Rough Day Thread...

[Pippi427]

Having a rough day....I didn't see any thread for this so I thought I'd start one. It seems a lot of my coping mechanisms are broken right now. I had a lot of personal turmoil in my life the past month, not related to my boyfriend with PTSD, but he's had a lot going on, too, and has not been as available as I wanted. Just at the point of pulling my hair out today due to the frustration of nothing seems to be going right.

• Police came to a dead end on my stalking case because the uni didn't retain the records they needed to trace the person, so they are back at square one trying to help me which is no where
• Got yelled at at work for hours yesterday...I'm overworked and starting to make mistakes
• My best friend and roommate got banned from our roller derby team for 5 years causing me to also quit the organization
• Same best friend has taken off and not stayed at the house for weeks, so I have been essentially abandoned (my greatest fear)
• Broke this month because roommate has also not paid her bills
• Captain L (sufferer boyfriend) hasn't spoken to me for 3 days...we didn't have any cross words...last thing he said is he'll see me soon. ?

I've been working from home a lot because of construction in my office, so it's also forced me into isolation. I'm not loving life right now. Trying to make it through the day without breaking things. I do have other friends to talk to...I'm just not finding anything that helps right now, Even my other outlet, running has been extra hard to do...usually it's a fun activity for me. Yes, I'm seeing a therapist and not off my meds. This is just a lot for me.

 

[Sweetpea76]

It'd be a lot for anybody... any one of those things would be rough on its own. Don't feel bad for feeling bad. Can you go get away for a day or something?

 

[Pippi427]

I can get away next week. I am on-call for this week so I have to be available 12 hours a day ? The money is good...but times like this it is hard.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I'm a big fan of checking into a hotel for a night... it doesn't even have to be far away. It can be the next town over.

 

[Never_falter2]

Or go for a mini vacation at home, like have a box of candies and watch one of your favourite movies.

 

[Pippi427]

Those are both excellent ideas @Sweetpea76 and @Never_falter. I did try to break some of the forced isolation by running errands. At least to get some sunlight.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Take a bath, go window shopping, go get on Trip Advisor and find a little hole in the wall restaurant to try, paint your toenails and play with your makeup... or otherwise waste time doing something that feels decadent. Think "treat yo self" stuff.

 

[Pippi427]

I love all those ideas. I did go get my nails done. Today is going to be boundary enforcing day with Captain L. I hate these days. We have had an agreement for over 6 months that if he doesn't talk to me for 4 days we have talk about what's going on...probably his stress cup, but I think it's fair for me to ask what's going on if he's not holding up his end of the agreement. I'll bet he hasn't even noticed it's been 4 days.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Just be open to compromise. My vet and I have an agreement that if he's not doing well he has to do a "I'm alive" check in. He sometimes can't handle more interaction than that. I know not to try and engage in conversation if he just texts "I'm alive". I do have limits of how long I'll go with minimal contact though. Like I couldn't go longer than a few weeks of that and still consider myself in a relationship.

It's all about what you can tolerate. I've made adjustments for the reality of his condition though. It's a learning curve. Good communication about expectations makes a world of difference.

 

[Pippi427]

Thank you @Sweetpea76 Our limit of 4 days was set when he was seriously ill and living at home alone, literally in and out of the hospital with a few things that could have killed him PLUS the PTSD. I picked that limit because he would get serious re-ocurring infections and would have to be hospitalized within a few days to get proper help.

Now he is back at work, doing better healthwise...but unfortunately has to deal with murdered and abused children on a daily basis. I actually do know what that's like from my days as a women's shelter volunteer. You never unsee that stuff. I sent him a "Hey, you OK?" text that has gone unanswered for 24 hours.

My plan today is to try and email him (he shuts his phone off, but will check email) I want to at least hear that he got my message. I also mentioned we can change the 4 day boundary if it doesn't work with his new job, but he needs to talk to me to do that.

I didn't tell him anything about what's going on like I did in the list in my post here...just focused on him, his job, and his girls....I let him know I was here for them and not mad, just full of love.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Hopefully you'll hear from him. I know it's frustrating.

 

[Pippi427]

What scares me is what do I do if I don't? Just stop talking to him?