Recalling Something, Want Y'all's Opinion

[Biz]

I've been having an overall good day with just a few disturbances this evening and I thought of something that hasn't come up before (and maybe is up now because it came up in my bodywork session this week). Someone in my family, maybe my mom or dad or maybe a grandparent, used to grab-a$$ my brother, sister, and I. I know this person did it because they thought it was funny to make us jump. I think maybe they called it 'rosing.' Do you think that, while intrusive obviously intrusive, this could still be considered playful behavior?

 

[Biz]

Also, has anyone heard that term used like that before?

 

[Justmehere]

I have never heard of the term rosing, but maybe others have. It could also be a silly word the family member made up. It is possible it was playful behavior by someone who had a really bad sense of boundaries or a skewed sense of what is appropriate touch with a child. I had cousins that would jump around the corner and say "boo" to make me jump. I can see how someone would pinch a child to make them jump in a playful way - but grabbing the butt? It's inappropriate to do it with the butt. It kind of reminds me of how guys in a locker room might do stupid stuff like slapping each other's butt with a towel. And yet, it's different, because it's an adult, doing it with children.

It's unwanted contact with a part of the body some would call a "private part." There is the idea that if a swimsuit covers it up, no adult should be touching it in an unwanted manner - unless there is a true medical need, or needing to change a diaper, or something like that.

I wouldn't do it to a child, and if anyone did it to my child, I would tell them to knock it off, pronto.

That all being said, I would be careful about reading into it too much. It could easily be a playful and inappropriate behavior at the same time.

Regardless if it's playful or not, if it came up from a body work session, it may be affecting you now, and that's the most important thing: how you felt about it back then and now.

 

[Biz]

You make a few good points @Justmehere. Like if I had kids, that wouldn't be okay for anyone to do to them and I wouldn't. A lot of time, bodywork gets me thinking about my boundaries. I'm really averse to touch (bodywork sessions are a safe place where I can get practice to reduce that) and I've often thought a lot about how that aversion is from the culture of a poorly-boundaried family.

 

[Friday]

Sure. From "Good Game" or "Good run" smacks on the ass (sports stuff, still common in some/ very few sports, but used to be durn near universal... The equivalent to a pat on the head "Good Girl" for little kids)... To playful chase & pinch/ especially for slowpokes going up a flight of stairs, not painful... To towel snaps (yowch! Gonna get you for that) rough housing... To goosing (which is a foul in most sports, but a yowza! thing that distracts players on the field without actually getting violent is still used a lot on the sly)... There are a whole lot of non-sexual things that have been in pretty common use over the past 100 years.

It's really only been in the past 25 years that bums have become "private".

Even when I was a kid, and the transition was starting, any adult who wasn't that mad at you could give you a swift swat on the rear. (If they were mad, they'd ruler your hands or tweak your ear... Hurts a helluva lot more, far more nerve endings!!! Or if they wanted to shame you, a slap across the face. LOL. I had a smart mouth, used to get my face slapped on a regular basis). Bums were mostly considered safe-zones (not a lot of nerve endings, even if you're being paddled or caned? It's very hard to do permanent damage. No bones to break or organs to rupture)... And all the good-game stuff was considered as sexual as a fist bump, or shoulder/chest bump, is today.

So can it be non-sexual? Absolutely. Was it? No idea.

 

[Changing4Best]

Some of the kids in our neighborhood used to do this to me. They called it goosing. I think the reason they called it that is because a goose will do this to keep you away from its young. That is what I always thought was the reason they called it goosing anyway.

 

[Peach]

I think it can be okay, depends on who is doing the grabbing/slapping and what the relationship is.

When I was a kid, I'd get a playful slap on the rear from parents or siblings and I'd do it back. Actually, we still do it as adults, rarely, but it does happen. However, if it was a stranger or someone I didn't love, that would have been weird.

 

[DogwoodTree]

Agreed with other posters that it can be okay in safe circumstances, where it's understood to be playful, is desired interaction, and is not laden with sexual connotations.

In my case, though, that kind of thing was often used against me in ways that were intended to exert control over me and try to elicit sexual responses. It wasn't limited to the butt, and it wasn't intended to promote a healthy bonding, but more a sexual dominance. There were often comments to go with it, or hand signals, that could get very provocative. So now I'm overly sensitive to that kind of thing, to where it can be very triggering even when it is innocent from other people. So reading your original post, my red flags are going up...but that could just be my sensitization to it.