Really struggling, feeling hopeless

[MlleD]

I bought some Empowering Questions cards. They are (I think) by Sanna Wikstrom. They ask some questions that keep your mind going away from the past and into the present. I like to write the answers, which helps me doubly.

I am so sorry that this moved you to attempting suicide. It happened to me a long time ago too, before I was in treatment. I am so grateful for all the help I get now, especially Trauma Therapy.

Thank you so much. I just found the cards on Amazon and I added them to my wish list. I really appreciate this information.

I can attest to the fact that we get through it and things get a lot better eventually. Keep at your program, all of it, your homework, your therapy sessions, any medications you have been prescribed, etc. If there is an option to contact your Therapist between sessions, and you feel the need, go ahead and do so. Sometimes they can suggest things to get you through till the next session.

I do have an amazing therapist and can email her. Part of what is so bad about getting trauma at a very young age is that I forget that I do not have to try to push through it on my own. From the time I was a toddler, I just had to suck it all up. My default position as an adult is to just freeze and expect that I am on my own. I am trying to relearn how to care for myself and understand that I do not need to just push through and stuff it down. This forum is so important because you all are reminding me to do things and remember that I do not have to push through and endure this by myself.

I'd agree with your therapist. Your mind's probably at its limit and is trying to process everything, resulting in a system overload. When I was in treatment for depression my wonderful therapist made me face so many horrible things I did not want to face because, well, they were horrible! But that's exactly what helped me. I wonder if you just need to brace yourself and go through this stuff one layer at a time. It won't be easy but I don't think there is another way.

I agree. I have been triggered this summer to the highest degree. It is a monkey on my back.

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

Are you taking any medication?

 

[blackemerald1]

Hey @MlleD - sounds like you are doing lots of really good things. Unfortunately ptsd symptoms can wax and wain and it might be good if you told your therapist and doctor how incredibly low you are feeling right now.

Your symptoms atm might mean that the meds need to be adjusted or a little extra therapy or possibly going a little slower with therapy. Idk but if you tell them they can work on it with you.

And keep coming back here because we can help support you as you work through it. :hug:

 

[bhm]

Hi, sorry you're having such a time, I'm in the same boat, it's almost like you're in my head, The only thing that I've personally found that helps me more than anything is deeply connecting with nature in quiet secluded areas where I know I'm safe and have no worries of having to connect with anything other than the environment, although for some even that could be triggering, I've found pressure point tapping combined with controled breathing helps alot too, hope you feel better soon

 

[MlleD]

I've found pressure point tapping combined with controled breathing helps alot too, hope you feel better soon

Hello, thank you for your suggestions. When you say controlled breathing, are you referring to the type of breathing one does during meditation?

I've come to understand that my CPTSD often makes me want to "leave my body" when what I really need to be doing is staying present in my body. The physiology of this all is really remarkable. I've blocked most memories so the trauma is in my body's memory. When I get triggered, my arms and hands go numb. I need to do things to pull me back into my body.

 

[MlleD]

Hey @MlleD - sounds like you are doing lots of really good things. Unfortunately ptsd symptoms can wax and wain and it might be good if you told your therapist and doctor how incredibly low you are feeling right now.

Your symptoms atm might mean that the meds need to be adjusted or a little extra therapy or possibly going a little slower with therapy. Idk but if you tell them they can work on it with you.

And keep coming back here because we can help support you as you work through it. :hug:

Thank you for offering your support. I have found this forum to be incredibly important and beyond helpful.

 

[bhm]

Hello, thank you for your suggestions. When you say controlled breathing, are you referring to the type of breathing one does during meditation?

I've come to understand that my CPTSD often makes me want to "leave my body" when what I really need to be doing is staying present in my body. The physiology of this all is really remarkable. I've blocked most memories so the trauma is in my body's memory. When I get triggered, my arms and hands go numb. I need to do things to pull me back into my body.

Hey there @MlleD, I have similar dissacoiative symptoms but get the numbness in my legs and head, and can become quite detached for prolonged periods of time, I've found daily meditation to be quite helpful and yes, if I begin to feel myself slipping out I'll drop into deep regulated stomach breathing and if my surroundings permit will also engage in a few miniutes of point tapping and it seems to work very well at keeping me present and grounded, and also helps wonders with the anxiety and panic related symptoms, however tapping is kinda hard in public, lol, but sometimes if I'm out I'll pop into a Public toilet and tap for a couple of minutes.

 

[Phoenix(not)]

Hello, I am sorry to read of the situation you find yourself in. A lot of empathy and support here at myptsd. When I am in a distressed or in a forlorn state, it is a comfort (and a welcome distraction from my woes) to visit here. There are techniques... skills to learn which can be very helpful. I've mentioned when I first joined here how I found Vipassana meditation techniques I learned on a 10 day residential course were transformational for me. I went from acute, Complex PTSD to background PTSD (which I think I will always have). I had a really bad time four months ago (brought on by a lost relationship) and self-referred at the mental health clinic (again).

The technique of Mindfulness is the "New Black" in New Zealand. It could be described as a form of meditation where we "ground ourselves" in the now moment and it helps. The other reason I am adding to this thread is there is a book I recently read on Mindfulness. It's called "Mindfulness for Health" by Dr Danny Penman & Vidyamala Burch. It is available at our public library and I borrowed and read it. I found it so helpful, I bought a copy. It's more practical and better than sifting through all the handouts I've accumulated and been referring to previously. I'm contributing what I found helpful and am sharing this. I think it may be available in other libraries, in other counrties too and is worth reading.

 

[MlleD]

When I am in a distressed or in a forlorn state, it is a comfort (and a welcome distraction from my woes) to visit here. There are techniques... skills to learn which can be very helpful.

THANK YOU for sharing these resources. It is beyond appreciated. I have certainly found that everyone that has posted here is very compassionate and empathetic. It is healing to just know that I am not alone. This has been a largely foreign concept for me before I posted here.