Ptsd= No Romance Ever?

[ill]

Rambo First Blood - I think that's a valid point. Most pop culture references to men with PTSD that I can think of are about a man with a gun or a knife threatening and/or terrifying people, including or especially his family. That is a hurdle.

I am often uncomfortable answering the question of what I do, and I do find that how I respond can make a big difference. When I've said that I'm unemployed or not currently working, even when I follow it up with explaining I have health issues, responses tend to be more negative, but if I say that I'm working on my health issues, I get a much more positive response. In fact, I've often been surprised by just how understanding random strangers like hairdressers have been. I wonder if this positive reframing could be helpful to you?

When you say that you're honest about your PTSD, what does that mean exactly? How much do you tell and how quickly? I ask because some people reveal intimate details very early on in a relationship, which can sometimes be a red flag to others.Too much assumed intimacy too quickly can be really uncomfortable for people and it may also point to some boundary problems. For instance, a nice dinner out on a first or second date may not be an appropriate time to discuss one's trauma.

Is it important to you to reveal exactly what health issues you have early on? If so, do you know why? (Open question, not passive aggressive.) Would you be comfortable just referring to your health issues as your health issues until you build a relationship with the people you're getting to know?

 

[outlawstar555]

If I can, I steer away from my not currently working.

Health issues... I typically say it's because of my back injury. (And my PTSD is from this, kind of a half truth... Idk)

I certainly do not like speaking of the accident. I'll share what's going on in there if pressed on the subject. Bulging discs, spinal arthritis, nerve pain. It's a weird thing though because I can get around fine usually. It's hard for people sometimes to understand or sometimes acknowledge an injury that they can't see... It just always hurts. And I'm not going to be a bodybuilder or starting any marathons anytime soon ha

I try to let someone get to know me before any psych stuff is brought up. Just not usually successful...

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Rarely have I ever got past the "what do you do" question without getting a look and "oh". It really feels like 90% of the time they've already come to a conclusion. Even in some friendships.

EXACTLY! Society assumes that if you're not employed then you are a lesser person. When people find out I'm not working, things fizzle out and it's pretty much the end of things. I've pretty much stopped trying to make new friends because you never get used to the rejection but you do get used to being alone.

 

[67_09]

I am not sure what kind of trauma you have had, but the things that happened to me does cause a problem with relationships in the sense that I begin to hate every singe person I am with for long enough to have a "relationship" with. I can't love because I have anger and want to hurt before I get hurt even worse. No I don't trust and neither should you.

 

[keifer]

:( I don't know what to say. I miss my gf. I'm the idiot with ptsd and she was scared I'd have it. She's been through worse and doesn't have cptsd but it wouldn't be shocking if she did.

I fear I'll never have a relationship as who'd want to be with me when I can stand myself at times. I also don't trust people.

If I were to date, I'd fear she'd run as soon as I said I have ptsd.

 

[intothelight]

No I don't trust and neither should you.

Trauma can erode and destroy trust, but it is important to focus on the issues that caused a person not to trust. The world is a mix of good and bad, and so it goes with people. It took me a while, but I learned to trust again. Only this time around, I focus on healthy relationships with good people. It takes a while but it can be done. I find that most people in my life are trustworthy and if they are not, they have no place in my life.

 

[jmni]

My suggestion would be to just explain the disability as because of the back injury. Wait until you get to know them/them you to explain your ptsd.

One option would be to explain that you have ptsd before you become intimate. You could only date people that are willing to wait a little longer, and get to know each other, without becoming physical. Then you can be honest and see if she understands what that will involve. Some people are not up for that. You probably shouldn't take it personally if you could rejected for that reason or something ptsd / medical related.

Otherwise I would suggest some books relating to ptsd and intimacy, communication, and dating while you wait. I've heard that yoga can help as well.

 

[keifer]

This morning, I'd rather be dead than alone.

 

[Badger]

As a female supporter dating someone with PTSD- people who don't want you because you are on disability are shallow. If you were boring, or you weren't trying to improve your life that would be different ;) People who don't want you because you have PTSD, well they are looking at the label and not the human being. They aren't worthy either.