Really Losing Hope.

[NamiSoup]

Hope of feeling anywhere near being mentally healthy. My daily life consists of distracting myself until I get a flashback or until I'm feeling morbidly depressed, going to work, and ocassionally going out. I'm just a mess. The anxious disociation and the panic to ground makes me miss work, lay in bed for hours, not want to leave the house, and cut myself constantly. I feel like swallowing a whole bottle of aspirin is better than being emotionally frustrating to my partner, hating myself, and thinking of suicide most of the week. I don't know.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

:hug:s if you accept, I can relate

 

[Here_Still]

I know what you are talking about, I was like that most of last year. I missed so much work because of dealing with my stuff, or just being unable to leave the house from, anxiety, fear, being switched on all the time. Things got better, but they got worse or felt like they did, and being on here helped huge. The little things are good to work on, like the steps of the day of how to get up and be you and do what you do, as does being on here.

 

[KuanYin]

Aww man, I'm really sorry. I can totally relate and that's such a lousy, painful, lonely place to be. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, if even just a little bit. Living without hope is just existing. Existing is hard. When my suicidal thoughts get bad, and I don't want to talk to my partner about them, I use a 24hr crisis text line. It's a safe place to be honest about how I'm feeling (without the guilt of worrying loved ones, though I know they'd be more than happy to help, sometimes I'd rather not feel like a burden). I've used them on several occasions. The counselors are really really good. Do you have anything like that available to you for when things are really bad?