had PTSD in 2003 and I ignored it. I was doing a job I loved and so I chose to ignore what the so called experts were saying. My life career was in sales - I could sell anything. I was good at it and was very successful - then at 40 my life changed and so did my career. I became one of NSW finest. The hardest bit was going back to University at that age but I got through and passed with flying colours. I became a Police constable in 2000 and I was determined to make a difference.
Not long into the job I was already achieving my goal. I was liked by my peers for my humour and my work ethic. I was a small country town cop and knew every one. They knew me too. One of the best compliments I ever received was from a crook who said, "If I ever get locked up I hope its you". Believe me when I say that people have knocked on my door (Whilst off duty) asking to be arrested. Suffice to say my arrest rate was up there and never any charges of resist arrest.
Surprise when all the darker stuff I did started to gnaw at me. I blocked that out and then piled the rest of stuff on top of that. 2010 I finally broke down took my uniform of and from that time have not been able to look at it. I can't go into the bad stuff because its not good for me then as sure as shit it will not be good for you. What did surprise me was the bullying from upper management when they learned of my condition. There was me asking for help when what they did was make me worse.
I now spend my time hiding at my home because its safer for me here. I have been blessed with a loving wife that has put up with the whole package. My children have not been so understanding. I have lost count of how many time my marriage has nearly ended. I did stuff on the internet which I am not proud of. This behaviour I put down to self destruct and it nearly worked. I love my wife so much - she is my world and all I need.
I was first told I had PTSD in 2003 and I ignored it. I was doing a job I loved and so I chose to ignore what the so called experts were saying. My life career was in sales - I could sell anything. I was good at it and was very successful - then at 40 my life changed and so did my career. I became one of NSW finest. The hardest bit was going back to University at that age but I got through and passed with flying colours. I became a Police constable in 2000 and I was determined to make a difference.
Not long into the job I was already achieving my goal. I was liked by my peers for my humour and my work ethic. I was a small country town cop and knew every one. They knew me too. One of the best compliments I ever received was from a crook who said, "If I ever get locked up I hope its you". Believe me when I say that people have knocked on my door (Whilst off duty) asking to be arrested. Suffice to say my arrest rate was up there and never any charges of resist arrest.
Surprise when all the darker stuff I did started to gnaw at me. I blocked that out and then piled the rest of stuff on top of that. 2010 I finally broke down took my uniform of and from that time have not been able to look at it. I can't go into the bad stuff because its not good for me then as sure as shit it will not be good for you. What did surprise me was the bullying from upper management when they learned of my condition. There was me asking for help when what they did was make me worse.
I now spend my time hiding at my home because its safer for me here. I have been blessed with a loving wife that has put up with the whole package. My children have not been so understanding. I have lost count of how many time my marriage has nearly ended. I did stuff on the internet which I am not proud of. This behaviour I put down to self destruct and it nearly worked. I love my wife so much - she is my world and all I need.
