Please I Need Your Opinions Not Understanding Anything About Life Or Living

[leelee]

Dont let it get to you. I am the same way. It is part of Cptsd.

 

[leelee]

Google/research complex ptsd, it will give your mind some to do;)

 

[One step at a time]

When I feel unsafe, my sense of self shuts off (to protect me), and then I become numb and unable to feel the bad or the good. I needed therapy (1) to help me recognize that I was in a lot of pain (2) to remember why I was feeling so much pain (3) to learn that neither the pain nor the experiences that caused it define me (4) to rediscover my sense of self (5) to recover my ability to feel. These are in chronological order, except 5, which has been coming in bits and pieces throughout the process. While I still often ask the questions you started with, and I understand the feeling of apathy, these 5 things are helping me redevelop a sense of peace and purpose.

 

[Lostgirlptsd]

When I feel unsafe, my sense of self shuts off (to protect me), and then I become numb and u...

This sounds exactly like me. I did some reading about complex ptsd, it sounds like I have it, as I have major depression, and a dissociative disorder too. Living like this is killing me, its awful, as it is for all of you too. Thank you for all your information, help and support, you are all really great people, thank you so much x

 

[Muted]

The book, The Purpose Driven Life, has helped me.

 

[Lostgirlptsd]

The book, The Purpose Driven Life, has helped me.

Thank you, I'll keep it in mind x

 

[Friday]

I go through phases of this.

Most of the time I can understand intellectually what needs must, and if my emotions are shut off, all the better as it makes it infinitely easier to do. If they aren't, it makes it very difficult, as I'm fighting this WTF??? balking, anger, anxiety, frustration, confusion, etc. But even though I can understand intellectually, it just doesn't parse why people live in buildings, and go places, and do things, and...? >.< It just all makes my head hurt.

Then there are times I just do not grok life. Full stop. At all. I range from completely nonfunctional, to literal basics. Food & shelter become highly dependent on how starving I am & how death-by-exposure I'm risking.

Then there's survival-mode, where I understand what I'm "supposed" to be doing, it just also feels insane as f*ck, and is very difficult to make myself do it. I use the example fairly frequently of "What do you do when your house is on fire?" Does one run outside, throw open the water main, fight the fire, call 911, etc.? Or does one calmly go about starting a load of washing, and get to matching socks? The first one, right? And yet, it's the second one that's needed, because the house isn't actually on fire. :O_o: Aaaaaargh. I DGAF about matching motherf*cking socks!

Like I said, these come & go, so I take steps -most of the time- to plan for periods of WTF & DGAF. (Including only buying the same sock, so they never need matching ;) Life is too short to spend any of it caring about which bloody socks are on my feet/in my hands. Socks? Good enough!) But also much larger things, like paying my rent a few months in advance, and taking vacations instead of nuking my life, when nothing parses. Because when things get too bad? It is just wicked f*cking difficult to come back from being completely nonfunctional. It's hard to get a toehold, when I can't remember I'm climbing a mountain, and need one.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Is it just me, or maybe there is something else wrong with me, but does anyone have trouble with u...

I can only talk for me Lostgirlptsd and what you posted sounds like what you've been diagnosed with that you wrote about; those who do not have ptsd and anxiety have their own issues and us with ptsd/anxiety, etc. have a mixed bag of symptoms and numb, and disconnected are just to name a couple precious o. For me with prolonged complex ptsd due to torture/violence and destruction I often feel exactly as how you described yourself above. Give yourself a hug, and hugs from others who are supportive Lostgirlptsd for you now know your diagnoses and all of your symptoms you just described are spot on symptoms of your diagnoses. Sending hugs many of them too many to count!

 

[Ronin]

does anyone have trouble with understanding life, and what living is about?

In phases, but my more common take on that question is why the hell am I in that life.

As in what it's about and all is a journey. I'm good with journeys & searching. I'm good with infinite searching just for the zen moments that brings.

What I'm not good with is when I get life-displaced & don't know why the f*ck be in that life, as a whole; everything else I'll figure on go.

So tossing me purpose, any purpose, is a life line. (Cough. Spent three years wandering just collecting Snickers bars wraps. Because someone said they /need/ them for a collage. Never saw that person again. But it was as good a reason to hang on as any. It was lands with a few Snickers, too, so that looking took an actual effort.)

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Distractions

 

[LadyZane]

a huge concoction of medicatio

Do you think there's a chance that one or more of these could be causing a sort of "emotion deadening" effect on you? I had a bipolar friend who struggled with this for a long time after starting a certain medication. She felt better in that she wasn't living the extreme difficulty of severe bipolar every day, and there was an adjustment for the difference between wildly intense bipolar feelings and more "normal" less intense feelings, but she also felt a little numb for a while and worked with her psychiatrist to help find a solution.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Sounds like depression.

Please keep in mind that the pharmacopia of psych medications you're on can numb you out, and block not only depressive feelings but also happy feelings. They can also prevent appropriate grieving and processing of trauma.

Life is very much a matter of making the most of every moment, of living in the present. If you can't feel your feelings - possibly due to the meds - life really won't seem like it's worth doing.