Panicking! Need Advice!

[Melody coates]

my stay the emergency shelter that I've been staying since last November might have to come to and end. I've had problems with keeping a job for longer than a couple weeks, had colon surgery, and took me a few months to recover from an infection at the surgery wound. so that's why I've been staying there that long. My case manager has to fight every day to let me stay longer. she told me not to worry because she would let me stay with her if it came down to it. the problem is that I don't trust her. the last time a woman told me I could stay with them, I got treated like complete shit. I have this tremendous fear that if I live with my case manager that she will try to control and abuse me. I'm at the point where I'd rather kill myself than to be under control of another female. I was trapped in a controlling, abusive situation until last November with my mother. then when I tried to escape that I ended up getting treated like shit by another woman. when I tried to make a new friend she ended up treating me like shit as well. I even turned down an opportunity to get an apartment with her out of fear of being abused and controlled. and this was before we had a falling out. I'd feel much safer living with a random dude than another female. the only female friends I have are back in my hometown and I've known them since high school. and there's only a few of them and they have problems of their own. my family cannot help me because I've cut most of them off. I don't know what to do! :(:(:(

 

[darrenS]

ouch , thats one helluva a tough situation to be in , i can only suggest finding a random flatmate through listings etc , but as always meet first, interview etc , but i know in your situation that may not be possible. Living with a case manager is a huge red flag, the fact that she is offering is very unprofessional, it may be compassionate but you have to question her reasons as to why ? do you have any money, savings etc ? i really dont know what to suggest , because it all gets down to what resources you have now.

 

[Melody coates]

@darrenS I have some savings but not a lot

 

[arfie]

Gentle support if you will accept it from another female, Melody. Healing hopes while you sort your way through it. Not a fun spot.

 

[City Slicker]

I sure understand why you are panicking. Does the shelter have housing workers specific to helping you get safe housing (is this what your case manager helps with?)

I know you have probably already followed up every lead and suggestion the workers have brought. I hope this doesn't mean they put you out on the street when your 'time' is up and hope come practical solutions will start to come up for you.

It sounds like your case manager is very caring - but I worry about her offering her place.
Please trust your instincts and stay safe. I wish I could offer more suggestions.

 

[Kintsugi]

I don't know your case manager. I can't say someone is safe or not. And I'm not sure what will help your very tough situation.

I do want you to consider, however, that it sounds like she is fighting very hard to keep you where you want to be right now, and if it is verifiable that she is fighting for you to stay there, she doesn't sound like the predators I have known.

I'm not going to say that I find it orthodox that she would offer this. I think it's unusual. But it does sound like she is trying to look out for you from what you've said here, so whether or not you want to stay with her, I hope you can concentrate on the possibility that this woman is trying to help you, even if you couldn't possibly trust her. She is not treating you like shit. She is breaking that trend. :)