Realistic Goals And Accepting Limitations

[jphillips90]

How do you tell whether something you want to achieve is realistic in recovery? I struggle with limitations that PTSD causes. Recovery improves your life so much but doesn't cure you...how does being incurable impact recovery?

 

[darrenS]

firstly you have to accept yourself , what does incurable mean - does it mean i cannot have a life , does it mean i cannot address what i can and gain support and understanding for the stuff i cant. I tend to simplify it and force myself to take steps to address things that hold me back. Otherwise it just becomes a bottom less pit. I keep away from labels that tend to compartmentalize me as they hold many conotations , and most are incorrect.

I struggle with relationships and have accepted maybe i cant have them or maybe i can find a creative way to both address my illness and have enjoy a modified relationship
i have complex ptsd and initially i was shattered when i realized the many facets of my condition and how they impacted everything or rather destroyed everything. I became severely depressed and was simply giving up -

Since i have been working on it , i have been able to accept me, and my illness, i try my best to manage it and not inflict the pain from it onto others.

Recovery is more of a journey - a very long one for most, all you can do is challenge your self , set a target and go for it - before you do , dont be afraid to visit your fears , and calm yourself with the fact that you wont fail if you try, you many not get there at first, but the attempt itself will be a step forward. Have a safe plan , ok if i get anxious what do i do, if i get panicked - what do i do , and so forth and most importantly accept you will probably react , but knowing it may happen teaches you to plan and manage and accept your limitations and work with them.

 

[Joan]

I agree with darrenS acceptance is HUGE. I am most of the time really proud of the ways I have learned to better manage symptoms and triggers and am ok with the limitations that entails because it makes life more livable and manageable, There are times though like this weekend when one of those decisions is questioned by someone and I wonder am I not pushing hard enough? That feeling that "different" is bad...but that is not right...I have to take care of me and only I know what I can and cannot do.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Well spoken Darren. I am in a transitional state and it is due to a rather long and complicated process which I will not talk about.

The impact of new awareness Is the realization that I am questioning everything and reexamining everything and let the awareness be the motivato for new inner changes.

The other day I went through my drawings and so many of them were done in therapy and I made notes on the back.

It is a journey and a process of maturing over the years. Sometimes the answers do not come when we long for them so.

Having PTSD is a struggle to manage symptoms and it is true for me. I still have bad days and many more good days.

But when I was first diagnosed, I had so many illusions and delusions and many false beliefs and black and white thinking and now I see that I was always searching for a real truth that I found myself losing friends that were not really working on themselves.

I love the new awareness because I learn and grow so much It is a long process to become the person you were created to be and so many things must be healed and having healthy support is so hard to obtain but as the years passed, looking back I was too naïve, gullible and dysfunctional with no boundries at all.

Where I am at now is taking full responsibility for my large amounts of mistakes and some lessons are very painful and costly.

I am very vulnerable right now so I have to go slow. I sure hope something I said to you turns on a light or even answers your questions.

I wish you the very best in your healing and recovery.

 

[Lionheart]

I asked my therapist if my goals were realistic; they were, but all had to do with improving symptoms and not necessarily with eliminating them.

As for being incurable; it is like with any chronic illness I suppose. Once you accept that you have it and it cannot be cured, you hopefully set about to manage it in the most positive ways that you can.

Accepting that it is a journey and a process AND that it will sometimes limit you, is quite difficult at first, but eventually you learn where best to spend your energies.

I hope that I am being helpful and not *overstating the obvious. or being too vague.... *(something I have an unfortunate penchant for).

 

[KwanYingirl]

Sometimes on the way to a dream, you get lost and find a better one.

 

[Little Flower]

:tup: That's just the type of thing I need to hear today. Awareness of your limits to acceptance of them is a long rocky road for me. I'm getting a better pair of shoes. I wanna walk down the road with my head held high. Seems an impossible dream. But I'm not giving it up. JP I hope you find self acceptance. It's tough but we must be worth it, wise friends say its true.
Take care

 

[arfie]

I view it as living with a handicap, like a missing limb or diabetes. Not my favorite part of being me, but not enough to stop me from living a rich, full life. The more lovingly I accept the limitation, the more I learn about how to function with it.

How do I know if my recovery goals are realistic? I know this when they actually work... Lots of trial and error.

 

[jphillips90]

Thanks everyone!!!

 

[maryiscontrary]

Tons of golden stuff here. Luckily, the major part of the brain that gets damaged with PTSD can grow dendrites and actual neurons. So, in many aspects, a lot (or at least some) of the disability from this can be reversed. I mean, I know I have some vulnerable, tender patches, I have a regimented life, so in a lot of ways, I am stronger and healthier.than when I was at 18. I think I even look better that I did at 18 on some days.

But there are limitations in the rate of recovery. I mean, I don't think I could handle a traditional romantic relationship right now. Or major job stress or other interpersonal stress.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think that living in the moment is critical. Yes, its important to have goals of what we'd like to achieve, but at the same time, when you're in a very symptomatic place, then the focus should be on now, not tomorrow or next week or even next year. This was a HUGE struggle of mind when I first started treatment. I was always thinking of what I should be doing or what I should be working toward, and it was a huge distraction from actually healing. Once I was finally able to accept that wherever I am in *this* moment is perfectly fine, then healing became a bit easier. I was able to work on what was right in front of me rather than focusing on goals that wouldn't be attainable for a good long while. And the thing is, that when I was focusing on the current moment, the current symptoms, and the current struggles, I was actually working on my long term goals (but didn't really realize it!)

I think that setting goals of where you want to be in the future comes later in healing. (I have a feeling many will disagree with this.) Well, I know it did for me. I mean I've always had the major life goals of becoming independent again and not being on SSDI, but other than that, the focus was on the present moment.

If you're setting many goals at the beginning of healing, you really have no idea whether or not they are realistic because you don't know how much you're going to heal, and you don't know what your lifelong struggles will be (if any). I think its important to be able to do an accurate self-assessment when determining if your goals are realistic, and this isn't really possible if you're at a point where you haven't done much healing yet.

I'm not saying this to be pessimistic, rather I think that its important to focus on the present moment and set more immediate goals. Once you're able to meet these more immediate goals, the bigger picture of what you can ultimately achieve will be a lot clearer.

So, that's how things sort of went for me. I've been healing since diagnosed in 2008, and it wasn't until last summer that I decided what I wanted (I mean TRULY wanted) in my life. I'm working toward entering a new program at school and I have a definite idea of what I want my life to be like. I've taken into account what symptoms I still struggle with and they are compatible with my goals.

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi @jphillips90 welcome to you. :)

I've done very well ('superficially'/ by appearances) following 'recovering from' being at what I thought was my lowest, only to find I could go even lower, & in doing so lost much, & had many goals disseminated in the process. So at one time, what could be considered a large accomplishment might have been a goal; another time just making it through the day without suicide was another.

But, that being said, I've come to the conclusion for myself, that happiness, safety, peace etc,- the intanglbles, are most important to me. Or most valued by me & bring the greatest peace.

As @Solara said, no matter what the goals we only have today. If you don't try you will never know. :)

Best wishes to you. :hug: