Scary Flashback, Panic

[heyheyhey]

Hi Guys,

I'm feeling pretty scared, I had a triggering massage, which I feel re-traumatised me or has sent me into a panic and massive flashback. I felt very scared and like I was totally relieving the experience - just totally scared and overwhelmed. I'm still feeling panicked, pretty frightened and on edge. It just almost felt overwhelming. It's so annoying coz I know it's irrational...

This was compounded by lack of sleep, a little PMS and lack of food. But yeah....feeling better after doing some grounding exercises and some muscle relaxation.

But...just wondering if I could get some advice please? It's upsetting coz I was doing so well. Just looking for some advice, and some optimism. Sometimes I get scared it won't get better when I have such severe panics sometimes (I was honestly recently traumatised so hopefully this is going to get better....). I really want acupuncture but I'm scared I'll get triggered?

It's like I'm doing fine and then I'll hit a rough patch and prolonged anxiety attacks and some scary flashbacks.

Please offer some advice :))). Anything. Thank you.

 

[Dissociated1]

Rough patches like this are scary, Heyheyhey. But they become less and less frequent, and slowly turn from pot holes into gentle bumps in the road. My female alter was triggered while she was having a massage a few years ago. On a whim she decided it would be a nice thing to do while she was out and about on her day to front. Having had hundreds of massages because of my back condition over the years, I was shocked by the effect the massage had on her. At first I thought it was because she had been afraid the massage therapist would discover she had a man's body. It took a few weeks to realize the real problem was being touched so close to her genitals. My female alter still gets massages but tells whoever is working on her she was raped and not to touch her between her waist and knees. I was proud of her for drawing this boundary for herself and finding a way around the problem.

 

[shimmerz]

Idk, I just thought to myself while this was happening that as long as I knew how to release it, at the end of the day I would improve. It didn't always look like improvement because there was some really evil twisted shit in there, but I knew I would rather have it 'out there' than 'in me'.

Just try to be careful that you pace yourself. Do you have an external person (T or SO) that can help you determine when you may be going overboard?

 

[EveHarrington]

Does it help to understand that healing isn't linear? We don't necessarily have everything decrease in amplitude. We will continue to have symptom spikes over time, but they will hopefully become less frequent.

 

[heyheyhey]

Thanks a lot guys. It's just so hard to feel so scared sometimes for no real goddamn reason. I know I just need to take it more slowly and go easy on myself....I also think I was less aware of my triggers before and now I know better. It's just hard when I'm feeling anxious and I'm trying to distract myself but feel too anxious and then start to become hyper aware of how my anxiety is affecting how I see things on the TV or hear music, and then I can't distract myself... This is all just new to me so it's very hard to deal with and sometimes I get so upset and just want it to go away as soon as possible. It helps to know that it should get better....just hard when you're stuck in it lol. Thanks so much everyone, you're such a lifeline to me - I feel way less alone.

 

[shimmerz]

It's just so hard to feel so scared sometimes for no real goddamn reason.

It has been my experience that there is ALWAYS a reason. That there is a language behind these feelings welling up. Clues. If you have a T, you may want to let him know that you are having a hard time with this and he can maybe help you to learn how to be more in tune to those clues. Best wishes to you @heyheyhey. Things do get easier.

 

[heyheyhey]

It has been my experience that there is ALWAYS a reason. That there is a language behind these feelin...

Thanks so much shimmerz. I think for me, it's the flashback aftermath, I'm normally quite anxious for a few days after I get triggered and then I feel in a constant state of panic sometimes, but it should get easier and normally goes away. Thanks so much, think I just needed to hear that things do get easier :).

 

[heyheyhey]

Thank you all, I'd wrap you all in a massive hug if I could lol :) :P!

 

[shimmerz]

I feel it, and right back at you my friend! :hug::hug: