Respect Chat Or Lose It - Individually

[Tanishq]

I would never use Chat as a life crisis point. I've read the rules too many times to do so :laugh:

Same here rainy daze. Crisis topic is the heaviest. We can try our best to solve it without speaking about it. It's ok to say one or two lines about it online(PM) or offline, one or two lines and that's all, but never in chat.

 

[ms spock]

Nope, that's not what I mean. What I mean is that NEW members who have been on the forum all of 5 minutes are being ignored when they come into chat. That is, their typing can be seen by all, but nobody takes the opportunity to welcome them.

That is really sad.

I like to say "Welcome to MyPTSD" or "Welcome to the Forum".

I am not referring to the *ignore* function, rather people just being flat out rude. Or someone will be ignored by a group of people (and its highly unlikely that everyone in chat....multiple people....all have the same person on ignore)... as for older members, really no excuse.

I think if a person has had several hours of my time in chat about an issue but continues to come into chat and talk about the same issue everyday, several times a day and after people say "Hello" makes it all about them and does so continuously, then I can understand people standing back and not wanting to get involved.

Over a long period of time I saw the same people talk about the same issue pretty much every day, several times a day and it had already got old after the first couple of my hours of talking about their issues - well I wasn't prepared to go through it again and again and again. And suggestions were made about starting threads and threads were started but the people still came in and hogged the conversation.

I think if it is reciprocated then that is a different manner, but when people type half a sentence about another person's issue and use the last half of the sentence to make it about themselves then people will move away, just like in real life, if you behave like that then people will avoid someone who only talks about themselves or talks for a few sentences about someone else and then brings it back to them.

I think that it is important that you greet everyone in chat as you arrive and leave and whilst you are there. But I am not going to talk to everyone that comes in at depth. I will disco dance with everyone or have light conversations with everyone. But I won't become beholden to people's agendas. I also won't engage with someone who is doing suicidal posting other than to report them to the moderators or some very simple suggestions. Like wise if I have said hello to people repeatedly and they rarely say Hello to me I won't get deep and meaningful with them either.

I also won't talk to people who bully other people in passive aggressive ways.

I also won't talk to people who continuously play the victim. If someone wants to play the victim then that is their choice I won't be engaging in it.

Just like in real life when what you do determines how other people interact with you, in the chat room if someone talks about the same issue again and again people will eventually ignore it or not respond, and I don't think that is unreasonable. Mostly it seems people just give up and don't go into chat anymore, which is not good for the person who is monopolising the conversation as they haven't learnt that their behaviour is socially unacceptable.

I think discussing other members in chat that they didn't say hello or potentially ignored a person is not on either. A simple "Did you know I was there?" or "Did you say forget to say Hello to me?" I know when I am thinking deeply sometimes I don't take in everything in the chat room. It is not being rude it is that there is a limit to what my brain can handle as well. It is easy to missed people sometimes especially when chat is going really fast.

I have friends online of over ten years standing and we all know that we slot into the conversation that is going on at the time when we enter rather than insert something else and trying to make it about us.

I think people have to realise that when they come in to chat, just like a conversation in real life, it is unreasonable to expect people to stop what they are talking about immediately, and have it all about them. If you do that in real life people will avoid you, in a big way, as it is rude and self centred, so it is an important social lesson to learn in chat.

I think though that some people just don't know chat etiquette. So perhaps we could write a Chat Etiquette for MyPTSD?

 

[Philippa]

I was gonna say that too Ms Spock.

Sometimes chat can get hectic, and move very fast. Various characters may join in and it can get a bit messy so when things are moving fast, it's easy to miss someone new walking in half way through a conversation, when everyone is trying to keep up with the last comment made.

I can see how people might take that personally, but it's not like in real life, where we can hear someone new walk up and say hi during a fast paced conversation...and ordinarily a person wanting to say hi during a fast paced conversation would wait until the opportune moment to say hi, so they don't interrupt what is going on in the group discussion.

That isn't the case in online chat time, and it is easy to overlook a hello from a new person. I don't think it's deliberately being rude or ignoring others, though, if you are feeling particularly sensitive that day it might feel that way if it's you that is not receiving any attention of welcome.

Try and understand that there is a discussion going on, and it might be quite a lot for the people involved to be taking in, so a single hello from someone not involved in the conversation can easily be overlooked. I have never had the feeling that it is deliberate though. If the conversation is looking like it's going quite fast, maybe wait until it has slowed down before jumping in to say hello...as you would when in a face to face chat with people.

The problem is so many of us take things so personally so easily and are hyper sensitive to any sign of being mistreated or bullied that we forget that it's not always deliberate when someone does ignore you. It may FEEL that way, but that doesn't mean that is, in reality, what is happening. It's a life skill to be able to stop and consider all the possibilities before concluding that you are being ignored.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Will someone tell me when the campers are not on? I mean what time of day, lol.

 

[Ghostybear73]

@Solara, I am on usually between 245am and 5am PST, so you know that to be a good time to stay away.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

lol @Ghostybear73 I didn't mean you. I don't honestly see you on all that often prolly b/c I am asleep then. By "camper" I mean the 24/7 ones.

 

[rainy_daze]

@Solara I'm not sure who the campers are. I go through cycles where I have been known to use Chat for several hours :eek: but I try to be inclusive of everyone there. Other times I'm not in chat at all. I still think it's a fantastic place.

What are the campers doing exactly that is putting you off using Chat Solara? Using it too often or being rude and not saying hello to people?

It's a shame if you don't use it because I've enjoyed our conversations there. I hope you can use it when you want and not be put off.

 

[Ghostybear73]

@Solara solar. :D. Just checking.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

I've noticed that this is still an issue, and was wondering how the staff would like us to bring their attention to individuals who may be continuing to disrespect the chat privilege/making it an unwelcoming environment for others.

 

[joeylittle]

You can go to the members profile page and report them from there.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Thankyou @joeylittle

 

[ms spock]

It has not been good. That is for sure. I am spending less and less time in chat.